As I spoke and prayed with God today I thanked Him for all the blessings I have in my life and the ones I enjoy everyday.  Tonight, I’m in my parents home surrounded by the sights, sounds and smells of my youth.  There’s no turkey basting, rolls baking or noodles being made but I can sense them all the same.  Every corner holds a memory of her, some from her youth while others are simply “mom” my mom.  I should not be sad as she would not approve, but I miss her all the same.  Honestly, daily I thank God for giving me such a wonderful love filled life, I have more than most can claim to in this life, I have food, shelter, clothing, family, friends, job, health insurance…I am not rich in a worldly sense of the meaning but rich I am because I have been saved by Jesus and He’s with me at all times, most especially when I’m feeling very alone.  I would very much like to feel my moms loving arms around me just one more time, to have the opportunity to say I love you one more time.  I didn’t know that my last goodbye would be the “last” goodbye.   I remember it so vividly, the very spot and time of day, the day of the week and watched as she drove away, both of us waving.  Holidays and special days bring floods of memories sometimes too many to contain my emotions, today is one of those days.  I find it easy to cry and the tears easily flow during the simplest thing as watching TV.  I know my tears need a release but I often restrain them.  You are probably wondering if there’s a point to be made from all this, I am going to be honest I started typing because I felt called to do so by God,  I am searching as I type the words that come from my heart. I want to share with you that we celebrate “Thanksgiving” once a year but we as Christian every single day is a day of “Thanksgiving!”  I want to embrace these emotions that are tangled up inside me, join me during this Thanksgiving to embrace all the things you have in your life, God will bless and keep you!  Not my promises but God’s.  Numbers 6:24-26 (NIV) “The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; The Lord turn His face towards you and give you peace.”

May this “Thanksgiving” be filled with memories new and old and most especially the everlasting love of God!

~Blessings and Peace~

I read a devotional yesterday that made me do some serious soul-searching.  It was from an app on my iPhone, (information is listed below).  During the past few years I have experienced a wide variety of emotions that have been from mildly uncomfortable to deep despair wondering when it would all stop.  I lost my mom unexpectedly, a 10 year love ended, started a new life alone and began a pilgrimage for the religion/faith of my youth.  Well, it never stops, emotions are part of each of us, deny as we all have tried but they remain. I used to try to hide my (feelings) emotions, the only person I ever really fooled was myself. We all have a “tell” mine is my posture, expressions and my tone of voice. Pretty much everyone knows mine, in many ways I am thankful but to be honest it has been a pathetic scene at times. With God, no matter what we do or say, He knows our hearts nothing is ever truly hid from God.  And, even then in our messiness of sin, God loves us and wants us to repent and ask for His forgiveness.  Simple “NOTHING” compares to God’s unconditional love. Even if you only know a few stories from the Bible or if you have read it front to back, it is filled with stories of good people doing ridiculous things to not follow God’s will for their lives, running and hiding from God, but in the end they repent and God uses them for amazing purposes and their lives are make rich through their relationship with God. I often need reminded that God never promised only good days, His promise is, “He will never leave us or forsake us…” Hebrews 13:5.  The past few days I have cried, prayed, agonized and stressed over issues that were and are out of my control but being human, doing what (we) humans do…I wanted to help.  The single most important thing I could have done was simply to pray and put the matter in God’s hands; and although I did pray I somehow thought I could still do something more.  At the end of the day, I was able to help due to some “tough love” of two very special people in my life they reminded me that by doing less you can absolutely accomplish more! You see “I” wanted to “be” the help and by doing that I was making the situation about me, not the person who needed help and I was wanting to take credit for something that only happened because of God, because of His great love, mercy and compassion; I did help, I opened a door and God used me and lots of others for the common good of us all collectively.  I am not saying “we” human-beings can’t help and do great things, we do through the might and power of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Today, was not my victory, it was God’s!  I noticed that as soon as I took my eyes off of myself and others, refocused on God trusting in Him I felt a calmness come over me.  As I mentioned earlier, I experienced some highs and lows today, I found myself crying uncontrollably at times and as I reflected I came face to face with a truth…I cannot remember the last time I shed a tear asking for forgiveness from God, I know I am sinful and I am sorry when I mess up but if I cry at things like Hallmark commercials, weddings, funerals, break-ups and make-ups then obviously my priorities are messed up, I am in need of a Savior and doesn’t He deserve more from me than “I’m sorry, I’ll try harder?” I have been blogging about “Faith” during the past month and God is revealing much truth to me and I am not ashamed to be a Christian and can you just imagine what our world would be like if our faith was merely the size of a “mustard seed?”  WOW!  Jesus said, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 (NIV).  I have a song that have been playing in my head while writing this; Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” a visionary song filled with lyrics of hope, peace, love and celebration.  I also have a favorite saying and I have it posted on my front door, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you.” John 14:27.

