To love others, respect others and to promote and receive the unconditional love of God.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ~The Message

I have been attending a class for the past few weeks called, “Pursuing Your Unique Purpose,” there’s a group of 14 of us, all actively searching and finding our “uniqueness.”  Preparing for class tonight I looked at my life and the things I do on a daily basis and then reviewed my spiritual gifts, at first I was trying to squeeze my gifts into my life but when I looked at all the things I do and  I saw my gifts more clearly and in a very real way.  I do love people and I find it very easy to smile because I am truly happy and immensely blessed on a daily basis.  We all have our routines and people we meet daily but what about the random people we walk past as if they are invisible?  You could be the difference in their life just by smiling or saying hello and maybe not but is that something you can live with?  I am not saying I follow this every single day, sometimes I am on the receiving end and I am thankful that someone cared enough to smile and say hello and on occasion someone will ask how I am…and wait for my response.  How great is that!

If you have never completed a spiritual assessment, I encourage you to do so, not for the benefit of others but simply for yourself.  I am sure you will find gifts that will solidify  your knowledge of the things that bring you pure joy.  I discovered my gifts are giving, intercession and mercy.  After digging into each I found that I could relate to giving because it comes so natural to me, it’s like breathing to me, I just do it.  Intercession was a bit more complicated for me but after reviewing its definition and the application I was able to see that my intercession is my involvement and participation in the lives of my friends and family as well as my church community and I earnestly seek to have them in my thoughts and prayers.  I have a clear vision of what Paul meant when he wrote, I Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, praying without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  We can pray anytime and anywhere, just as we are constantly in conversation with family and friends, that is what God wants with us.  Talk with Him throughout your day, He wants to be a part of everything we do and say.  For me, pray without ceasing is including God in every part of my being.  We are all human and we will sin, disappoint and perhaps even deny Him…His love is sufficient for all and it is completely unconditional.  It can be difficult to understand the unconditional component of God’s love because we live and breathe in a very conditional world.  Remember we are to be in the world not of the world, our future is Heaven and this conditional world will pass away.  John 15:19, “If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own.  Because you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world-therefore the world hates you.”  Now onto my third spiritual gift, mercy.  This one was also not immediately clear to me, but after defining and reading about mercy I found the simplest term is compassion.  caring for others in pain wanting to alleviate it if only through pray and conversation.  Often times people in distress need someone to talk with, someone who will listen and not judge them.  It is an incredible feeling to be able to verbalize and/or express our fears and disappointments, it’s not answers people seek most,  it is the releasing of the things kept locked up inside.  My mission is to continue learning about my gifts and to share them with others.  One last component I have not mentioned is boundaries.  It is important to know where you are foundationally, life has to be reciprocal in that something goes out and something comes in.  It is important to not over-extend ourselves using our gifts, keeping God in the center of our lives is key.  For me, starting my day with God keeps Him close and feeling HIs presence through the Holy Spirit is my comfort.

All that we are and all that we have are from God, thanks be to God. Amen!

I would challenge you to take the spiritual assessment and start exploring your unique gifts.

I have included web-sites below for assessments on the web and reference to the biblical passages mentioned.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5%3A16-18&version=ESV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015:19&version=NRSV

http://archive.elca.org/evangelizingChurch/assessments/spiritgifts.html

http://www.wellfedspirit.org/spirituality_pages/gifts-inventories.html

I spent the evening with a group of women known as “Esther Circle,” individually each has their own uniqueness but as a group we pursue to be “an area of action and influence.”  Ask me how I know this?  I started with the basics, definition of “Esther” is star and the definition of “Circle” is an action or influence.  Yay, this isn’t rocket science!  But my point is being a part of this unique group of women has and continues to influence me as I am pursuing the purpose that God is leading me to do.  I am relatively new to this group and yet they have all received me into their circle and I am truly thankful.  With regards to our influence, we have women of enormous faith and strong moral values and hearts overflowing with love for everyone.  Our group is currently reading and discussing “Love Does,” by Bob Goff.  An interesting book that illustrates the many ways that love works in and through our lives, although some stories are difficult to imagine actually happening but so are some of the many stories we read in the Bible, just because we ourselves have trouble grasping things does not mean they did not really happen.  Let’s take “Daniel and the Lion’s Den,” “David and Goliath,” or what about the “The Fall of Jericho?”  These stories can be difficult but for believers we know it is the power and majesty of God that ALL things are possible and it’s because of LOVE, God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to be sacrificed and sent us the Holy Spirit to guide us.  The difficulty in believing is in our “humanness,” God is the only explanation.  Our ordinariness is what we are before we invite God into our lives and then we are His extraordinary children.   Thank you Esther Circle!

