I once write about a kiss, a mystical, magical…world changing kiss. I’ve had many similar kisses to date, though honestly it been way too long. I watched a video tonight titled, this is what a kiss looks like…it was all the things I’ve imagined and have felt…waterfalls, fireworks, whitewater rapids,  flower petals, dew on the early morning grass, the song of a whip-poor-will, the chill in the air of a midnight stroll along the beach, the world lays in stillness and you and I are alone in the universe if for only a suspended moment in time. I may never experience this fairytale love affair I have tucked away in my heart, but I’m certainly not giving up on it either. I long to be someone’s princess, Someone’s somebody special…I deserve it! And face it, we all do! I see myself differently from how the world sees me. I know this to be true because when I look in the mirror, I feel like I’m seeing a stranger. I identify and see myself through my heart and my soul in addition to that, I am also very protective of myself being too vulnerable. You know, as humans we are quite fragile. Life is so much more than what the media chooses to show us, not everyone is a size 4, we don’t all have perfect skin and hair or pearly white smiles. The realities of life are that we are at times mood challenged, sleep challenged sometimes too much or not enough, sometimes rushing here and there but sometimes stuck in one place. None of us have perfect lives and honestly who would want it to be? Lives that are scheduled, planned, rehearsed and that are completely routine is not living; it is mere existence void of any emotion or need for human contact. I choose contact in any and all forms of hugs and kisses, holding hands, walking in after midnight in cool night air while stargazing, sounds of laughter and tears of joy. Whatever life may have in store for me, the wish I have and also hope for you is to be loved, loved beyond all your dreams~

A Kiss Is Still A Kiss

The innocence of it all
The reaction, still a mystery
Was it shock. Was it delight?

It was sweeter than I ever could have imagined
One small request
One summer night.

If I close my eyes
I can almost feel the moment
You and me
…one red Dodge
…one empty fair ground.

That kiss – just a kiss
But, oh what a kiss
It opened my life to a whole new world.

Since that summer night
My life, it has never been the same
Filled with much happiness mixed with some sadness

I often wonder about where my life would be
If not for that kiss
Perhaps I never really know but a parallel life is out there
…my hope, is for her happiness.

I will never regret my answer to the question
Will always be thankful for the experience
Yet, somewhat saddened by my limitations.

That kiss, though it was spectacular
Possibly mystical
However, in the end , it was just a kiss
But, oh what a kiss.

A kiss is still a kiss.

~C.A.Robinson
June 25, 1994

Continue reading “Hearts and Emotions” →

Recently, I had a conversation with someone about the struggles associated with starting a new relationship. Often the fears of our past relationships can haunt us and we tend to dwell upon them as well as bring them into a new relationships let’s call it our “lifelong baggage.” This “baggage” is simply a piece of who we are and we don’t want our past relationships and/or our past experiences to define who we are. Our past, our “baggage” does not need to define us but it definitely has helped to mold us into the individuals we are today. It is because of our past and those lessons we have learned that make us who we are today. When starting a new relationship or rekindling an old one, the idea of a “clean slate” is always a good thing; however, a clean slate doesn’t mean that our past has to be erased have to be or wiped away; we should try to embrace it because all those experiences we have had and/or lived through makes us the person that we are today. If you like/love me for who I am right now standing before you, that has to include my past. All the choices that were made leading up to this very moment, whether they were good or bad, and the lessons learned along life’s journey, they are all a part of who we are. And, if we take any of those experiences away, it takes away from who we are. Embracing the past and recognizing the choices that were made, whether they were bad ones or good ones; they have all been done to create the individuals we are today. The past does not defined you; however, it has most definitely helped to teach the lessons needed to learn in order for us to be who we are at this very moment…perfectly imperfect! A child of God!

