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But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then even if you are exiled to the ends of the earth, I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored.” (NLT) ( Nehemiah 1:9 ) Even if you have done wrong, God will always forgive you, take you back and welcome you with open arms. Is there something shameful in your past you’ve been carrying around? God can turn your circumstances around and use them to bring honor and glory to His name. Take a step towards returning to God, spend a moment in your Bible reading about God. Download this app to get your daily devotions:http://jctrois.com

I am reminded of the darkness that covered my afternoon with negativity and dishonor, as I sit here typing letters to this page, forming words to describe the feelings I have pinned up in my head, my very soul is agitated, feelings are bouncing around in my head, is that supposed to happen? I’m angry but failing to understand why?  When this day started I was focused and driven, by mid-afternoon I became a woman possessed…loud, negative and condescending, it was as if I lost total control of who I am.  I did not recognize the person I became, a  stranger in my body acting absurd and foolish.  I believe I actual had a temper tantrum, seriously at my age.  Could this anger come from being afraid? I’ve  never been good at asking for help, always thinking someone will figure me out  and just know what to do for me.  Less accountability on myself…I’ve never  been a mom but my mom could tell by the sound of my voice or simply my actions  to know something was up…I miss my mom.  I try to get what I need from my  friends, but when they fail to recognize my needs, I implode like an old forgotten casino in Vegas, giving way to new neon lights…I melt like ice cream  in late July!  As if its someone else’s responsibility to magically know what I  need! Oh God, I’m broken and I need help, help me find my missing pieces.  Teach  me to ask for what I need, show me the difference between making a request and  begging & being burdensome, teach me how to accept the truth.  I stand in  shame of my actions, wishing I could take it all back but what is done, is done.   Such finality of it all! Oh God of mercy I am utterly ashamed of my words and actions and though I am not worthy of your forgiveness, I seek your mercy and  grace to be upon me as I close out this day and may I be reminded of your  steadfast and unconditional love for me and that I will see others through eyes  of mercy and grace even in my humanness, to God be the glory forever and ever!   Amen.

Psalms 92  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2092&version=NKJV

Psalm 136  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+136&version=NIV

My very being is restless tonight, my mind is rapidly trying to form some sense of order to the thoughts that are invading all corners of my soul. Have you ever wondered, seriously wondered why we have such a vast variety of everything. There always seems to be one thing or the other thing, right or left, front or back, first or last, right or wrong…I think you get my idea. Then to take that information further, why do we choose one over the other, often times its more than two things to choose from, but the bottom line is we all choose. One could argue, it’s been this way since the beginning of time, more narrowly in Christianity it is thought it started with Adam and Eve, they chose, not wisely but that’s not the issue in this conversation only the choice part. God created mankind to glorify God and created each individual person with a purpose. My belief is that in creating us as individuals, using our specific purposes we can support one another in building strong Christian communities that glorify God. I’m fearful that in our individualism we forget our creator and we begin to splinter off and decide to create our own purposes for our own glory forgetting God and that without God, nothingness is all that would exist. When we take God out of creation and boast about ourselves and what we can do, things can look pretty successful from our own point of view but soon our egos outgrow the space we occupy and sooner or later it all blows up and we are seen for the frauds that we truly are. As humans, we have all contributed to the messes we have in the world. God never intended for nations and countries to be constantly at war, never agreeing upon anything, always accusing…how quickly we forget why we are even here and alive, to glorify God and to live into the purpose of why we were created.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

My restlessness comes from disenchantment with believers with boundaries for loving. Love has no boundaries, it is a gift from God Most High, who are we to decide who can be loved and who cannot? Am I more lovable as a Republican or as a Democrat, man or woman, black or white, blue-collar worker or white-collar worker, American or Chinese, short or tall, rich or poor…the list goes on and on, the point I am trying to make is God never used anything to distinguish who is loved…ALL are loved, no one better or worse than another, we are all born sinful and the way to be changed is through the belief and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and that only through His life, death and resurrection we are made anew. Amen!

Jesus says in Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? .