I wanted to share some of my thoughts about chapter 7 & 8 that we discussed tonight.

• Have you experienced God convincing you to love Him back?  How does He do this?
• What makes you stop and stare in amazement?  How might that be God pursuing you?
• How does Jesus’ logic different than our logic, or from the logic of the world?

I can remember not long ago, I spend lots of hours watching TV, not wanting to miss an episode of this or that show, thinking I would no longer be in the “know!”  I was very content in waiting for “life” to come to me, perhaps a bit of a procrastination when it came to growing as opposed to existing.  I had thought I knew what my life would look like at this point in my life and surprise, it’s nothing like my imagination.  It is better, not by my power but through God’s amazing love.  I thought moving forward would hurt too much and that I would always have a void in my life.  I have learned by losing I have more to give and more to experience.  The convincing that God did to me so I could love Him back/again was the lesson that sometimes we have to lose to understand what we have.  In the past 5 years I have experienced losses that I truly never expected or planned for.  The breakup of my partner of almost 10 years and the passing of my mom at an early age of 65 pushed me forward very quickly and I had no choice but to deal with them and make difficult decisions.  Four years after the breakup, I am happily not dating and I still maintain a healthy relationship with my ex and wish her happiness.  As long as I held on to the hurt I could not move forward, God showed me the road to healing and I am very thankful and happy…His convincing me to love Him back!  I still miss my mom everyday after 14 months, I still want to call her, to hear her voice, to have her say one more time, “Charlotte, I love you!” She was such an amazing woman and I learned how to love from her, her strength and stamina was indescribable.  My mom was very straight forward and some did not like that but even the individuals that had issue with her forwardness respected her for her convictions and values.

What amazes me…the difference a smile can do for others; saying “hello and asking how are you?” and really meaning it and having someone linger to hear your response.  Making eye contact with someone, so many people live in shadows and never hear kind words or have questions ask of them.  Every stranger is a friend you just haven’t met.   Matthew 25:42-43 “For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.”  That is a very powerful piece of scripture and yet so simple, Jesus is,  the  people we see day in and day out and they are with us and interact with us every single day.  I am reminded of these verses when I smile at someone I don’t know or say hello and wait for a response, Love Does make a difference no matter the amount given and/or  received.

Logic, Jesus’ logic is pure knowledge that is grounded in an everlasting love for all.  Our logic, selfish in a very real way…it is our humanness and our sinful nature to be consumed about ourselves, but when we invite Jesus into our hearts we see the world differently, more passionately and more forgiving not because of our worthiness but entirely because God loves us and created us for His glory, we are His masterpieces.

I have included some helpful sites below in reference to the Bible passages mentioned.  Thank you for allowing me to share with you and may God’s light shine upon you this very day!  Esther Circle, a special thank you for the love you have shown me!

