Some things in life are just unimaginable while other things are just so dreadful one runs to escape the images.  I do not know what the future may hold but I know whatever it may be I absolutely want, no need to have my Lord and Savior with me.  Philippians 4:13…”I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”  Love is kind, love is when your heart is breaking  and you still feel and want to love even more. O God, show me your ways, not mine.  O God, take my brokenness and make me whole. I find no comfort to soothe the aches that consume me, only you can heal my wounds.  God I love you and ask for guidance and most especially bless and keep my dad and my brother near you, as you are caring for my mother who is in Heaven with you.  You are my rock and my salvation. Amen.

~Blessing and Peace, to All~

God, I know you had plans for me and that you have plans for me.  Long before I was even born, you knew me and you created every part of my being.  I know nothing that is, just happened.  Everything, every minute detail was designed by you for your glory.  As I grow older and hopefully wiser, my view of the world has changed dramatically, typical when I was younger I saw the world around me to be free and full of opportunities to make a name for myself.  Now, years later there’s still freedom and opportunities but I do not have a burning desire to “puff” myself up to be something I am not.  I was thinking that life has grown more difficult with my age and life experiences but the truth is it’s not easier or harder, life’s lesson’s we must learn and endure are quite elementary.  Take cheating, compared from say the 1940’s or ’50’s to now in 2014.  The emotions one experiences would be the same, the moral fabric if you will.  The only change I see is, we now have more sophisticated ways of hiding it, so externally it may be easier to hide but what gets you caught are the emotions/morals we have on the inside those at our very core.  I use the example of “cheating” because we all or at least most can relate to it.  I won’t lie, I have cheated and been cheated, either side of the fence it feels awful.  As I approach an age milestone in my life I feel enormously blessed to have experienced being a kid in the late ’60’s and ’70’s.  I can watch “The Walton’s” or “Little House on the Prairie” and understand the family values and how God is central to their lives.  I have experienced rural country living as well as the city, both hold special places in my life.  I often feel detached from my immediate family and extended relatives who have never left the rural existence; I am in no way saying one way of living is better than another, only different.  I believe whole heartedly that I am where God wants me to be and I hope I never out grow my growing up in rural America, the fabric and textures of its simplistic-ness have woven me into the woman I am today.  We, as a society have created new ways of completing tasks with great efficiency, the tasks themselves have not changed much over the years, getting dressed still requires pants one leg at a time; driving still requires instinct and reflexes, education still requires drive, motivation, and the basics of the 3 R’s (reading, riting, rithmatic) that’s funny to those of you that “get it!”  Please forgive me for getting off topic, what I wanted to share is, my life was never mine to begin with, I am God’s creation and I have purpose, now more than ever in my life I am unlocking doors and seeing more vividly the urgency of  living for God, not beside, or with but FOR GOD!  without God I am nothing, you are nothing…we have purpose because God designed, created and gave us all life.  What a gift!  I finally realized I cannot and will never be good enough to be in God’s sight, we are sinful creatures, born into and of sin BUT, we are made NEW by the sacrifice at Calvary.  Jesus has paid the price for all our sins, I pray you already know Jesus in a personal way but if you have never recognized what Jesus has done for you and that you were not an accident or coincident, you are a one of a kind masterpiece of the Master.  God, this is Charlotte, thank you for my life and I ask that you bless each person who reads or hears this, show them your love, mercy and grace.  Help us to seek you everyday in all that we do, help us to see your arms open to hold us when we are tired, scared and lonely.  God, take our mouths and speak through them, take our minds and think through them and take our hearts and set them on fire! Amen.