~Blessings and Peace~

Prayer~ what images come to mind upon hearing or reading the word, “prayer”? No matter your religious beliefs or non-belief, I think most people form a visual of what prayer is to them. This is not a question of right or wrong or one singular way to pray or the type of prayer you practice or to whom in general. I will say that for me, I am a Christian and I pray to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I aspire to live and share my faith and its experiences with you, knowing that God’s hands and arms are big enough for all of us. When I think of prayer and the many ways of praying, I see knees bent with heads bowed and hands folded; I see hands raised and voices shouting; I see hands holding hands around a dinner table; I see tears of joy; I hear the voices of sadness and despair; I hear voices of praise and thanksgiving. All these describe us at our very best and at our very worst…what about the in-between times? I’ll be honest over the years I have found myself praying a lot in the 7th inning of my softball years; when family members and friends were suffering; after a great softball win and after the healing of a loved one. This all got me thinking about not just prayer, but why do we pray and do we pray enough? I began to research this and found myself in a place that I have been away from for far too long. You see I pray, often I think but it’s about what I’m praying about and why? God desires to be in connection with us; a relationship. He not only wants to hear our prayers of celebrations and of our grief, but He also wants to be in communication with us, hearing about the little things, our daily events that sometimes quite frankly are all too routine and quite possibly boring. I tell you this truth, He cares about the routine and the sometimes boring. I like to picture God with a smile when I mention His name. He doesn’t want to be invited and thanked for just the “good stuff,” He wants to be a part of everything! So recently, after talking about the Bible with friends of mine I realized after many decades of praying, I whisper when I pray. When I am alone in my home, I whisper? Curiously I ask myself why? I have spent some time asking myself and I came to an answer somewhat, I formed a habit and learned behavior in that I want to be respectful to God as I approach Him in prayer even though I believe He can hear my thoughts, know the longings of my heart and hears my every whispers…I think He would like to hear me “in conversation with” Him. Sometimes a whisper works, sometimes shouting a song will get the message across…this I know to be true…God wants to hear from us no matter the method, He loves us and hears our every spoken word or not. AMEN!
~Blessings and Peace~

Hours turn into days
Thoughts quickly fade to a haze
Food becomes comfort
Movements become less
Thoughts are sporadically up and down
Emotions flickering from hope to helpless
Knowing full well hope and help exist
Seeing the path needed but feeling powerless to pursue it
Wanting to be alone but comforted too
Feeling and sensing that this was coming for several days
As one who watches and anticipates devastating weather events
No matter the planning everyone knows the inevitable will happen
Depression slowly seeps into the cracks and crevices of the human existence
The harder one fights
The deeper one gets tangled in the desperate clutches of depressions hold
Much like someone being stuck in quicksand
The harder one fights to get out
The faster one sinks into its bottomless pit
One does not choose depression
Depression chooses and seeks out to destroy and devour individuals
All with no visible or invisible signs remorse
Recognizing the signs of depression creeping into ones existence
This is the best defense in taking its powers
Create alternative ways to divert and lessen depressions grip
Just because depression can happen
Doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for its arrival.

You might just surprise yourself with your abilities to be proactive and no solely reactive. Having a plan to reduce depression’s effects on you will take the power from depression and place it in your hands.
Continue to challenge yourself and learning about who you are, you are worthy, you valuable and most of all you are loved. God specifically and uniquely created you for a purpose and He promises to always be with you.
YOU MATTER! YOU ARE LOVED!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Crisis Services | 24-Hour Help Hotline – Crisis Call Center
http://www.crisiscallcenter.org

Hotlines – Teen Health and Wellness
http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines

~Blessings and Peace~

 

Do you ever have days where you just feel like you need more love in your life? I’m not talking “love” in the sense of romantic love. I mean love as it relates to the validation of your personhood, reinforcement that you contribute to the world in positive ways, recognition that you matter in small ways and big ways, or just to receive blessings by way of smiles from strangers, hugs from friends, and praise for being the person you are and being exceptional at being you! Most of us would agree there’s nothing wrong with receiving validation, reinforcement and blessings. The problem can sometimes come from seeking validation, reinforcement and recognition/blessings. I would venture to say a significant number of people reading this will be able to identify with the needs and desires for validation from people in our lives such as our family, friends, co-workers, church community, bosses, mailman/women, our favorite restaurants servers, postal carrier, supervisors…the list can be these things and/or many others. My point is when we rely on others to make us feel better about ourselves, we will always be disappointed. I have struggled with this issue on and off for as long as I can remember. I absolutely know that I matter, that I have a purpose, that there’s a plan for my life through Christ Jesus, but…really, there should never be a “but” following truth and trust in Jesus Christ. So why do some of us go into this self-destruct mode? Recently, I have been seeing lots of pictures and photos on Twitter that remind me, I am a child of God and He wants to love me as a parent loves and cares for their children. God also wants us to trust Him and to take the time and patience to love ourselves. I hope these words and photos provide you with encouragement and confidence to love yourself but most importantly that God loves you. I know this can be a difficult task to accomplish but you can do this, you are so WORTH it!