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+6&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+17&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+5%3A13-6%3A27&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+25%3A31-46&version=NIV

Today was my family reunion at Turkey Run State Park.  Our number were low this year compared to previous; however, I did miss last year.  It is relatives from my mom’s side of the family, although all are welcome and we keep expanding with new ones.  There were lots of newborns this year, lots of fun holding, hugging and free baby smells…infants are so incredibly perfect.  We have been doing these yearly reunion for several years, my grandmother initiated them, I believe.  It was hard after grandma passed away but my mom more than filled her shoes! I mentioned missing last years reunion, my mom passed away in June 2012 and it was just too hard to go, plus I did have to work.  I miss my mom every single day and I know that many others are experiencing similar struggles, so I am not saying mine is better or worse…losing a parent is difficult no matter your age or theirs.  Family is important and family is more than your blood relatives, there’s all kinds of people I call family because of the bonds I have with them.  I absolutely know that I learned the art of forming family bonds from the values represented by my relatives.  We always have room for an extra place or two at our tables, extra blankets and beds for weary travelers.  It is true the reunions will never be the same when we lose loved ones, I like to think they remain with each of us through our memories and in the telling of stories of how they changed our lives. My father volunteered me to say “Grace” today and initially I was upset for him volunteering me, but after I thought about it…my mom used to do the same thing and my grandma before her.  What a legacy…I am ever so thankful for the people in my life and the ones who are forever in my heart.  I have a favorite song and I always feel close to God whenever I sing it or hear it and it makes me think of the two greatest women that I was honored to have been a part of…mom & grandma, I will love you forever and I think of you so very often.  Peace~

Here’s the song:  http://youtu.be/pWyufa8KTQs

I have been quiet for a few days trying to collect my thoughts about life and the difference a single day can make. Today is my “Wednesday” my hump day! It has been a long week already, my emotions have run from high to low and my concentration has been difficult. I can tell you that starting my day without a conversation with God always leads to difficult days. Starting my day with God balances me and centers me to meet the challenges throughout my day. God wants to share our lives and He provides for our every need. I really do not have any words of wisdom to share only that life is not so cumbersome when we share it with God!

The lesson that this world teaches us is the sooner we accept disappointments the better off we will be… Life tells us no matter what or who we think we can trust…before we can get accolades out of our mouths…someone or something disappoints us. My personal experience in just the past month have had many disappointments, it’s a tough world and the only thing one can truly count on is God and even then, in our humanness our faith is weak. Wanting the tangible…seeing is believing. As humans we fail each other daily and we continue this heart wrenching cycle again and again hoping to somehow change the cycle. I learned a long time ago we must be careful for the things we wish for as they may actually come true…the things we think will bring happiness to our lives do not always work out. I guess the opposite can be true as well, if we don’t have some inclination of what we want or what we desire… we may always be searching.

August 6, 2013
3:31am
*Amended August 17, 2013 @ 10:36pm

Today was the BEST day I have experienced in a very, very, very long time. My day was filled to overflowing with God’s Blessings! One of my oldest and dearest friend came to visit with me. We shared new stories and old stories, wonderful memories and life in general. Although our visit was short it is now a cherished memory because she gave me the expensive gift of her time. She and I met, we’ll say a few years ago…she was a junior in college and I was a mere freshman…straight from the country and not a lot of life experiences. We quickly became friends and God has continued blessing each of us throughout our adult life and finding just the right time for our paths to cross allowing us to reconnect as if no time had passed. I’m still puzzled as to why we connected but I have learned through the years, God had a plan and purpose for us and we are living into His plan. And just as my friend was departing for her long drive home I was blessed again by a new but very dear friend asking to have dinner and conversation. I literally felt like a firework bursting! So I met my friend and we talked and laughed and just by being present in the special moments of my day it was incredible! I know often God’s ability to provide exactly what we need sometimes feels like a mystery but for me and especially today, God knew my needs and provided for those needs with purpose and divine intervention. Nothing happens by mere chance, life is too precious to not be designed by God for His glory.

Check out this video on YouTube:

I recently started a class entitled, “Pursuing Your Purpose.” Part of the first week is stating your “theology” and your “passion,” initially I was having trouble finding the words to define my theology and passion, then I found sometime on the Internet that simplified it for me. I challenge you to find your passion and theology and these 5 questions are a great starting point.

1) What makes you smile?

•What is it that lightens you up whenever you encounter it? Happiness and passion go hand in hand. Think about what puts you at ease. Think about the things that bring you peace. Peace and happiness – these are what you should be pursuing.

2) What ignites your creativity?