~Blessings and Peace~

“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” (NLT) ( Revelation 3:15-16 )

What does it look like to be on fire for Christ? Does God see your faith as hot or cold, or worse, lukewarm? Are you thinking of ways you can impact God’s kingdom? Is your day filled with busyness or is it filled with purposefulness? Maybe it’s time to infuse some passion today.

Insights by Billy Graham from the book, “My Time with God”:

Before I can become wise, I must first realize that I am foolish.  Before I can receive power, I must first confess I am powerless.  I must lament my sins before I can rejoice in a Savior.  Mourning, in God’s sequence, always comes before exultation.  Blessed are those who mourn their unworthiness, their helplessness, and their inadequacy.

Isaiah, the mighty prophet of God, knew by experience that one must bow the knee in mourning before one can lift the voice of jubilation.  When his sin appeared ugly and venomous in the bright light of God’s holiness, he said, “Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.” Isaiah 6:5

We cannot be satisfied with our goodness after beholding the holiness of God.  But our mourning over our unworthiness and sinfulness should be of short duration, for God has said: “I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.” Isaiah 43:25

Isaiah had to experience the mourning of inadequacy before he could realize the joy of forgiveness…

In God’s economy, a person must go down into the valley of grief before he or she can scale the heights of spiritual glory.  One must become tired and weary of living without Christ before he or she can seek and find fellowship.  One must come to the end of “self” before one can really begin to live.

References:

Download this app: http://jctrois.com

http://www.biblegateway.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ4L91PKYwk&feature=share&list=PLB65ED80C6550077B

When I first began discussing “Faith” I stated I would be covering 3 parts to the series. 

1. To identify and name what keeps us from faith (fear, confidence, inferiority…) whatever is enabling us?
2. To be honest with ourselves and most especially with God.
3. To know where we are, where we want to be and to whom we belong.

Review of Part 1, God does not require us to be at a particular place in life or in our belief or faith to be saved and be in fellowship with God; most importantly because we are incapable of ever reaching Him and saving ourselves.  God wants to meet us exactly where we are in life, the only thing required is for us to admit we are sinful and to recognize that God loved us so much He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ to suffer and die.  We are afforded salvation through the mercy, grace and unconditional love of God…period!  My lack of self-confidence and understanding truth keep me from being in constant relationship with God, my humanness.  God bridged the gap that separates us from Him and His glory because of our sins through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Jesus paid the ransom for all sin, by His unselfish act of doing His Father’s will we now have an intercessor on our behalf to reconcile with God the Father. 

I Timothy 2:5-6 (NIV) “For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time.”

Hebrews 7:23-25 (NIV) “Now there have been many of those priests, since death prevented them from continuing in office; but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.”

Review of Part 2, I stated that “faith” to me is an “action” word and I also stated, “While it is true, faith in God requires my affirmation (action) in God displayed in my daily life and interactions, the real action of faith is the power, majesty and grace of God.”  Faith is the foundation of Christian life and assurance of a future in Heaven with God. 

Part 3 of Faith is for each of us to individually look at our lives and seek to be more Christ-like and deepen our relationship with God.  There is no better person to tell your life story than you!  Our lives can be anything we want it to be; in many ways we can be our own worst enemy or our biggest fan.  God has given each of us a detailed plan for an amazing life, the Bible.  The Bible can be scary to open and read, but you don’t have to be scared.  Start with stories you’ve heard or watch a movie about a story from the Bible.  The Bible is filled with true accounts of men and women living for God, their stories are about activities that still happen in our lives today, such as betrayal, grief, victory, love, companionship, trials, pain, healing, brotherhood, sacrifice, miracles, prophecy, strength, mercy, forgiveness, agriculture, geography, mathematics, promises kept, promises broken, cultural, traditions, laws, nature, animals, history, health issues, families…anything and everything you can think of can be found within the pages of the Bible.  These are my truths:

1. I believe in Jesus Christ, He came and lived on earth and took upon Himself the sins of the entire human race.  God loves us that much.
2. I believe in Heaven and Hell, I choose Heaven not because it beats the alternative but because Jesus loves me, He created me and He gave me purpose.  I hunger for knowledge about my God and His wondrous works. 
3. I am sinful; it is something I am reminded of daily and thankful for forgiveness.  God meets me each day where I am.
4. I want to share my views and faith with others; I am seeking God’s will for my life.

