Hours turn into days
Thoughts quickly fade to a haze
Food becomes comfort
Movements become less
Thoughts are sporadically up and down
Emotions flickering from hope to helpless
Knowing full well hope and help exist
Seeing the path needed but feeling powerless to pursue it
Wanting to be alone but comforted too
Feeling and sensing that this was coming for several days
As one who watches and anticipates devastating weather events
No matter the planning everyone knows the inevitable will happen
Depression slowly seeps into the cracks and crevices of the human existence
The harder one fights
The deeper one gets tangled in the desperate clutches of depressions hold
Much like someone being stuck in quicksand
The harder one fights to get out
The faster one sinks into its bottomless pit
One does not choose depression
Depression chooses and seeks out to destroy and devour individuals
All with no visible or invisible signs remorse
Recognizing the signs of depression creeping into ones existence
This is the best defense in taking its powers
Create alternative ways to divert and lessen depressions grip
Just because depression can happen
Doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for its arrival.

You might just surprise yourself with your abilities to be proactive and no solely reactive. Having a plan to reduce depression’s effects on you will take the power from depression and place it in your hands.
Continue to challenge yourself and learning about who you are, you are worthy, you valuable and most of all you are loved. God specifically and uniquely created you for a purpose and He promises to always be with you.
YOU MATTER! YOU ARE LOVED!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Crisis Services | 24-Hour Help Hotline – Crisis Call Center
http://www.crisiscallcenter.org

Hotlines – Teen Health and Wellness
http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines

~Blessings and Peace~

 

Do you ever have days where you just feel like you need more love in your life? I’m not talking “love” in the sense of romantic love. I mean love as it relates to the validation of your personhood, reinforcement that you contribute to the world in positive ways, recognition that you matter in small ways and big ways, or just to receive blessings by way of smiles from strangers, hugs from friends, and praise for being the person you are and being exceptional at being you! Most of us would agree there’s nothing wrong with receiving validation, reinforcement and blessings. The problem can sometimes come from seeking validation, reinforcement and recognition/blessings. I would venture to say a significant number of people reading this will be able to identify with the needs and desires for validation from people in our lives such as our family, friends, co-workers, church community, bosses, mailman/women, our favorite restaurants servers, postal carrier, supervisors…the list can be these things and/or many others. My point is when we rely on others to make us feel better about ourselves, we will always be disappointed. I have struggled with this issue on and off for as long as I can remember. I absolutely know that I matter, that I have a purpose, that there’s a plan for my life through Christ Jesus, but…really, there should never be a “but” following truth and trust in Jesus Christ. So why do some of us go into this self-destruct mode? Recently, I have been seeing lots of pictures and photos on Twitter that remind me, I am a child of God and He wants to love me as a parent loves and cares for their children. God also wants us to trust Him and to take the time and patience to love ourselves. I hope these words and photos provide you with encouragement and confidence to love yourself but most importantly that God loves you. I know this can be a difficult task to accomplish but you can do this, you are so WORTH it!

~Blessings and Peace~

I heard this song today and even though I’ve heard it several times, today thoughts of my mom flooded my mind when I heard it playing on the radio. Although the song is about the great love that God has for each of us, it also brought to mind the great love my parents have for me, my brother and our extended families. I have been extremely blessed in that I can remember my great-grandparents, and had my grandparents in my life many years into adulthood. Today, marks three years since my mom left this conditional world. I still miss her every day and although she’s no longer here physically, I still tell her I love her, visit her grave site and take small gifts…she lives in my heart and will always be my mom. My mom would not want me to continue struggling with her passing, she was a no-nonsense woman! I could not sleep tonight, my mind kept thinking of 3:22am, June 22…that’s when I got the call…I’m not sure what I expected would happen at 3:22, but I can tell you what I did at 3:22…I paused and let happy memories of her dance in my thoughts, eyes closed and thanked God for giving me the most amazing mom I could ever have ask for. It still hurts sometimes because girls just need their moms sometimes, no matter how old we get, moms can give provide just the right amount of love to heal most any crisis that comes along. Today I am going to concentrate on the happy moments we had together…her life should be celebrated and not simply to be mourned. This process of celebration won’t be easy but like the old saying goes…most things worthwhile are almost never easy. I would like to pass along a bit of knowledge I’ve been able to grasp during these past three years…do not run from your grief. The grieving process is different for everyone, at least the order of each stage of grief can be. I encourage you to explore the stages of grief, if and when you must face its challenges. I know that I’ve grown and matured in ways I never could have imagined because of the unimaginable loss of my mom. I give God the glory for lessons learned. My prayer for you is that God blesses you in a very special way today and that by sharing my grief story someone else is able to identify with it and accept that God is in control, He loves you and wants nothing but the best for you.