What The World Needs Now Is Love, Sweet Love.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAo73QtDzdQ

My Purpose Statement and Life Verse:

To love and respect all, to receive and promote the unconditional love of GOD.   “Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9

Yesterday was the last formal gathering for the workshop I have been attending for the past four weeks, I found it to be a rather bittersweet event.  My knowledge gained from this learning experience has by far exceeded my expectations.  My goal was to come away with clarity, through the direction and guidance of our facilitator and interactions with members of the group I now have that clarity with a clear understanding of my spiritual gifts as well as how they are manifested through me.  I have been able to make purpose statement using the gifts that God is using through me, (giving, intercession and mercy).  I am so thankful for the gifts that I have received and I receive great joy in sharing them.  The others that I have had the privilege of sharing this journey of seeking and finding our unique purposes has strengthened me in regards to my own faith and I was able to see and feel the energy of each individual in the group through the stories they shared.  I felt the very presence of God and His Spirit in the room as some shared deeply personal accounts that have occurred within their lives.  God is truly alive and is making a difference in this world through people of faith while using their specific spiritual gifts.  What I encountered while listening and sharing was true community and connectedness that fills a void in my life.  There was a strong interest from all who attending last night to continue on this journey, from “Pursuing Our Purpose,” to “Finding/Identifying Our Purpose” to “What’s Next.”  For me, the “what’s next is “Living Into My Purpose.”  Life is a journey and I am excited to continue, I can see now that I have been fearful of the future for quite sometime and no power on this earth can stop the momentum of moving forward.  If we choose to stop or even slow down, the effects are only felt within ourselves.  I have been holding onto the past because I was happy then, not wanting to be hurt by the unknown.  God created each of us unique and individual for His glory and with a unique purpose, how awesome it that?  I don’t want to be afraid or live in fear any longer.

Some who read this may be thinking they do not have any gifts to offer but believe me when I say, ” YOU DO!”  They are already in you and most likely you are already using and sharing them daily.  Read the verses below and know you are a gift and God has blessed you uniquely and He wants to help you use the gifts you were created for.  Feel free to contact me if you have questions, I may not have the answers but I can help you search.  Blessings to YOU!

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.   My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  Psalm 139:13-16

Yesterday’s Scripture reading at church was Luke 13:10-17 and Jeremiah 1:4-10

With regards to the scriptures used in yesterday’s sermon, I did a lot of reading and I am discovering there is so much I want to learn and to write about that it is starting it overwhelming me, but in a good way. I believe this feeling is in part due to not connecting and attending church services for the past two weeks, there is a power in community that can not be reached or felt outside of the community gatherings of Sunday morning church services. Sundays for me is more than coffee and salutations and hearing a sermons of the rights and wrongs of Christian life…it is an opportunity to re-energize and supply myself with spiritual provisions to meet the obstacles that life will set before me in the coming week. It’s a chance to fill my emotion tank with hugs and smiles as I face a week of uncertainties. It’s an opportunity to participate in a meal with my brothers and sisters in Christ and to physically take communion and realign my spiritual barometer towards God and seek forgiveness and guidance to be a living example of God and His love for all mankind. Taking the bread and drinking the wine in remembrance of the selflessness of Jesus because He loves us like no one can and to freely share His unconditional love with us. Communion is the most sacred act for me and I missed participating in it yesterday. What I understand about the scripture reading is the Sabbath is a holy day and we should set aside at least one day for only God, the Sabbath is about God and all that He has done, doing and will do for us, we can become very calloused about the ceremonial things to the point of simply performing the act and completely take the significance of why the act even exists…communion is a good example if you do it because it makes you look holy and everyone else is doing it and if you don’t do it people will question your faith…if any of these things are your reasons for taking communion you have completely missed the message. Communion is a very personal act of reconnecting with God and a time to be honest with ourselves and put our pride aside, for me it is a total surrender of my pridefulness, an opportunity to literally feel God wrapping His love around me and reassuring me that He is in-control, I need this humbling experience to keep me grounded in truth…if God be for us who can be against us!

A second thing I understand about Luke 13:10-17 was Jesus’ act of healing the woman was His compassion for people. He saw her suffering and wanted to relieve her pain. He was not thinking, the laws do not apply to me and performing a miracle of healing is to show His defiance towards the law, His act was directly from His heart which is filled with unending compassion and love. Jesus brought common sense to His followers, He used stories/parables that people could relate to and understand. My thoughts about the reason the teachers and scribes of the synagogues were so troubled at the healing was fear, fear that if people were making decisions based upon common sense and understand the laws in a practical manner they would become insignificant within their community/synagogues. Jesus said that He came to fulfill the law not to destroy the law. So, even though my job requires me to work on Sunday, the Sabbath it can in no way take the significance of the day away from me, it is within me and the Holy Spirit guides me through my day.