Things that work for me and help keep me be honest and true:

1. Begin my day with devotions and praying to God, talking with God.  He wants to be in relationship with His children.
2. Ask for God with walk with me throughout my day, reminding myself that I am not alone.  I also where a ring that is engraved, “You’ll never walk alone.” 
3. End my day with a devotional and sharing with God.
4. Attend church, involved in groups and activities within my church and help my community.
5. I read books, share on twitter and I share my faith on my blog.
6. Engage in conversations about my faith with friends.
7. Less TV entertainment, TV became a distraction for me it kept me in my home too much and created less time to be in community with my family and friends.

I had initially stated, that faith for me is an action word; with the focus being “my” actions while I believe that to be true, faith in God requires my affirmation (action) in God displayed in my daily life and interactions, the real action of faith is the power, majesty and grace of God.  Faith is the foundation of Christian life and assurance of spending eternity in Heaven with God because we are incapable of saving ourselves.  Here’s a quote by Charles Spurgeon that rings so true, “When I thought God was hard, I found it easy to sin; but when I found God so kind, so good, so overflowing with compassion, I beat my breast to think I could ever have rebelled against One who loved me so and sought my good.”

Our time together has ended, now our services begin!  I hope this 3 part series has been beneficial to you and your Christian journey.  I will list some references below that may also be helpful:

~Blessings and Peace~

References:

http://jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/10/02/tullian-tchividjian/

http://www.biblegateway.com

http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence

http://www.wikihow.com/Trust-Your-Own-Abilities

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

Romans 10:17 (NIV) “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.”

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV) “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast.”

I recently received news from a friend that she is moving to Hawaii, I was so excited for her but also sad that I may not get to see her for a long time. She and I had once planned for a Hawaiian vacation unfortunately it never can to fruition.  Our friendship has spanned over a decade and we have shared ups and downs, successes and failures as well as love and loss with one another. It’s funny, she used to refer to me as her “hero” a role that fueled my confidence day by day, year after year I tried to be everything for my friend. A difficult lesson I learned through the years was loving someone and providing for someone are wonderful things to do but life and relationship are about the to and fro, the give and take…they must be reciprocal in order to grow individually as well as together.  This lesson was one I learned from NOT doing those things. In any relationship communication is key, doing too much for a partner or friend can actually hurt the one person you are trying to help and love completely, crazy I know but it’s the truth. I learned that sometimes you have to allow freedom and change to happen so love can blossom and grow, to mature.  I wanted to be her “hero” and I thought that could only happen if I did everything, sometimes being the “hero” meaning stepping back and watching the cocoon bloom into a beautiful butterfly…That is exactly what happened with my friend!!! She is independent, smart and beautiful! I wish her much happiness in Hawaii and I know that when I am able to see her again it will be as if no time has passed.  I was unable to recognize the plans that God had for me, until I was able to surrender all to Him, His plan is way cooler than I ever dreamed.  Aloha, my friend traveling mercies for you and much happiness!  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you, ‘declares the Lord,’ plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

References:

http://www.biblegateway.com/

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a “Celebrate Recovery’s 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons” meeting with two of my cousins. The meeting was very upbeat and had an energetic atmosphere. I am truly thankful that groups like these exist for individuals to receive support and camaraderie. I agreed with the majority of information I heard at the meeting and I am somewhat hesitant to mention my concerns and views; however, my conscience is not allowing me to not speak…My caution is to anyone involved in organized groups like this one specifically or ones similar, please do not accept everything you hear or see without exploring the content for yourself. My heart became troubled over words used in two of the twelve steps, it may just be the words themselves but for me to not share my views seemed unconscionable. Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity and Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.  The word “sanity” for me is too strong and for me I prefer ” the renewal of your mind” in Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  My second word of concern is “defect” I believe that we are all born uniquely created by God and that we all are born with a purpose.  The verse I would select is Psalms 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Ok, for the record, I am not a theologian, these are my personal preferences, it is entirely possible that these passages and references were instilled in me by someone, much like the “Celebrate Recovery’s 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons.”   So, I am not throwing stones, merely sharing my belief and a word of caution, you can’t believe everything you hear…you must seek knowledge on your own as well.  I have most recently been writing about faith and what is means to me, faith is personal…whatever you may have faith in should be personal.  I am specifically talking about my faith in God and I have no proof or logic to give you only that I do believe in a power greater than myself and that power is the Holy Trinity, God the Father, the Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  I have been involved in church activities my whole life, but I am also celebrating a recovery, just as with any addiction…sin!  Humans are sinful, and we must daily pray and ask God for guidance and support, we are born sinful by nature and battles are won daily and will continue to rage on until the war is over, that will be when Jesus comes for His followers and we will live with Him forever in Heaven.  Until that day, we are all in a state of recovery, daily we must arm ourselves with grace, mercy, love and forgiveness for ourselves as well as all the people we come in contact with. God loves each of us and desires to be in relationship with us, He is just wanting to be asked to share your life, all of it the good times, the sad times and lonely times…there is not a single event in our lives that God doesn’t want to share with us.  If it’s been awhile since you have talked with God, go ahead and call upon Him now, He’s available 24/7/365…no waiting/no appointment necessary.   Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

~Blessings and Peace~

References:

http://www.biblegateway.com/

http://ssalinda.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/58/

Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who is at work in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.  PHILIPPIANS 2:13

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

JAMES 4:10 NIV

After I finished writing part 1, I read an article on twitter that provided some insight to “faith.”  The article features Tullian Tchividjian, grandson of Billy Graham, he shares his thoughts regarding his new book, “One Way Love: Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World.”   The article offered a different way of defining faith to me.  I previously stated that faith for me is an action word; with the focus being “my” actions…I believe that I was somewhat slanted in my view.  While it is true, faith in God requires my affirmation (action) in God displayed in my daily life and interactions, the real action of faith is the power, majesty and grace of God.  Faith is the foundation of Christian life and assurance of a future in Heaven with God.  A quote from the article that really spoke to me was “Only undeserved grace can truly melt and transform the heart. The route by which the New Testament exhorts sacrificial love and obedience is not by tempering grace but by driving it home. Charles Spurgeon nailed it when he said, “When I thought God was hard, I found it easy to sin; but when I found God so kind, so good, so overflowing with compassion, I beat my breast to think I could ever have rebelled against One who loved me so and sought my good.”   We are incapable of saving ourselves; faith enables us to spend eternity with God.  Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” And, Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) states, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Romans 10:17 (NIV) “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” Scripture explains that the source of faith is God:  Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)”For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast.”  Another quote (paraphrased) that hit me like a brick wall was, “The focus of Christian faith should not be our love for God but to realize God’s love for us.”   And, “Christianity is not about good people getting better. If anything, it is good news for bad people coping with their failure to be good.” 

I did say this is a journey and my first task is to identify and name it, the thing or things that keeps me from fully living my faith and developing a deeper relationship with God.

•   Self-Confidence
•   Trust

Now, my work begins.  Funny, that statement immediately took me to one of my favorite places, my church.  At the end of every service the congregation says, “Our worship has ended. Now our Service begins!”  I approach this task with fears, humility and hope.  Below are a few of sites I have looked at and they offer simple and creative ways to build self-confidence and trust.  Our pasts will be different during this portion of the trekking but our futures can and will be what we choose them to be and mine is to grow and develop an interacting relationship with my Creator and Savior. 

~Blessings and Peace~ 

References and resources:

http://jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/10/02/tullian-tchividjian/