The Day

The day I never wanted to come
That day has come and gone
The imagined loss and emptiness
Those feelings has settled in
A void that cannot be filled
How does one grieve such a loss
Not with time, family or friends
Such a loss with open wounds
Wounds that are felt more than seen
Pain that blocks all healing
Mourning that feels no relief
Just one more hug or embrace
One more I love you
No one can ease the pains of life
Nothing like a mothers love
Mom, I miss you
I miss you everyday.

C.A.Robinson
~July 28, 2012
@ 10:26pm

~Blessings and Peace~

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This little guy is so darn cute, (it’s a Black Crake) my initial thought was his feet are awfully big for his body. Then almost immediately I thought what a great analogy of having a strong and firm foundation in Christ Jesus. The impression that this little guys feet are shouting…I will stand firm, no matter what comes my way. As a Christian, this photo tells me, the more grounded I am in the teachings of Christ Jesus and allow myself to be immersed in a faith community I can also say…”I will stand firm in the days of trials and temptations” my adaptation of Ephesians 6:11. My hope is you can relate to my interpretation of a seemingly, generic photo of a cute bird; to the wonders of God’s boundless love, grace and mercy for all His creation.

Ephesians 6:11(NLT) “Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.

~Blessings and Peace~

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_crake

I was pondering the other day, a habit I do a lot, my friends would say. I was in my car, driving along listening to the radio and all of a sudden I realized life is simply the act of living. Now I know your probably saying to yourself, duh! To that I reply, I agree…touchè! At some point in life some of us complicate life and develop attitudes of entitlement. Whether or not one believes in an afterlife, I think a majority of people would agree that what you put into life you will get out of life, meaning one must work in order to have the things one wants and needs. I feel very fortunate to be called part of the “Baby Boomers” I have experienced life at a time when technology was scarcely available to being inundated with technology that allows and promotes instantaneous results and gratification. I remember our family was the only house on the block that had a home telephone, and it was called a party-line. This is definitely “old school” and maybe something you’ve never heard of! A party line is a local loop telephone circuit that is shared by multiple telephone service subscribers. So not only were there only a few telephones available, those lines were shared lines and if someone had an emergency the caller would have to ask others to hang up so you could make a call! Hilarious to think about compared to now, practically everyone has a personal cell phone with capabilities far beyond just making phone calls. The point I’m trying to make is this, today I have my phone with me 24/7/365 and I still get frustrated and impatient which is utterly ridiculous because as a kid and even a young adult if I needed to make a call, I either waited until I got home or to a pay phone. There’s so many examples I could point out showing how we, as a nation and the world in general have grown and prospered but I think you probably get a sense of what I’m talking about. Getting back to my moment of pondering, as a Christian I was reminded that no where in the Bible does God promise or describe life as being easy, carefree, or perfect. In fact, I will go onto say that life isn’t about “our” comfort; it’s about being in places and circumstances where growth has the opportunities to take place. Often I have found that during the most difficult and stressful events in my life, God teaches me lessons that have had profound effects on my life and more importantly my relationship with God. On more than one occasion I have heard it said that we are called to be God’s hands and feet and to share the His love with everyone. As a Christian I have learned and accepted the truth and reality that life is not fair, more importantly God does not place us in harm’s way, we are not dispensable pawns in a game used for mere enjoyment or entertainment, we are God’s creation each uniquely different from one another. The most profound thing I’ve learned is this…”Life is not about what (we) think we can do or what (we) think our limitations might be; it’s about what God “knows” we are capable of doing and being. God’s plans are far beyond what even our wildest dreams could imagine.” Isaiah 64:8 “Yet, you Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

