The Lord is my shepherd
Whom shall I fear
The road ahead is narrow
All that’s required, believe in the One True God
This body is the vessel for travel
My help is in the Lord
Dressed with the…Full Armor of God
…the belt of truth buckled around your waist,
…the breastplate of righteousness,
…my feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace,
…the shield of faith that extinguishes flaming arrows of the evil one,
…the helmet of salvation,
…the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God.
~Ephesians 6:14-17
~C.A.Robinson
December 21, 2013
3:53pm

Finding it difficult to breathe
The air is heavy, almost crushing
My body aches from the weight
My concentration is elusive
Darkness is all around me
Nothing seems familiar
Strangeness and fear surround me
Visions of brokenness haunting me
If I could only rest, find safety
Loneliness is dark and empty
I am not the answer
I wanted to be the answer
No longer is this my wish
Take it back, I’m not worthy
I can’t do this anymore, alone
My voice is too weak
My attitude calloused
Pride ugly and torn
Weak, defeat, tired and shame
Who am I, self-appointed ….
One way leading to a dead-end
Crawling, begging for mercy
Laughing and sport
My scars run deep
All tucked away from sight
I’m not fooling anyone, but me
Why do I…why did I…why now
Breathe, exhale, breathe, exhale
Repeat…

~C.A.Robinson
12/15/2013
2:33am

I read a devotional today that gave me clarity and I felt the need to share it.

When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. John 15:10 (NLT)

Being obedient can be difficult to do without the right attitude. There is something deep down inside us that fights against submission and obedience. But in a loving relationship with God, our will become aligned with His will because He has our best in mind. Our heavenly Father takes joy in knowing we happily obey His requests of us. What is your attitude towards obedience?

Obedience, that sure covers a lot.  I want to be obedient and to honor God, my family and friends. I feel like the only thing in my way is me.  My journey continues and so does yours, God has plans for all of us.   Hang in there and trust God, seek His understanding.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

~Blessings and Peace~

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Today, my day started like most days do for me the daily making coffee, showering, dressing and doing my devotional.  I completed these tasks with the same vigor I normally do, taking steps to not be disturbed during my devotional time, I turn all my alarms to silence on my phone and today waiting for the wash cycle to end to add fabric softener to the washer.  I sat in my chair and read Luke Chapter 16, The Parable of the Shrewd Manager.  I thought I understood what Jesus was teaching and I sincerely prayed about all the blessing I have and praying for friends and family.  My day progressed as any other normal day, start my drive to work, called my dad as I do daily and also spoke with my brother.  I arrived at work, securing a primo parking spot, front row and near the sidewalk…things are going great.  The weather is mildly cold, no brisk wind blowing, skies mostly cloudy and a winter weather storm approaching for tonight’s forecast.  I walk the long trail from the employee parking lot, enjoy drinking my coffee and arrive as usual 30 minutes before my shift if to start, I relax and take in the atmosphere, with an occasional twitter update.  The time arrives for me to clock in and start my day with all good intentions of having a good day.  Less than 5 minutes into my shift, it happened…I completely lost control of myself and I quickly became the person I dislike the most in my life.  I immediately allowed the actions and simple presence of others to unleash this person inside me that is not pleasant or nice, often critical and condescending.  It brings me so much pain and shame to admit these horrible traits that live within me.  I am in no way bragging about this, but I wanted to share my story in hopes that it might help others who might be suffering as I am.  I have heard it said that being and living as a Christian is not an easy road or journey to travel, but I know it leads to so much more than our minds can even begin to comprehend, I believe in God and I want to follow His leading, I am sinful and although it hurts me when I recognize my sin it brings so much more pain to my Heavenly Father, who cannot even look upon me because of my sinfulness.  It is only through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the Son of God that I am afforded a relationship with my Creator. I am no way trying to blame my erratic behavior simply on human sinful nature; I am taking the responsibility seriously that I am to always be alert and aware of my actions and the Bible supports this in Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV) The Armor of God, Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.  Now with that being said, I am reminded that I must and (we) must physically prepare ourselves daily to meet the demands of the day and be ready to face all manner of temptations and distractions that will draw out of us our sinfulness, our humanness.  A lesson I learned today is reading devotionals and reading God’s word are tools we need to rediscover every single day, but not merely to read the words, but to live them and give them life.  Jesus was sent to us over 2000 years ago, he was subjected to the same temptations you and I face daily, He lived a perfect sinless life, gave Himself as a sacrifice for all mankind, a ransom for our sins, He died a horrible death and He defeated death through His resurrections so that you and I can have a relationship with God, Jesus is our bridge to God and the Holy Spirit is a gift to us, we are never alone God is always with us.  Hebrews 9:14 (NIV) How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Mark 10:45 (NIV) For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.  Lastly, I want to share Psalms 51 with you, it may have been David’s prayer after sinning with Bathsheba but it is also mine and can be yours as well.  God loves you and he loves me, do not be stubborn in asking for forgiveness and daily put on the armor of God. 

