The quiet and stillness of the night, so serene and solemn. The darkness of night that once fed my fears now offers a peaceful place for contemplation. In the distance, I hear birds chirping as if a celebration is taking place, a party in which I was not invited. I listen while nestled in bed covered by the shadows of the night. The darkness holds secrets laced with fear, intimidation and shame. I have experiences I wish I could forget and others I wish I could recall. I need to let go of the troubling ones but I continue to hold onto them keeping them locked in time and tucked tightly away within the framework of my very being. I used to recall these troubling memories and moments, replaying them over and over in my mind so that I would never forget them. The power of ones mind is unimaginable at times, some of my experiences have faded over time and their sounds seem like distant echoes in my mind. Recently, new fear has taken me by surprise, oh how I ache for my mother’s voice filled with confidence, independence, comfort, all with a commanding presence. My mom is not just my mom, like so many other moms. She was my teacher, my first role model, but most of all she was my friend. She was my beginning, she carried me, gave birth to me, raised me, and we will forever be a tapestry of all things beautiful, something uniquely shared by mothers and daughters. She is woven into the very fabric of my life, with every breath I take she is a part of me. I have things in my life that are fragile parts and pieces that are entirely too painful for words; however, I know full well by not allowing my spirit to speak its truths and give my soul the opportunity to heal, I am allowing and giving permission for “fear” to live and grow inside of me. The shame, regrets and faults must be expelled, its rich environment must be eradicated and exposed for the fraud and the lies it contains. Memories will linger for a season, maybe two but the hold they once had will slowly but surely fade because truth has conquered fear. No more living in the shadows, step into the light and be you, beautiful you! The wonderful person God created you to be!
Celebrate your life, you were not a mistake or accident, God had you in His plans from before the beginning of time as we know it.
~Blessings and Peace~
Nothing and no one can replace or fill your shoes, “mom!” My heart still aches and misses you beyond anything I could ever imagine. You loved me so unconditionally, you supported me in everything I attempted to do. You gave so much of yourself with no expectations of a return. I miss you so much mom, I miss your voice, the funny faces you made when you knew I was up to something. I want your strength, your integrity, your dedication to family, your selflessness, but most of all I want you, I MISS YOU!
Everywhere I go, glimpses of you and them flood my thoughts. I know you think I’m cold, deceptive and secretive but I’m not. I try every day to be an honest, loving person who tries to do good. I want to help others not hurt them. It’s true what they say, every time you give a piece of your heart away there’s always the risk of losing it. I’ve tried to be a good friend, partner, lover, companion…I’m struggling to find meaning and reason to the “why” things don’t work out; as well as trying to accept that they may never have meaning or reason. Letting go is so much harder than hanging on. I’m good at hanging on, wishing and hoping things might change but they don’t ever seem to.
~Blessing and Peace~
What is a Peacemaker?
Reflections after reading Matthew 5:9
By Charlotte Robinson
For Lenten Prayers from the Heart
“Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9 (NKJV)
Peacemaker, what does that even mean?
Being a negotiator?
Never experience conflict?
Emotions kept in check?
Everything and everybody stays in neutral? …
I don’t believe any of those characteristics listed are what Jesus was talking about or instructing us to be. Peacemaker, to me, means someone who can see all sides of a particular issue, seeing the “BIG” picture. It’s someone who has no agenda or loyalties to choose one side or the other. Being a peacemaker means seeing the good in everyone and exploiting that goodness. It’s facilitating all the good and downplaying the “not so good.” The challenge that keeps “peace” at bay is our inability to fix or change our differences, biases and conflicts. But what if we accept those things we differ on, and seek to find the things we can agree upon? After all, we ALL have purpose and value. Peacemakers are noble and valiant, and they are the children of God!
~Blessings and Peace~
Recently, I experienced an “Aha” moment. I found myself sharing moments about my life experiences not because I needed to but also not really because of a deep seeded desire to. There was no gain or loss motive to share, it was just sharing. It was a liberating realization that I have value and purpose not because of who I am or what I did or what I might do. Nope, my value is that God created me, He has plans for me and I have purpose. My “Aha” moment also revealed to me that I do not need to prove myself worthy to have friends or friendships, the epiphany that came to me was true friends don’t come with a price tag or warning label. My “Aha” moment gave me a very clear and concise message that I do not have to convince anyone to be my friend and neither do you! The cornerstones for the foundation of friendship include: honesty, trust, love and forgiveness. Face it, there’s not one single person who is great at all of these nor able to master all at the same time. For me, that’s where forgiveness comes in, unless you are just plain rude and cruel, no one sets out to hurt another person especially if you have a bond of friendship. This might be how “Murphy’s Law” comes into play…”Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Life is about learning, changing and growing. We all stumble along the way, not only do we deserve to forgive ourselves we absolutely need to forgive others, otherwise it hangs around and clutter up our lives and keeps us from growing and moving forward. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, it’s about freeing yourself of its burden. It’s giving friendship and love a fighting chance. Life truly is too short to be looking backwards all the time, hold onto the things that fill you and feed you, sometimes we have to let go of things and people in order to grow and heal, such things are difficult and should not be forgotten, always being thankful for the experience. I love this saying, “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same” by Flavia Weedn.