~Blessings and Peace~

The Compassion of Jesus

(Matthew 9:35-38) (NKJV)

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore, pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_line_%28telephony%29

Today, I’ve sort of barricaded my self within the confines of my home. I am surrounded with luxuries many don’t have such as running water, food, clothing, shelter, electricity, books and paper…I share this not to brag but to thank God for His abundant blessings. I am not worthy of any of these things, only by the grace of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Today I find myself neither having feelings of encouragement or discouragement. I am not satisfied nor unsatisfied just laying in bed, this is my safe zone. My protected area I can be and know that I’m surrounded with love, memories of family and friends and most significantly my God. This room is where I discover dreams and care for and allow my dreams space to grow in this my safe place. My bedroom/study area is the single most solitude place in my home. My home and most especially my bed are practically virgin(ness) once again. But I am not trying to dwell upon those things. Sleeping and resting are having an unusual effect upon me during the past few days perhaps a week, I often wake not refreshed but drained and exhausted. I know that I am experiencing a deeper level of sleep referred to as REM sleep, as I often dream and upon waking I try to remember as much as I can about my dreams. Most of my dreams frighten me and cause physical expressions such as screaming, thrashing the sheets and blankets and occasionally yelling out for help for specific people. Sometimes I’m afraid of my dreams and I keep them locked up inside, shoving them down as far as I can possibly push them. My small piece of the world seems to draw closer and closer day by day. My fears of people and things this earth can do to me are far more pleasant than what God can do to me. I’ve dreamed of Heaven since I was a child, I remember those stories and visions of streets paved in gold, with pure, crisp refreshing water flowing in streams for all to drink, resting on fluffy white clouds and the endless celebration of God’s final victory over sin and darkness. That’s where I want to be, I do not want to miss out because of my puffed up ego, my pride or my self-righteous indignation. I am not asking for the frontline, I only want to be called good and faithful servant. God, I am yours use me for your glory not mine, I know I have taken credit for things that were yours alone, forgive me, mend me complete me again. You gave me the gift of “empathy” and through your power and love I have been able to show others grief and loss as temporary, temporary in the sense that we learn to live with loss and find useful means for it in our daily lives. When I lost my mother I was 47 years old, age means absolutely nothing when you lose a parent. All I knew for sure was I would never again feel her embrace when I was sick or hurt, celebrating or mourning. I would never see the determination in her eyes and the hear the joy from her laughter. Today, sitting in my protected space at home, her voice is so far away even my memory has difficulty recalling it. It makes no difference to me what she meant to others because for all the many wonderful things she was, the best of all is, she’s my mom. I love her so much, I miss her so very much. And as I fight back the tears, I can faintly hear her say, “no tears please…I love you, this is your mother speaking….”

I Love You, Jesus
I Love You, Mom

~Blessings and Peace~

James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

The quiet and stillness of the night, so serene and solemn. The darkness of night that once fed my fears now offers a peaceful place for contemplation. In the distance, I hear birds chirping as if a celebration is taking place, a party in which I was not invited. I listen while nestled in bed covered by the shadows of the night. The darkness holds secrets laced with fear, intimidation and shame. I have experiences I wish I could forget and others I wish I could recall. I need to let go of the troubling ones but I continue to hold onto them keeping them locked in time and tucked tightly away within the framework of my very being. I used to recall these troubling memories and moments, replaying them over and over in my mind so that I would never forget them. The power of ones mind is unimaginable at times, some of my experiences have faded over time and their sounds seem like distant echoes in my mind. Recently, new fear has taken me by surprise, oh how I ache for my mother’s voice filled with confidence, independence, comfort, all with a commanding presence. My mom is not just my mom, like so many other moms. She was my teacher, my first role model, but most of all she was my friend. She was my beginning, she carried me, gave birth to me, raised me, and we will forever be a tapestry of all things beautiful, something uniquely shared by mothers and daughters. She is woven into the very fabric of my life, with every breath I take she is a part of me. I have things in my life that are fragile parts and pieces that are entirely too painful for words; however, I know full well by not allowing my spirit to speak its truths and give my soul the opportunity to heal, I am allowing and giving permission for “fear” to live and grow inside of me. The shame, regrets and faults must be expelled, its rich environment must be eradicated and exposed for the fraud and the lies it contains. Memories will linger for a season, maybe two but the hold they once had will slowly but surely fade because truth has conquered fear. No more living in the shadows, step into the light and be you, beautiful you! The wonderful person God created you to be!

