I have spent the majority of my day crunching numbers, making excel spreadsheets and reviewing calendars, I said that today was a decision day and I should have mentioned an exhausting day. There’s only one direction to proceed, that would be forward. Much like the TV series (Star Trek) which I enjoy, I am bolding going where no one has gone before. Although, it took me nearly half of my adult life to learn to be fiscally and financially aware, and dare I say responsible! I am determined to see this process through, I know it will be emotional for me but more importantly, it will be freeing. I have long wanted to be like my family and I am in so many ways, the core values my family and it’s generation after generation have remained solid and strong. I am realizing that I do not need to be a carbon copy to express and share the love and respect that my parents and grandparents, great-grandparents…did on a daily basis, it was nothing but simply living and treating others as they wished to be treated. I was so very blessed to have been able to know my grandparents and great-grandparents, it is a rarity today. I admired my mom and grandmothers, family was everyone you knew! My mom has been gone for nearly 2 years, immediately after I jumped into my mom’s role and as much as I want to be respectful of her wishes and a desire to fulfill her dreams, I cannot fill her shoes. She does not need anyone to take her place, she is irreplaceable…I can’t be mom to me, be a mom to my brother and I cannot fill the void in my dad’s world. I like to think that she is watching over me and sprinkling her courage and strength upon my shoulders. I have this memory of myself in a blue dress, long light-brown hair blowing in the breeze and my arms out-stretched reaching for my mom and calling out to her…I certainly could use a mommy hug right now. I will forever be her little girl. So, I am lifting the cloak I’ve been under and stepping out of my mom’s shoes and back into my own. I think she would be happy with that decision. This journey is not going to be easy, this I know. I will be facing truths and realities that I have kept at a distance from my heart because I thought that’s what I needed to do in order to help everyone around me to adjust to life without mom. There can be no replacement for my mom, I haven’t even considered that because God has placed so many wonderful people in my life to help prepare me for this journey, I am so very blessed. I get hugs that are very close to “mom hugs” and I am ever so grateful for the love I receive from all my friends and family.
Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV) “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
~Blessing and Peace~