~Blessings and Peace~

Psalm 51 (NIV)

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. ² Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. ⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. ⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. ⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. ⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. ⁹ Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. ¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. ¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. ¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. ¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. ¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Today’s message at my church was, “Peace.”  It was a message I needed to hear and to be reminded that “I” was created uniquely by God.  Try as I may, I will not and cannot become someone else, or even what others may want me to become.  This is because at the end the day, the reflection in the mirror is me!  During the past year I have sincerely tried to manage my personal time more constructively, starting with internal things like my mind, body and soul.  Some changes are subtle while others are much more obvious, I decided to limit my distractions in my home, I sold my 42″ TV because it was consuming too much of my time.  I am in no way saying TV is bad and everyone should give it up!  I still view lots of TV, mostly news as it relates directly to my job.  I merely wanted to de-clutter my personal life.  I also challenged myself to read more books with a goal of at least 1 book per month, I am happy to say I have met that goal with 20 books so far in 2013.  I also started this blog with the encouragement of friends, what a blessing!  I would like to tell you I had a well-defined plan, but I don’t.  I can tell you that when I decided look at my life with its conflicts, disappointments, sadness and emptiness and starting seeking God things started looking brighter.  Doors, I did not even know existed were suddenly opening.  I have found a church to call “home,” a congregation that values individuals not a person’s public prestige and bank accounts, I matter because I am a child of God and I seek to spread and share the love of Jesus Christ with my neighbors, my community and the world.  As I have been looking at my life over the past few years compared to where I am now, it could be easy to regret the choices I have made and sulk about them,  but I am choosing to thank God for all the things I have experienced because they have molded me into the person I am today.  I can say with complete honesty and assurance that I know the feelings of true love, by experiencing the sting and sorrow of losing true love.  I can also say that I truly appreciate and understand the love and sacrifice of parents, and this because of losing a parent.  No matter my age or my life circumstances, I will always be a child wanting the love and approval of my parents.  It really is true that the appreciation of something is not completely known until it is lost.  I wrote “Seasons” over a decade ago, some of the words have changed slightly but the true initial meaning is intact, the reasons I wrote have also changed but it continues to hold sweet memories for me.        

Seasons

The rushes of adrenalin, causing the rapid pounding, will the pressure be contained?   The theory of spontaneous combustion, results of cause and effect, does the end serve the means? January will always follow December, winter will always precede spring, life starts; the end is the beginning.   Action reaps reactions, for every yes, there will be a no or maybe, the skies that hold stars will also have clouds.  Renewal can only be gained after the rain, growth is enhanced by the sun, and sounds of nature will deliver peace.   Endure the rain!   Appreciate the sun!   Accept the nature! 

I had started this out with the intention of sharing my thoughts about “peace” and I quickly got off topic.   What do you think of when you hear the word, “peace?”  I think our answers have a lot to do with who we are and where we have in our life.  If you served in the military, peace might be the resolution to a conflict or war?  If you are a teacher it is a higher state of “quiet time!”  Even songs from country to pop have lyrics talking about peace.  I have been a Christian all my adult life, accepting Christ as my Savior as a teenager.  Peace for me has held different meanings based entirely upon my level of understanding, maturity and circumstances.  During the Christmas season I imagine peace in the stillness of Jesus born in a manger, I can feel the crisp night air and the sounds of animals and the breathing of a newborn baby, I can see peace in Mary’s eyes as she counts fingers and toes and touches Jesus’ soft wrinkly skin.  And, Joseph standing there was proud and honored to be with Mary and the newborn baby. 

I have never experienced war or loss associated with military actions and I am not going to try to explain it either because I could not and would not do it justice.  Peace or peaceful resolutions to war and conflicts cause celebrations for all parties as they brave new fronts for change. 

Another form of peace I have experienced is the calmness after an intense sporting event, medical emergency, natural disasters, emotional distress, or extreme celebration when everything becomes still and quiet…peace settles in. 

Today, I gained insight to a new level of peace that I had never recognized before, peace as a human trait.  I have had three distinct people in my life that shared and communicated peace simply by being who they were, godly and blessed by God.  People who express peace touch lives in very pronounced ways, I know that I am a stronger woman, a more faithful friend and truer to myself because those three individuals cared for me enough to first always speak truth to me, shared their faith with me and were are focused on me as a person, friend, colleague and companion.  The three words…Peace…Acceptance…Growth describe 2013 for me, this is just the beginning! 