Celebrate your life, you were not a mistake or accident, God had you in His plans from before the beginning of time as we know it.

~Blessings and Peace~

Nothing and no one can replace or fill your shoes, “mom!” My heart still aches and misses you beyond anything I could ever imagine. You loved me so unconditionally, you supported me in everything I attempted to do. You gave so much of yourself with no expectations of a return. I miss you so much mom, I miss your voice, the funny faces you made when you knew I was up to something. I want your strength, your integrity, your dedication to family, your selflessness, but most of all I want you, I MISS YOU!

Everywhere I go, glimpses of you and them flood my thoughts. I know you think I’m cold, deceptive and secretive but I’m not. I try every day to be an honest, loving person who tries to do good. I want to help others not hurt them. It’s true what they say, every time you give a piece of your heart away there’s always the risk of losing it. I’ve tried to be a good friend, partner, lover, companion…I’m struggling to find meaning and reason to the “why” things don’t work out; as well as trying to accept that they may never have meaning or reason. Letting go is so much harder than hanging on. I’m good at hanging on, wishing and hoping things might change but they don’t ever seem to.

~Blessing and Peace~

What is a Peacemaker?
Reflections after reading Matthew 5:9
By Charlotte Robinson
For Lenten Prayers from the Heart

“Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9 (NKJV)

Peacemaker, what does that even mean?
Being a negotiator?
Never experience conflict?
Emotions kept in check?
Everything and everybody stays in neutral? …

I don’t believe any of those characteristics listed are what Jesus was talking about or instructing us to be. Peacemaker, to me, means someone who can see all sides of a particular issue, seeing the “BIG” picture. It’s someone who has no agenda or loyalties to choose one side or the other. Being a peacemaker means seeing the good in everyone and exploiting that goodness. It’s facilitating all the good and downplaying the “not so good.” The challenge that keeps “peace” at bay is our inability to fix or change our differences, biases and conflicts. But what if we accept those things we differ on, and seek to find the things we can agree upon? After all, we ALL have purpose and value. Peacemakers are noble and valiant, and they are the children of God!

~Blessings and Peace~

 

Recently, I experienced an “Aha” moment. I found myself sharing moments about my life experiences not because I needed to but also not really because of a deep seeded desire to. There was no gain or loss motive to share, it was just sharing. It was a liberating realization that I have value and purpose not because of who I am or what I did or what I might do. Nope, my value is that God created me, He has plans for me and I have purpose. My “Aha” moment also revealed to me that I do not need to prove myself worthy to have friends or friendships, the epiphany that came to me was true friends don’t come with a price tag or warning label. My “Aha” moment gave me a very clear and concise message that I do not have to convince anyone to be my friend and neither do you! The cornerstones for the foundation of friendship include: honesty, trust, love and forgiveness. Face it, there’s not one single person who is great at all of these nor able to master all at the same time. For me, that’s where forgiveness comes in, unless you are just plain rude and cruel, no one sets out to hurt another person especially if you have a bond of friendship. This might be how “Murphy’s Law” comes into play…”Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Life is about learning, changing and growing. We all stumble along the way, not only do we deserve to forgive ourselves we absolutely need to forgive others, otherwise it hangs around and clutter up our lives and keeps us from growing and moving forward. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, it’s about freeing yourself of its burden. It’s giving friendship and love a fighting chance. Life truly is too short to be looking backwards all the time, hold onto the things that fill you and feed you, sometimes we have to let go of things and people in order to grow and heal, such things are difficult and should not be forgotten, always being thankful for the experience. I love this saying, “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same” by Flavia Weedn.

~Peace and Blessings~