Weight of Nothingness

The past few days have forced me to look at myself and my actions as they affect others around me. I was just reminded that my words and actions need to represent the person I say that I am and as a Christian I am representing God. If my actions portray a person that enjoys tearing others down and spread stories and participate in gossip, I am not sharing the love of God and my character is not worthy. Whether we are willing to admit this truth or not, we all have people in our lives that “push” our buttons. I am sitting here telling myself I can either be part of the solution or the problem. Of course, none of us would choose “problem” but that is exactly where I am. It’s true what they say, “actions speak louder than words.” I want my actions to reflect goodness and Godliness. I recently started talking with God in the mornings before my day gets started as opposed to the end of my day. What I have noticed for me is, I am more aware and in sync with God when I ask Him to walk through the day with me. Oh, I still make many mistakes but I am now quicker to recognize my behaviors and change them more quickly. Then, at the end of my day I spend time with God again or continue talking with Him. When I pause and look back on my day, I can see the things I can do better and ask God for the guidance and support to be the person He created me to be. We are all born sinful but the choices we make daily can either reflect the image of a sinner or be a sinful person reflecting the image of God’s grace, love and forgiveness for our sin.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
–Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Weight of Nothingness
With a heavy heart these words flow
Seeing them in black and white
To the surface these things rise up

It’s not complaints that drive me to feelings of betrayal,
Rather the expectations and actions of others
Words without action are just empty words

Broken promises, empty words
Alternative motives, self-serving and truth hides
Friendship should be to and fro, not just to

Suspicious of everything and everyone,
Does it always have to hurt?
Why is the heart so easily broken?
The vital organ to make sense of it all

The peace and serenity of never letting them in,
If they never enter they cannot bring agony to life
Solidarity to oneself, pride and vanity no place to go

Everyone deserves at least one that helps and not hurts,
When and where is this elusive person, the hero…my hero?
Losing something that never was, true but I grieve

Beaten down and tired of no return
Escape the voices, pain chases
Caught every single time, then repeat
August 30, 2012