• A fulfilling life always seeks to expand its horizons. If you want to know how to discover your passion in life, think of the things that make you want to try new, fun and exciting ideas. What is it that inspires you to do extraordinary things? What it is that makes you creative is something worth chasing.

3) What do you want to share with other people?

•Passionate people always feel the need to share whatever it is they’re doing with others. Why do you think volunteers are so dedicated to their respective organizations?

4) What would you do for free?

•Money makes the world go round. That’s why most people would rather go for careers that pay more than those that make them happy. What these people don’t know is that following something you are really passionate about helps you become successful. Think about something you look forward to, something you wish you can do all the time. Doing something you love helps bring out your best. The dedication and hard work that comes with it will bring you inevitable success.

5) What will you regret not having tried?

•Sometimes, unavoidable circumstances push us away from our dreams. If you were at the end of your life, what would you have liked to try? Don’t wait until it’s too late. No regrets – this is why it’s important for you to learn as early as now how to find your true passion in life. Don’t get discouraged if it takes a while. Discovering your passion in life is a process. Life transformation is always possible, just remember to keep an open mind and open heart to changes.

The past few days have forced me to look at myself and my actions as they affect others around me. I was just reminded that my words and actions need to represent the person I say that I am and as a Christian I am representing God. If my actions portray a person that enjoys tearing others down and spread stories and participate in gossip, I am not sharing the love of God and my character is not worthy. Whether we are willing to admit this truth or not, we all have people in our lives that “push” our buttons. I am sitting here telling myself I can either be part of the solution or the problem. Of course, none of us would choose “problem” but that is exactly where I am. It’s true what they say, “actions speak louder than words.” I want my actions to reflect goodness and Godliness. I recently started talking with God in the mornings before my day gets started as opposed to the end of my day. What I have noticed for me is, I am more aware and in sync with God when I ask Him to walk through the day with me. Oh, I still make many mistakes but I am now quicker to recognize my behaviors and change them more quickly. Then, at the end of my day I spend time with God again or continue talking with Him. When I pause and look back on my day, I can see the things I can do better and ask God for the guidance and support to be the person He created me to be. We are all born sinful but the choices we make daily can either reflect the image of a sinner or be a sinful person reflecting the image of God’s grace, love and forgiveness for our sin.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
–Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Weight of Nothingness
With a heavy heart these words flow
Seeing them in black and white
To the surface these things rise up

It’s not complaints that drive me to feelings of betrayal,
Rather the expectations and actions of others
Words without action are just empty words

Broken promises, empty words
Alternative motives, self-serving and truth hides
Friendship should be to and fro, not just to

Suspicious of everything and everyone,
Does it always have to hurt?
Why is the heart so easily broken?
The vital organ to make sense of it all

The peace and serenity of never letting them in,
If they never enter they cannot bring agony to life
Solidarity to oneself, pride and vanity no place to go

Everyone deserves at least one that helps and not hurts,
When and where is this elusive person, the hero…my hero?
Losing something that never was, true but I grieve

Beaten down and tired of no return
Escape the voices, pain chases
Caught every single time, then repeat
-C.A.Robinson
August 30, 2012
1:06am

I attended a class/workshop yesterday entitled, “Pursuing My Unique Purpose.” I am eager to define my purpose, I wrote “Heart and Soul,” a few months ago, I have been searching for the meaning and purpose of my life for some time now. I am acutely aware that God is calling me to serve in some capacity for His glory. It was reassuring to meet other individuals in the class/ workshop who are also searching. How amazing that we are all uniquely created by God and that He has a reason and purpose for each of us and that He loves us for the individuals we are and that we were hand crafted for His glory. I am discovering that we all have specific spiritual gifts that God gave us and with these gifts we connect with one another to form a community of faith to support each other and to spread the Good News of Jesus and His saving grace to all people. Thank you for sharing this journey with me and my these words encourage and inspire you to seek your uniqueness!