The second scripture reading for the sermon yesterday was Jeremiah 1:4-10. My understanding of this scripture is that God chose Jeremiah to deliver His will. Through my reading and studying of the Bible, God uses meek, stubborn and even defiant individuals as instruments to deliver His messages and will. Moses was not outgoing and he stuttered, he begged God to send his brother Aaron but that was not God’s will. Then there’s Jonah…reluctant and defiant but in the end, Jonah did do the will of God. It has been my experience that God continues to use the “Moses’, Jonah’s and Jeremiah’s” of today to spread the Good News just as Jesus shared His ministry with the marginalized of His day. We are all called to share the “Good News!” Listen and seek God’s call for you, for those who follow my blog or just know me, know that I am actively seeking, searching and listening for my call into ministry. I am attending a class titled, Pursuing Your Purpose it is a wonderful journey of discovery and I am eager to share my experiences and knowledge with the world. Starting my blog,  I feel is in part fulfilling my purpose, I am excited to continue my journey and to share my experiences with all who will listen to me and read my blog. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. May the wonderment of God be revealed to you this day!

*http://christianity.about.com/od/biblestorysummaries/a/Jonah-And-The-Whale.htm

*http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/israeljudaea/a/aa091499_2.htm

Daily, we all are faced with choices and most often they are basically one of two things, a need or a want.  One is not more important or more valuable than the other, provided you know the difference.   I have personally been looking at each more intensely over the past few years and what I have figured out is, I have a very limited list. A valuable lesson learned is it is ok to want specific things, the danger comes when we find ourselves wanting things so much that it becomes a distraction and jealously creeps into our hearts and blinds us to the dangerous path we are traveling down.  In regards to needs, what do we really need?  Sometimes, I think we use faith as title or trait of ourselves, when in fact it is really an action word to describe our love and affections for our salvation through Jesus Christ, meaning is our faith increased when we diligently pray and seek God’s will in our lives to provide for our needs or do we sit back and assume our faith is strong merely because we believe in God and He will provide for whatever our needs my be?  Personally, I do believe in God and that He knows my every need and He lovingly wants to provide my every need and my every want, He is just waiting for me to openly and sincerely ask Him.  God is a generous God, He wants to be our provider, our Savior!  It is not sinful to have nice things or to enjoy material possessions, they are only sinful when they take and distract us from the reason we have them.  Never forgot to thank God daily for your blessing. Keep yourself humble to others and share your gifts.  I have two favorite prayers that humble me each time I hear them, I pray they touch you as deeply as they do for me

“Oh God all that we are and all that we have is a gift from you, take our gifts multiply them and transform your world, Amen!”

“Oh God help us to be masters of ourselves, so that we may be the servants to others, take our minds and think through them, take our lips and speak through them, take our hearts and set them on fire, Amen!”

Below is something I had written a few years ago, I am happy to say that my thoughts are clearer today, I still have days where the world feels cruel but I am reminded this world is my temporary home. This conditional world tries to convince us that all we need for happiness is material things, not true…God is the great provider and He knows our hearts and will bless you abundantly!

I don’t need to be in love
I want to be loved
I don’t want to give care
I want to feel care

My faith is weak
My anger is strong
I want to run
I need to be held

I want to let go
I’m all tied up
I want to scream
I’m too scared

I want to cry
I need to cry
I curb my wants
I deny my needs

God wants in
I push God away
I blame, I question
Silence is all I have…

~C.A.Robinson
10/25/2011
12:36am

Yesterday was such a long day, it was the same amount of hours of all the previous days but somehow it felt different.  There was a heaviness in the air and often felt like life was playing out in slow motion.  I have plenty to be thankful for in my life, I wasn’t wanting for anything  in particular but I was feeling drained, and needing something but what?  God continues to bless me beyond any expectations and definitely not deserving, but I am truly thankful for the countless blessings I have received.  Lately I have been thinking that I’m getting a second chance at become the person I was created to be.  As a kid, like all kids I had dreams of what I thought I wanted to be…professional softball player, that was a long time ago and to be honest I’m not even sure there was such a thing.  It was the one thing I was completely confident about in my life.  My parents were so supportive, allowing me to play for several different teams at one time and they drove me all over the state if Indiana to play softball, it was a lot of fun!  I would have to say that I experienced pure joy all those summers ago playing a silly game.  It is good to have something that can fill your life with pure joy, recently I have been getting that feeling of pure joy, through my increased participation with my church and spending time with friends, having conversations about life, the Bible and searching for purpose, my purpose to be more direct.  Relationships within a church can be whatever you need it to be, for example you can mentor others, be someones big brother or sister, formulate study groups, form social gatherings, befriend someone in need…you get the idea. We are all God’s children and we are commanded to love one another as we love ourselves, this is also to forgive ourselves for the wrong things we’ve done, when we sincerely pray for forgiveness, we need to let it go and learn and grow from the experience.  I have been extending myself to help with several little projects because I’m learning I need the contact with others to feed me socially, academically, emotionally and most importantly biblically. I have questions, I have comments and I just want to share my faith with others.  As I continue on my journey I hope you will seek out your joy and then pursue it.

