Full of Emptiness

Today, as I was reading the writing below, I realized that my feelings are vastly different today compared to how I felt the day I wrote them down. If we allow ourselves to concentrate on negativity a sense of emptiness will consumes us. There are days I still feel stretched in so many different directions. Often I find myself overwhelmed by obligations, obligations that I have assigned to myself. I become anxious and stressed over things that are not primarily or remotely mine, you see I’m a “fixer” I want to help and I do it freely but recently it seems that I’ve backed myself into a corner and I’m scared that by not being completely honest to myself or the situations, I disappoint myself and enable others to not take responsibility. God has blessed me so abundantly, I may not be rich in the worldly sense but I have riches that no amount of money could buy, all found in my relationships. The older I get the less material things I require. Living simplistically has freed me to invest in myself, my relationship with God, my church, my friends and my family. I am learning to fill my emptiness with deeper and more meaningful relationships and less worldly possessions. Daily, I am talking with and asking God to journey with me through my day instead of calling out for Him when I am in need. Blessings!

The emptiness rising to heights of deprivation
Days are filled with the darkest of starless night skies
Stretched, pulled in each direction up, down, side to side
Aching for stillness, frightened of the quiet loneliness
Moving, running, sprinting keeping up the pace
Hoping, wishing and fearing the past never catches up
Holding on, tightly gripping not wanting to set it free
Letting go of or setting free the emptiness
Terrified of the nothingness that lies beyond the empty
Knowledge has no purpose in affairs of the heart
Whomever said that love is blind truly experienced it
One can never appreciate love without experiencing loss
True understanding of either hinges one upon the other

Heart, mind and soul in a constant state of conflict
Knowing, doing, trusting, believing, listening and asking
Simple, direct, freedom from all my fears
Asking is so very difficult, forces within defy me
I am weak, strength is but a prayer away

April 3, 2013

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