Finding My Center, Seeing My Boundaries

What is this statement saying? Do you know your “center?” Do you know your “boundaries?” For many people these two things are identified early in life, especially boundaries…parents teaching their children to do very specific things especially for their safety. Such things as; watching for traffic, not talking or follow a stranger, staying away from a fire…another thing our parents tell us to do is to be respectful of our elders. Our boundaries are often an extension of what we were taught at very young age, we also tend to mimic the actions of others we observed when we were young. During the past few years I have become very intentional at looking at my life. I’ve tried to make sense of my youth and the events that forever made an impression upon my soul. I have also been looking more closely at the past couple of decades of my life trying to understand who I was, who I should have been, critiquing my actions and values, wanting to put things and events into a perspective I can learn from and to move forward being the person God created me to be. I cannot tell you the day or hour the realization came to me but when I finally and completely saw that my life is not and was never mine alone, but that I was created by God for His purpose and glory it was at that moment things became clear. God had always been a part of my life, just not the center of my life, that was a pivotal moment! Seeing my life belonging to God gave me a completely new view of myself and a different way to approach life. For many years I have tried to be the kind of person I thought others wanted me to be, I was still mimicking others. My likes, my dreams, my actions…all these things and more I did for others. I was afraid if I stood alone I would never be liked or loved. It wasn’t about peer pressure although that may have been in part a motivating factor, the truth is I wanted to be liked and more importantly I wanted to be loved. I live with an overwhelming desire to be helpful, helpful because I truly care, helpful because I can interject myself into a group or person I admire; however, all the helping and interjecting I did still left me with a void empty space inside. I tried filling this space with people, places, things…nothing filled me or sustained me. I felt like I was somehow cheated from having joy and a life filled with happiness. During my 20’s 30’s and even my early 40’s, I basically moved from job to job, relationship to relationship…sort of a drifter moving with the wind. I must interject that I did care deeply for the individuals I shared a relationship with, I just had not learned the lessons I needed to, in order to be a good partner. I don’t think I ever really tried to figure out things I just kept going forward hoping the next thing or person would fill the void in my life and if I were all the things they hoped for I would get my happily ever after…not exactly. I have suffered loss but nothing in extreme compared to anyone else, I have to say losing my mom has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever dealt with. I was completely unprepared for it, not to say anyone ever is. I felt like the ground underneath me gave way and all of a sudden I started seeing things start to spin I wanted so badly to give into this temptation of letting go but I did not because my dad and my brother needed me and needed me to be strong for them. It will be two years next month and I still miss my mom ever single day. My relationships with my dad and brother has grown over the past couple of years and I now have new insights about who they truly are and what they mean to me. I tried to be who I thought they needed me to be over the past couple of years but because of God and His never-ending love I am embarking on a new path of being me, the me I never really gave a chance to thrive. And do you know what? They still love me! I am establishing boundaries where previously I had none. I’ve learned the difference between helping and doing, a huge revelation!  Helping can be wonderful but if you’re helping because they do not know how to do things for themselves then you are cheating them from learning. Try teaching and helping together, I promise the reward with be worth it. If you love someone enough to help, love them more by teaching them. I’ve learned that love is not about doing, it’s about being; being true to who you are and sharing that with another. I’ve learned that happiness is not what someone can give you it comes from within yourself, we all have that power. Happiness is not possessions, possessions can offer convenience and comfort, but true happiness is inside you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with material things, but if you think a big screen TV or a BMW will provide happiness and fill the void in your life, you will be sadly disappointed. God has so much love for you it is mind-blowing, impossible to imagine but absolutely possible to experience! Once you say, God I am yours and yours alone be prepared to experience life! I can tell you once you have decided to follow Jesus you will never look at your life the same ever again. I still miss my mom but I know I will see her again, she’s in good hands, God’s hands! I am happier than ever before and although I’m not in a relationship, my trust is in God and I do have a desire to share my life with someone and I am now more than ever before prepared to do so if it’s God’s will. It is because of having boundaries and living into them have I found my center, the innermost part of me, my very soul and giving it back to my Creator that I now have life, life more abundant and life everlasting in Christ Jesus!

~Blessings and Peace~

P.S. To my friend~
Tell me why…
The sky is blue…
Tell me why…
The grass is green…
Tell me why…
…I do not know why but I do know
God loves you and so do I…<3