~Blessings and Peace~

I heard this song today and even though I’ve heard it several times, today thoughts of my mom flooded my mind when I heard it playing on the radio. Although the song is about the great love that God has for each of us, it also brought to mind the great love my parents have for me, my brother and our extended families. I have been extremely blessed in that I can remember my great-grandparents, and had my grandparents in my life many years into adulthood. Today, marks three years since my mom left this conditional world. I still miss her every day and although she’s no longer here physically, I still tell her I love her, visit her grave site and take small gifts…she lives in my heart and will always be my mom. My mom would not want me to continue struggling with her passing, she was a no-nonsense woman! I could not sleep tonight, my mind kept thinking of 3:22am, June 22…that’s when I got the call…I’m not sure what I expected would happen at 3:22, but I can tell you what I did at 3:22…I paused and let happy memories of her dance in my thoughts, eyes closed and thanked God for giving me the most amazing mom I could ever have ask for. It still hurts sometimes because girls just need their moms sometimes, no matter how old we get, moms can give provide just the right amount of love to heal most any crisis that comes along. Today I am going to concentrate on the happy moments we had together…her life should be celebrated and not simply to be mourned. This process of celebration won’t be easy but like the old saying goes…most things worthwhile are almost never easy. I would like to pass along a bit of knowledge I’ve been able to grasp during these past three years…do not run from your grief. The grieving process is different for everyone, at least the order of each stage of grief can be. I encourage you to explore the stages of grief, if and when you must face its challenges. I know that I’ve grown and matured in ways I never could have imagined because of the unimaginable loss of my mom. I give God the glory for lessons learned. My prayer for you is that God blesses you in a very special way today and that by sharing my grief story someone else is able to identify with it and accept that God is in control, He loves you and wants nothing but the best for you.

The Day

The day I never wanted to come
That day has come and gone
The imagined loss and emptiness
Those feelings has settled in
A void that cannot be filled
How does one grieve such a loss
Not with time, family or friends
Such a loss with open wounds
Wounds that are felt more than seen
Pain that blocks all healing
Mourning that feels no relief
Just one more hug or embrace
One more I love you
No one can ease the pains of life
Nothing like a mothers love
Mom, I miss you
I miss you everyday.

C.A.Robinson
~July 28, 2012
@ 10:26pm

~Blessings and Peace~

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This little guy is so darn cute, (it’s a Black Crake) my initial thought was his feet are awfully big for his body. Then almost immediately I thought what a great analogy of having a strong and firm foundation in Christ Jesus. The impression that this little guys feet are shouting…I will stand firm, no matter what comes my way. As a Christian, this photo tells me, the more grounded I am in the teachings of Christ Jesus and allow myself to be immersed in a faith community I can also say…”I will stand firm in the days of trials and temptations” my adaptation of Ephesians 6:11. My hope is you can relate to my interpretation of a seemingly, generic photo of a cute bird; to the wonders of God’s boundless love, grace and mercy for all His creation.

Ephesians 6:11(NLT) “Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.