~Blessings and Peace~

John 14:27 (NIV) “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” 

This was my devotional today and it is just what I needed to hear. First and foremost, I thank God for His unconditional love, for the forgiveness of sins and for never giving up on me! I experienced an emotional moment as I began my work day. I was overcome with feelings of chaos, at the time I could not really put words together to describe what I was experiencing.  After, reaching out to a friend and seeking prayer I was able to recognize my issue.  I am not in control of the universe!!  For a moment I felt like I was caught in a cartoon from my youth, “Pinky and the Brain!” LOL.  You see, I share an office with 10 other people and today was my Monday, add 108 new emails to the mix and somehow, I gave myself the authority to be controlling over a situation I was not even present for, shame on me! After feeling quite foolish, I apologized for my quick temper and judgments, I work with a great group of individuals who have helped me see the errors of my ways more than once. I have no excuses to offer, only thanks for the opportunity to improve.  Lesson learned, breathe…allow myself to breathe in God’s goodness and to exhale the stress and sadness.  I am truly blessed with God’s amazing love and two very dear friends that care enough to be truthful with me while supporting me at the same time.

~Blessings and Peace~

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.” ~Anonymous

Living an extraordinary life truly is a choice. You and I CAN choose how to react, we CAN choose our attitude, and we CAN choose that positive attitude that sparks incredible results. The question is “Do we BELIEVE we can?” Our Creator has given us the will to choose. How exciting to know such possibilities are before us. Choose the best for yourself and others. Treat your challenges tomorrow with a positive frame of mind and watch the possibilities begin.

Reference:

http://jctrois.com/dailyinspiration/quotes/100104

Esther’s Circle is a wonderful group of Christian women that I have the honor of meeting with on a regular basis to share yummy treats at one another’s homes and share the love of Jesus Christ and when time allows, discuss the book we are currently reading.  It is difficult to describe the joy I receive when we are together, it’s like going home…that familiar feeling that you belong, in many ways our lives are distinctively different but we are united in our hearts.  This group is a blessing, an answered prayer and a gift all wrapped up in one!  I have been searching and looking for “something” and God has been leading me to these women and my church to fill the void that has been in my life for many years.  I have tried to fill the void with so many things, nothing seemed to fit, I was trying to put circles into squares…that doesn’t work out so well.  My life is so full, I am overflowing with the goodness of God.  Psalms 23 (NIV)” The Lord if my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He refreshes my soul.  He guides me along the right paths for His names’ sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  I am so thankful that God never gave up on me, I am truly blessed.  This brings me to the book Esther’s Circle is reading, Love Does by Bob Goff.  We just finished a discussion about chapters 13, I would recommend the book and although some of the stories seem unbelievable, God can do the unbelievable so here we go…. In the 13th chapter Bob starts off talking about a game I have never heard of but I trust my friends when they told me it was a real game.  The game is called “Bigger and Better,” the idea is to start out with a relatively small item and the person goes from house to house or person to person asking them if they would trade the item you have for something they have,  this process continues until you have found the ultimate “thing!”  The story starts out with a dime and ends with a truck.  Okay, here’s question one from the study guide, “Bob draws a connection between the dime in the Bigger and Better game and our pride and self-preservation.  What’s an example of a dime you’re holding on to rather than trading up?”  Wow, that’s a big question!  Actually, it’s an easy one for me, FEAR…although I am learning to step forward in faith, I still have a lot of fear.  Fear that who and what I am is not enough, not enough to stand alone and speak truth, to simply be 100% transparent.  That is my pride and self-preservation.  I want to add, with my friends, family and church community I am trying to be authentic, the person God created me to be and to live into the purpose He has for me.  I have just answered the second question, “What specially keeps you holding on to that dime in your life?”  The third question, “What’s the difference between sacrificing something for God and trading up for Him?”  Trading up (for me) means getting something else, not necessarily better and possibly not bigger, only different. Sacrificing is surrendering something, as a Christian I surrender myself to Jesus Christ and that I am not able to save myself, only through the Grace,  Mercy and Unconditional love of God through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus are we able to have a personal relationship with God and the opportunity to spend eternity of Heaven.  While, I may say I am sacrificing things, I am human and I will continue to sin as we all are sinful in nature; however, I do challenge myself to be less selfish, to train my actions and reactions to be more loving, more accepting and less judgmental.  Okay, funny story, kind of…I like to play solitaire on my smart phone, if I miss a play I force myself to start a new game, I feel like I’m cheating if I “undo” a play and if I were to win the game it would not mean as much to me because I know that my score could have been better if I had not cheated.  Correcting or at least paying attention to this small act, teaches me good values that will benefit me when I am faced with greater issues in my life.  Another, silly thing I do is, I like to start my day with devotions Monday-Saturday and if for some reason, I am hurried and leave home without doing it, I used to just double up the next day…but I don’t do that anymore, if I miss a day, I will make myself go back to whatever day of the week it was I missed, I believe that I can learn something new that I didn’t get the week before.  I trust God to speak to me and I try to be the person He created me to be.  As Christians, daily we strive to sacrifice/surrender our sinful actions and although we may succeed in many ways, we cannot be perfect and sinless, we need God’s forgiveness and a desire to be sinless.  It is difficult to understand God’s unconditional love because we are surrounded by everything “conditional” in this world.  Trust in God, He will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)”Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  I am grateful for having you read my blog entry today and I want to share one of my favorite verses with you, John 14:27 (NIV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” ~Blessings and Peace~