To love others, respect others and to promote and receive the unconditional love of God.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ~The Message

I have been attending a class for the past few weeks called, “Pursuing Your Unique Purpose,” there’s a group of 14 of us, all actively searching and finding our “uniqueness.”  Preparing for class tonight I looked at my life and the things I do on a daily basis and then reviewed my spiritual gifts, at first I was trying to squeeze my gifts into my life but when I looked at all the things I do and  I saw my gifts more clearly and in a very real way.  I do love people and I find it very easy to smile because I am truly happy and immensely blessed on a daily basis.  We all have our routines and people we meet daily but what about the random people we walk past as if they are invisible?  You could be the difference in their life just by smiling or saying hello and maybe not but is that something you can live with?  I am not saying I follow this every single day, sometimes I am on the receiving end and I am thankful that someone cared enough to smile and say hello and on occasion someone will ask how I am…and wait for my response.  How great is that!

If you have never completed a spiritual assessment, I encourage you to do so, not for the benefit of others but simply for yourself.  I am sure you will find gifts that will solidify  your knowledge of the things that bring you pure joy.  I discovered my gifts are giving, intercession and mercy.  After digging into each I found that I could relate to giving because it comes so natural to me, it’s like breathing to me, I just do it.  Intercession was a bit more complicated for me but after reviewing its definition and the application I was able to see that my intercession is my involvement and participation in the lives of my friends and family as well as my church community and I earnestly seek to have them in my thoughts and prayers.  I have a clear vision of what Paul meant when he wrote, I Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, praying without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  We can pray anytime and anywhere, just as we are constantly in conversation with family and friends, that is what God wants with us.  Talk with Him throughout your day, He wants to be a part of everything we do and say.  For me, pray without ceasing is including God in every part of my being.  We are all human and we will sin, disappoint and perhaps even deny Him…His love is sufficient for all and it is completely unconditional.  It can be difficult to understand the unconditional component of God’s love because we live and breathe in a very conditional world.  Remember we are to be in the world not of the world, our future is Heaven and this conditional world will pass away.  John 15:19, “If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own.  Because you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world-therefore the world hates you.”  Now onto my third spiritual gift, mercy.  This one was also not immediately clear to me, but after defining and reading about mercy I found the simplest term is compassion.  caring for others in pain wanting to alleviate it if only through pray and conversation.  Often times people in distress need someone to talk with, someone who will listen and not judge them.  It is an incredible feeling to be able to verbalize and/or express our fears and disappointments, it’s not answers people seek most,  it is the releasing of the things kept locked up inside.  My mission is to continue learning about my gifts and to share them with others.  One last component I have not mentioned is boundaries.  It is important to know where you are foundationally, life has to be reciprocal in that something goes out and something comes in.  It is important to not over-extend ourselves using our gifts, keeping God in the center of our lives is key.  For me, starting my day with God keeps Him close and feeling HIs presence through the Holy Spirit is my comfort.

All that we are and all that we have are from God, thanks be to God. Amen!

I would challenge you to take the spiritual assessment and start exploring your unique gifts.

I have included web-sites below for assessments on the web and reference to the biblical passages mentioned.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5%3A16-18&version=ESV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015:19&version=NRSV

http://archive.elca.org/evangelizingChurch/assessments/spiritgifts.html

http://www.wellfedspirit.org/spirituality_pages/gifts-inventories.html

I spent the evening with a group of women known as “Esther Circle,” individually each has their own uniqueness but as a group we pursue to be “an area of action and influence.”  Ask me how I know this?  I started with the basics, definition of “Esther” is star and the definition of “Circle” is an action or influence.  Yay, this isn’t rocket science!  But my point is being a part of this unique group of women has and continues to influence me as I am pursuing the purpose that God is leading me to do.  I am relatively new to this group and yet they have all received me into their circle and I am truly thankful.  With regards to our influence, we have women of enormous faith and strong moral values and hearts overflowing with love for everyone.  Our group is currently reading and discussing “Love Does,” by Bob Goff.  An interesting book that illustrates the many ways that love works in and through our lives, although some stories are difficult to imagine actually happening but so are some of the many stories we read in the Bible, just because we ourselves have trouble grasping things does not mean they did not really happen.  Let’s take “Daniel and the Lion’s Den,” “David and Goliath,” or what about the “The Fall of Jericho?”  These stories can be difficult but for believers we know it is the power and majesty of God that ALL things are possible and it’s because of LOVE, God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to be sacrificed and sent us the Holy Spirit to guide us.  The difficulty in believing is in our “humanness,” God is the only explanation.  Our ordinariness is what we are before we invite God into our lives and then we are His extraordinary children.   Thank you Esther Circle!

