A whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, dreams, plans, wishes, and desires, all have my head spinning like a top. Urging and pleading them to stop and at the same time begging and pleading them to stay. True life, the life I sometimes wish for, the one not so ordinary, the one that opens itself up to the depths, heights and fiery flames of raw passion. Daily, the media sells passion and fierceness as taboo and dirty. Passion is marketed as perverse, it is dark and dirty and being sold, day after day through film, TV, magazines…the too good to be true, which is all too often the case. Wanting to chase the hunger of lust and ecstasy of desire that was formed within me since long before I came into being. Seeds, that were sown within the fabric and essence of who I am, both good and perhaps the not so good but then again, not all that bad either. There’s a familiar voice that tells me to deny these truths, it often keeps me awake at night! I struggle over the “what if’s” and the “letting go!” Giving myself permission and allow myself to fully and completely submerge myself into experiencing the things I am often too scared and ashamed to give credence and voice to. As, if I alone have these feelings and urges, truths I now know to “not” be so true. These kinds of feelings are not wrong or shameful and should absolutely not make me weird or odd, or freakishy…I have believed the lies I have been fed for most of my life, I was convinced, and lead to believe that normal for me, was and is abnormal. What does that even mean. Normal or abnormal? This is how I see myself…walking while holding hands, feeling light as air, picnics by the lake, campfires, butterflies in my stomach, laying on the ground at night watching the stars, talking until dawn, laughing, tender and loving, hugging and holding, twisted and tangled, twirling and grinning and yes, blushing, kissing and caressing, skin to skin and soul to soul. There are lots of things I am not, and there are lots of things that I am.
~”The Secret Lies with Charlotte”
Charlotte was an English merchant ship of 335 tons built-in the River Thames in 1784 and chartered in 1786 to carry convicts as part of the First Fleet to New South Wales. She was a light sailer, and had to be towed down the English Channel for the first few days of the voyage. Her master was Thomas Gilbert, and her surgeon was John White, principal surgeon to the colony. She returned to Britain from Botany Bay via China, where she picked up a cargo for the British East India Company. Charlotte then spent most of the rest of her career in the London-Jamaica trade. She may have been lost off Newfoundland in 1818; in any case, she disappears from the lists by 1821.