http://www.biblegateway.com

http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence

http://www.wikihow.com/Trust-Your-Own-Abilities

Faith, what visual picture does this word bring to you or what does it mean to you.  I proudly profess to be a Christian and believe in the Trinity of God the Father, the Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  Faith is the belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof. I found myself this past week questioning my faith in people I care very deeply for, what does that say about me and my faith in God?  I believe in a God, whom I have never seen and I doubt people I see and interact with on a regular basis.  This revelation has caused great concern to me and I started trying to understand this double standard I am living.  I started as basic as I possibly could asking is faith, trust and belief the same thing?  They are synonyms for each other and are defined very closely, but I am more interested in the words as “action” words rather than simple nouns. Faith is an “action” word for me, it’s living out my faith on a daily basis and is what others see in me.  It was a devastating feeling when I realized my faith seemed to be weak.  As I was considering  these things the word “trust” kept creeping into my thoughts, and after thinking about it and having a conversation with someone close to me I began to see with perfect clarity that it is myself that I do not trust and that my belief/faith in myself is weak.  As with most things in life, it is expected that one should be able to understand and do things before they expect to receive it from others.  The foundation of my faith and belief in God is that He loved me before I was created, He knew me before I was conceived, these truths are found in the Bible.  I have been holding onto fear for as long as I can remember and although I have experienced periods of strength and confidence somehow I recoil back into a place where I have retreated over and over again throughout my life.  What am I so afraid of? Criticism, not being pretty enough, smart enough overall not feeling loved, liked or accepted.  The problem is I try to be accepted based upon everyone else’s moral and value code of ethics…see my problem?  The rules will never be the same; therefore, I will never meet any of them!  I must define my own values and morals to live by and the only acceptance and approval I should be seeking is God’s.  Please bear with me, I realize I might be making this sound easy and in many instances it can be; however, if you are reading this and have ever experienced doubts about yourself, life and even the eternal know that you are not alone.  I am starting a journey and I am inviting you to join me, the first thing is to identify and name it (fear, confidence, inferiority..) whatever is enabling; second thing is honesty with ourselves and most especially with God, He already knows what’s in our hearts.  The third thing is a plan, knowing where we are and where we want to go/be.  I think three steps are more than enough to begin this journey.  I will be updating and sharing my trek of living my faith and I would welcome dialogue.

~Blessings and Peace~

What do you do when you are expecting something?

Today, I was expecting to see an old friend, I got up early and ran all my errands, then rushed home to clean and straighten the apartment all with anticipation.  I wanted things to be neat and tidy for my friend, although she would never say anything if it had been messy!  The excitement and the waiting were unnerving at times.  Several thoughts raced through my mind, would she notice my weight loss, would she be excited and happy to see me…oh, the list or at least my mind raced into many different directions.  We have been friends for well over a decade, we have seen each other though many things over the years; from friends to lovers back to friends again.  My best description of our relationship is…family.  I will always love her and I will always wish for her happiness. She is strong and independent, smart and beautiful to mention a few of her traits.  I will always have a special place for her in my life and in my heart, although we are hundreds of miles apart, she knows that I am here for her anytime and I too can call upon her.  She used to tell me that I was her hero,  that made me feel invincible!   The most courageous thing she ever did was also one the most difficult things I have ever dealt with, telling me her love for me had changed, that was it and she never changed her mind or looked back from that moment.  Fast forward four years, she and I are different people today, wiser and more knowledgeable, I like to think.  The  breakup has been by far one the most difficult, heartbreaking journeys I have ever been through and has affected me so radically all I can do is say “Thank You” for loving me enough to let go.  I am a better person, a better friend and maybe someday a better lover, but none of this would even be possible if she had just stayed going through the motions.  You are probably wondering, why am I telling you this story…well I want to share the rest of my story with you and it only came to fruition because of that journey.  I had always identified myself by the people I loved and cared for, so when I was forced to live with myself it was uncomfortable, I did not like taking care of me as much as I liked taking care of others.  I discovered if I am not whole, I can not make someone else whole, I lacked the knowledge and skills to do that.  I am a stubborn individual and I was starving to be needed but I was looking in all the wrong places.   I started to look for order in my life, I wanted God but I wanted Him on my terms.  I searched for a community that could feed me spiritually but I was stubborn at this too.  I was scared to make choices of make myself vulnerable, I wanted love, peace and security…but I did not want to invest too much time finding these things.  So, after two plus years, I did find a church and a community of faith filled with a wealth of interesting people, who thought I was kind of interesting as well.  It has not been an easy road getting to the place I’m at right now, but I can say with all honesty, that through all the tears and fears I count it all a blessing.  God had always been a part of my life as far back as I can remember, I am so very thankful that God never gave up on me.  My joy comes from knowing where I’ve been and absolutely knowing where I going.  I can now lay claim my values knowing to  whom I belong and that I am loved by so many.  God was and is in control, I was merely delirious in thinking I was in control.   My future is in God’s hands as I seek to do His will and not mine.  I am fully aware that bad and probably sad things are going to happen in my life, none will compare to life without God, He created me, knew me before I was born, knew I would screw things up but loved me in spite of myself.  Life is hopeless without God, with God Life is Hope Filled!

~Peace and Blessings~