I wanted to share some of my thoughts about chapter 7 & 8 that we discussed tonight.

• Have you experienced God convincing you to love Him back?  How does He do this?
• What makes you stop and stare in amazement?  How might that be God pursuing you?
• How does Jesus’ logic different than our logic, or from the logic of the world?

I can remember not long ago, I spend lots of hours watching TV, not wanting to miss an episode of this or that show, thinking I would no longer be in the “know!”  I was very content in waiting for “life” to come to me, perhaps a bit of a procrastination when it came to growing as opposed to existing.  I had thought I knew what my life would look like at this point in my life and surprise, it’s nothing like my imagination.  It is better, not by my power but through God’s amazing love.  I thought moving forward would hurt too much and that I would always have a void in my life.  I have learned by losing I have more to give and more to experience.  The convincing that God did to me so I could love Him back/again was the lesson that sometimes we have to lose to understand what we have.  In the past 5 years I have experienced losses that I truly never expected or planned for.  The breakup of my partner of almost 10 years and the passing of my mom at an early age of 65 pushed me forward very quickly and I had no choice but to deal with them and make difficult decisions.  Four years after the breakup, I am happily not dating and I still maintain a healthy relationship with my ex and wish her happiness.  As long as I held on to the hurt I could not move forward, God showed me the road to healing and I am very thankful and happy…His convincing me to love Him back!  I still miss my mom everyday after 14 months, I still want to call her, to hear her voice, to have her say one more time, “Charlotte, I love you!” She was such an amazing woman and I learned how to love from her, her strength and stamina was indescribable.  My mom was very straight forward and some did not like that but even the individuals that had issue with her forwardness respected her for her convictions and values.

What amazes me…the difference a smile can do for others; saying “hello and asking how are you?” and really meaning it and having someone linger to hear your response.  Making eye contact with someone, so many people live in shadows and never hear kind words or have questions ask of them.  Every stranger is a friend you just haven’t met.   Matthew 25:42-43 “For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.”  That is a very powerful piece of scripture and yet so simple, Jesus is,  the  people we see day in and day out and they are with us and interact with us every single day.  I am reminded of these verses when I smile at someone I don’t know or say hello and wait for a response, Love Does make a difference no matter the amount given and/or  received.

Logic, Jesus’ logic is pure knowledge that is grounded in an everlasting love for all.  Our logic, selfish in a very real way…it is our humanness and our sinful nature to be consumed about ourselves, but when we invite Jesus into our hearts we see the world differently, more passionately and more forgiving not because of our worthiness but entirely because God loves us and created us for His glory, we are His masterpieces.

I have included some helpful sites below in reference to the Bible passages mentioned.  Thank you for allowing me to share with you and may God’s light shine upon you this very day!  Esther Circle, a special thank you for the love you have shown me!

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+6&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+17&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+5%3A13-6%3A27&version=NIV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+25%3A31-46&version=NIV

Today was my family reunion at Turkey Run State Park.  Our number were low this year compared to previous; however, I did miss last year.  It is relatives from my mom’s side of the family, although all are welcome and we keep expanding with new ones.  There were lots of newborns this year, lots of fun holding, hugging and free baby smells…infants are so incredibly perfect.  We have been doing these yearly reunion for several years, my grandmother initiated them, I believe.  It was hard after grandma passed away but my mom more than filled her shoes! I mentioned missing last years reunion, my mom passed away in June 2012 and it was just too hard to go, plus I did have to work.  I miss my mom every single day and I know that many others are experiencing similar struggles, so I am not saying mine is better or worse…losing a parent is difficult no matter your age or theirs.  Family is important and family is more than your blood relatives, there’s all kinds of people I call family because of the bonds I have with them.  I absolutely know that I learned the art of forming family bonds from the values represented by my relatives.  We always have room for an extra place or two at our tables, extra blankets and beds for weary travelers.  It is true the reunions will never be the same when we lose loved ones, I like to think they remain with each of us through our memories and in the telling of stories of how they changed our lives. My father volunteered me to say “Grace” today and initially I was upset for him volunteering me, but after I thought about it…my mom used to do the same thing and my grandma before her.  What a legacy…I am ever so thankful for the people in my life and the ones who are forever in my heart.  I have a favorite song and I always feel close to God whenever I sing it or hear it and it makes me think of the two greatest women that I was honored to have been a part of…mom & grandma, I will love you forever and I think of you so very often.  Peace~

Here’s the song:  http://youtu.be/pWyufa8KTQs