~Peace and Blessings~
How easily we are swayed by the people and circumstances that surround us. Good, bad or indifferent, they make their marks upon us and in most cases find their way inside us where it hides from the outside world. Our ideation, values and self-confidence begins with our families, then from our friends, teachers and public figures. We all must be able to reconcile ourselves when we see our reflection in the mirror as well as our hearts. I believe that God has blessed each of us with very specific gifts and talents; however, we must be mindful to the paths we choose to take. We are all human, and with our humanness we are foul-able, our choices help us to grow and discern. I know all too well that fear can choke us and keep us from pursuing our hearts desire. I know for me fear wins all too often, I’m scared of rejection but this fear also keeps me from truth. Is it possible for me to experience love, or even participate in fleshly desires? I’m too scared to act because of rejection. I do not want to be seen as a fool and/or as someone reaching beyond their limitations. The sad part is by taking no action I have already lost. Fear is a dictator and I want to move past this but I am too scared to try.
Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. – Prov. 27:2
No Wants, No Desires – Know Wants, Know Desires:
“Say what you mean, mean what you say.”
Can you imagine what life would be like, if everyone lived by that simple statement? No more hurtful conversations, no need for apologies and our intentions would be transparent creating relationships build upon trust and confidence. No hidden agendas and hearts could do what they were created to be…filled with love, grace and mercy.
Living with integrity and intentional.
“Seeing clearer as if scales are falling from my eyes. ~Mary Hayes
You don’t have to be good at starting over just good at letting go.
“The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…the work for which all other work is but preparation.” ~Rainer Marie Rilke
Courage, Love and You
Be courageous, take a chance on love or like; it’s the only true way to find it. We can’t be afraid of the unknown. Don’t be fearful of doors that are shut, shut doors are not necessarily closed doors. It may be scary to tell someone how you feel but, by not telling them and living with regret is a far worse thing to hold onto. Be brave, be true and above all be honest with yourself and validate your feelings and give yourself permission to find answers to your burning questions. I am telling you from experience, a very recent experience that even if you don’t get the answer you were hoping for…the most important thing is YOU ask the question. YOU were BRAVE, YOU were COURAGEOUS, but most of all YOU LOVED yourself enough not to live with fear and regret. YOU ARE SO LOVED!
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My visions of love…
Sounds of ocean waves as the meet the shore
See the dew kissing the blades of grass and petals of wild flowers
Feeling the warm summer breeze caress my skin
Mesmerized by the nighttime sounds surrounding the lake while watching the moon dancing on its surface
Love is everywhere and nowhere near.
It’s that time of the year when most of us make resolutions and proclamations forecasting our desired behavior outcome during the next 12 months; however, most of us are lucky to make it 12 days, let alone 12 months! Most people see “New Years” resolutions as a fresh start, the opportunity to improve oneself or simply to say “redo!” In years past I’ve probably made resolutions similar to the ones bouncing around in your minds right now…get health, exercise, lose weight, start dating, learn a new language, go back to school, learn to dance, try something new…ok, you get the idea. First and foremost, being honest with oneself is paramount when making or just thinking about changes and resolutions. During 2014, I had the opportunity to be involved with a challenge called, “My One Word,” it’s a process of finding a single word and then living into that word and learning what it truly means to you. My One Word was “Clarity” it has not been as transparent as one might think it would be. (Yep, I was trying to be funny!) *Go ahead and laugh or smile, no ones looking! So, “clarity” where to start? Basically, I wanted to better understand who I really am and to seek to be the person God created me to be. I am happy to say God has through the power of the Holy Spirit, provided me with some clarity. The best and most important aspect I’ve learned during the past year is, it’s not the resolutions that matter most, it’s the ability to keep moving forward, day by day being as authentic as possible and seeking to live the life I was created to live. Too often people live the life that others want them to live, and as much as children try to be the person their parents dreamed they would be, it’s not authentic if you’re not being true to yourself and God. As you think about 2015, I would challenge you to be authentic and be kind to yourself. Look at 2015 with enthusiasm, look at resolutions as tools that enhance and solidify who you are and what you do. Don’t choose resolutions that concentrate on negativity, rather choose things that you are already doing well and do them better. This world is difficult enough at times, do not believe the lies that say you’re not worthy or good enough. You, my friend are WORTHY, God created YOU on purpose, no mistake! So, what do you say? Will you join me in 2015, as we care for ourselves as well as others with gentle, caring hearts?
My 2015 Resolutions:
Resolution/Webster=the act of determining
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~Peace Be With You~