Cold and scared where will I find refuge
Bleeding within myself, beaten, battered and bruised
My chest aches with the weight of the world upon me
Will I see the Light, will I ever feel again
My tears offer no release, I’m chained twisted and torn
I want to scream but who would hear my cries
God are you there, I need to know am I worthy
I’ve never been this lost before, where is home
I feel so full of emptiness, why do I even have a heart
My heart is a battlefield colored with darkness
Will my sorrow continue, what more will fall or go away
I am the infant that nothing will soothe my cries
I am the tree on a lonely plain, no shelter no leaves
I’m a single blade of grass on a concrete yard
How did I get here , who am I, why does it matter
When did I know, what purpose do I have
Talk to me, I am searching, is that my purpose
Crawling and scraping where am I to go
Can I be true to you and to me, simultaneously
Show me the way home…

~C.A.Robinson
March 26, 2013
2:53am

Today, as I was reading the writing below, I realized that my feelings are vastly different today compared to how I felt the day I wrote them down. If we allow ourselves to concentrate on negativity a sense of emptiness will consumes us. There are days I still feel stretched in so many different directions. Often I find myself overwhelmed by obligations, obligations that I have assigned to myself. I become anxious and stressed over things that are not primarily or remotely mine, you see I’m a “fixer” I want to help and I do it freely but recently it seems that I’ve backed myself into a corner and I’m scared that by not being completely honest to myself or the situations, I disappoint myself and enable others to not take responsibility. God has blessed me so abundantly, I may not be rich in the worldly sense but I have riches that no amount of money could buy, all found in my relationships. The older I get the less material things I require. Living simplistically has freed me to invest in myself, my relationship with God, my church, my friends and my family. I am learning to fill my emptiness with deeper and more meaningful relationships and less worldly possessions. Daily, I am talking with and asking God to journey with me through my day instead of calling out for Him when I am in need. Blessings!

The emptiness rising to heights of deprivation
Days are filled with the darkest of starless night skies
Stretched, pulled in each direction up, down, side to side
Aching for stillness, frightened of the quiet loneliness
Moving, running, sprinting keeping up the pace
Hoping, wishing and fearing the past never catches up
Holding on, tightly gripping not wanting to set it free
Letting go of or setting free the emptiness
Terrified of the nothingness that lies beyond the empty
Knowledge has no purpose in affairs of the heart
Whomever said that love is blind truly experienced it
One can never appreciate love without experiencing loss
True understanding of either hinges one upon the other

Heart, mind and soul in a constant state of conflict
Knowing, doing, trusting, believing, listening and asking
Simple, direct, freedom from all my fears
Asking is so very difficult, forces within defy me
I am weak, strength is but a prayer away

~C.A.Robinson
April 3, 2013
2:24am

I have been reading through my writings today and it’s been a good experience of reminiscing. I realized that as long as I keep reliving my past I cannot move forward. I have great memories and a few sad ones, the difference reading them today is …I am being more honest with myself and trusting in God as I am traveling along this path called life. God has blessed me with extraordinary people in my life, family, friends old and new ones. I know that I am loved and I love each of person and friend in my life because they have helped shape me into the woman I am today. My mom taught me many valuable life lessons, and in some cases I am still trying to master them but I know she is watching over me and is smiling. Our life experiences help to mold us into the leaders of today. I hope that reading my life experiences brings you a sense of connectedness with others in your life. I used to become very sad when reading my writings and re-reading the one below reminded me of the amazing feeling I get when I hear whispers “i love you” at hello’s and goodbye’s. Thank you! Remind someone today that they are loved!

When did I become old,
I don’t know the hour or the day
When did carefree become routines
When did I grow cold and settled
When did I lose you
I still have you in my thoughts
I got your picture but not you
I close my eyes, I feel your hugs
I hear your voice…
I miss hugs goodbye and whispers of “i love you”
I miss hugs hello and whispers of “i love you”
Two simple things that made me feel complete even invincible
I thought there’s nothing I couldn’t do because of those two things
Loneliness is my kryptonite
Darkness my weakness
I want the sunlight back
I need only two simple things
Hugs for hello and goodbye
Whispers of “i love you” every morning and every night.

~C.A.Robinson
March 23, 2011
7:11pm