~Blessings and Peace~

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_crake

I was pondering the other day, a habit I do a lot, my friends would say. I was in my car, driving along listening to the radio and all of a sudden I realized life is simply the act of living. Now I know your probably saying to yourself, duh! To that I reply, I agree…touchè! At some point in life some of us complicate life and develop attitudes of entitlement. Whether or not one believes in an afterlife, I think a majority of people would agree that what you put into life you will get out of life, meaning one must work in order to have the things one wants and needs. I feel very fortunate to be called part of the “Baby Boomers” I have experienced life at a time when technology was scarcely available to being inundated with technology that allows and promotes instantaneous results and gratification. I remember our family was the only house on the block that had a home telephone, and it was called a party-line. This is definitely “old school” and maybe something you’ve never heard of! A party line is a local loop telephone circuit that is shared by multiple telephone service subscribers. So not only were there only a few telephones available, those lines were shared lines and if someone had an emergency the caller would have to ask others to hang up so you could make a call! Hilarious to think about compared to now, practically everyone has a personal cell phone with capabilities far beyond just making phone calls. The point I’m trying to make is this, today I have my phone with me 24/7/365 and I still get frustrated and impatient which is utterly ridiculous because as a kid and even a young adult if I needed to make a call, I either waited until I got home or to a pay phone. There’s so many examples I could point out showing how we, as a nation and the world in general have grown and prospered but I think you probably get a sense of what I’m talking about. Getting back to my moment of pondering, as a Christian I was reminded that no where in the Bible does God promise or describe life as being easy, carefree, or perfect. In fact, I will go onto say that life isn’t about “our” comfort; it’s about being in places and circumstances where growth has the opportunities to take place. Often I have found that during the most difficult and stressful events in my life, God teaches me lessons that have had profound effects on my life and more importantly my relationship with God. On more than one occasion I have heard it said that we are called to be God’s hands and feet and to share the His love with everyone. As a Christian I have learned and accepted the truth and reality that life is not fair, more importantly God does not place us in harm’s way, we are not dispensable pawns in a game used for mere enjoyment or entertainment, we are God’s creation each uniquely different from one another. The most profound thing I’ve learned is this…”Life is not about what (we) think we can do or what (we) think our limitations might be; it’s about what God “knows” we are capable of doing and being. God’s plans are far beyond what even our wildest dreams could imagine.” Isaiah 64:8 “Yet, you Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

~Blessings and Peace~

The Compassion of Jesus

(Matthew 9:35-38) (NKJV)

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore, pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_line_%28telephony%29

Today, I’ve sort of barricaded my self within the confines of my home. I am surrounded with luxuries many don’t have such as running water, food, clothing, shelter, electricity, books and paper…I share this not to brag but to thank God for His abundant blessings. I am not worthy of any of these things, only by the grace of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Today I find myself neither having feelings of encouragement or discouragement. I am not satisfied nor unsatisfied just laying in bed, this is my safe zone. My protected area I can be and know that I’m surrounded with love, memories of family and friends and most significantly my God. This room is where I discover dreams and care for and allow my dreams space to grow in this my safe place. My bedroom/study area is the single most solitude place in my home. My home and most especially my bed are practically virgin(ness) once again. But I am not trying to dwell upon those things. Sleeping and resting are having an unusual effect upon me during the past few days perhaps a week, I often wake not refreshed but drained and exhausted. I know that I am experiencing a deeper level of sleep referred to as REM sleep, as I often dream and upon waking I try to remember as much as I can about my dreams. Most of my dreams frighten me and cause physical expressions such as screaming, thrashing the sheets and blankets and occasionally yelling out for help for specific people. Sometimes I’m afraid of my dreams and I keep them locked up inside, shoving them down as far as I can possibly push them. My small piece of the world seems to draw closer and closer day by day. My fears of people and things this earth can do to me are far more pleasant than what God can do to me. I’ve dreamed of Heaven since I was a child, I remember those stories and visions of streets paved in gold, with pure, crisp refreshing water flowing in streams for all to drink, resting on fluffy white clouds and the endless celebration of God’s final victory over sin and darkness. That’s where I want to be, I do not want to miss out because of my puffed up ego, my pride or my self-righteous indignation. I am not asking for the frontline, I only want to be called good and faithful servant. God, I am yours use me for your glory not mine, I know I have taken credit for things that were yours alone, forgive me, mend me complete me again. You gave me the gift of “empathy” and through your power and love I have been able to show others grief and loss as temporary, temporary in the sense that we learn to live with loss and find useful means for it in our daily lives. When I lost my mother I was 47 years old, age means absolutely nothing when you lose a parent. All I knew for sure was I would never again feel her embrace when I was sick or hurt, celebrating or mourning. I would never see the determination in her eyes and the hear the joy from her laughter. Today, sitting in my protected space at home, her voice is so far away even my memory has difficulty recalling it. It makes no difference to me what she meant to others because for all the many wonderful things she was, the best of all is, she’s my mom. I love her so much, I miss her so very much. And as I fight back the tears, I can faintly hear her say, “no tears please…I love you, this is your mother speaking….”

I Love You, Jesus
I Love You, Mom

~Blessings and Peace~

James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”