~Blessings and Peace~

Check out “Pray” by Sanctus Real

Decisions, decisions, decisions!  For anyone who knew me in college, I lived for “crunch time.”  Pulling “all-nighter’s” for an exam, most especially “finals” but sometimes because I didn’t manage my time wisely and sometimes just being lazy.  Although it’s been many years since my college days a few of these traits are still common in my life.  I have been postponing  a task that is important but because of fear, guilt, responsibility and even a bit of shame it hasn’t happened.  Oh, I’ve got reason and excuses but the truth is I’m scared and fearful.  So, this week is the week I face my fear and address my task.  I’ve been talking about my choices and what needs to happen, it’s the actual act of doing it that has yet to materialize. I just had an image of myself flash before my eyes, I am much like a politician in that I say a lot of things but have done very little to make myself believable.  I read something today that jolted my being into stop talking and start “doing.” I get emails from a site called, Brave Girl’s Club and this is what I read today, “We can decide what kind of life we want to have, and we are the ONLY ones who can decide. We can’t wait around for things to happen. We must take action to make them happen. No more excuses, baby. Let’s do this.”  God speaks to us all in many different ways, I am thankful that God has not given up on me, as I am seeking to listen and follow Him, Amen!  I am not going to lie, I do not feel brave or courageous, in fact I’m terrified but procrastination can only go for so long before something happens, good/bad or indifferent…either you make the decision and have ownership or the situation owns you.  That is not what God wants, God is always with us and I am drawing my strength from Him and seeking to do His will.

~Blessings and Peace~

References: http://bravegirlsclub.com/

Isaiah 12:2 “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation.”

Friends,

I am writing this entry with nothing specific in mind but my mind is full of things.  I am currently sitting in a booth at a favorite restaurant of mine.  I like it here because it feels familiar, family feeling.  I have spent many hours in conversation while enjoying a meal with friends here in this place.  I am off work today, my Saturday if you will for those if you working the typical Monday through Friday schedule.  My work week is probably like many of yours filled with the necessities of life, things that must be done and often our personal needs often must wait for available time usually the weekends.  All too often I find myself wanting to literally hibernate because attending to my personal needs and wants seem so overwhelming. I completely admire “mothers” from my first hand experiences of my own mother and many friends that balance family, friends, husbands and children and have enough energy to care for themselves.  I also believe that God calls these women to service to be mothers to teach others the limitless possibilities to love and be loved.  I often feel very alone in this world, which is not the true reality of my life, I have a father who loves me, a brother that has a limitless ability to care for others, a niece and a nephew, many aunts and uncles, cousins and friends, truly God has blessed me with loving support.  Why do I feel alone and isolated? I can answer that, at least partially answer my own question…I choose to be, not for the obvious reasons of “oh, feel sorry for me.”  I have had a deep desire to care for others for as long as I can remember, this to my own detriment.  I feel joy when I can help others, a release of endorphins stimulates my mind and body to a state of happiness.  A key piece of information is knowing when to give and when to acknowledge limits if giving and identifying boundaries to protect myself from harm.  In order for me to give and continue to give is recognizing when I need to “give” to myself for my own preservation, boundaries.  A word I love to visual is “reciprocal” being able to see the word in action helps me understand the complexity of all relationships, if one side is always giving eventually things become so heavy on one side it causes collapse.  This discovery has been monumental to me!  Thank you, my friend for sharing your knowledge with me, you know who you are.  I am so much more aware of my place in this world, my world is so much more than the fenced in areas.  It is not my world, it’s God’s world I am in this world for His glory, not mine.  It can be so easy to minimize our existence when we live with blinders on, there is so much to see and learn, so much God has for us!  We all are making difference, the only question is are we making a change for God and His goodness?

As I share my struggles and triumphs with you, I pray that you see God and open yourselves to Him.

This is a follow-up to my previous blog titled “Fading…” I am extremely blessed by God and He is ever-present I know this by His wonderous works of grace and mercy.  Yet, knowing all these things I still feel the pressures of this life I live here on earth. I want to be very authentic when sharing my thoughts and yes, today was very dark and scary to read but trust me, it was exactly what I was feeling when I wrote it.  Two of my oldest and dearest friends reached out to me as soon as they read my words, tears immediately welled up and I could feel their love surrounding me and I knew I was not alone, God had provided for my needs at that very moment.  I never meant to cause any troubles to my readers.  Margaret and Nancy, your friendship has remained strong and special over the years…I love you both immensely! And, Pastor Michael your support and prayers are felt, thanks.  After, exchanging text messages and a phone call I knew I needed to follow-up and tell you that I know and believe God is bigger and stronger than anything in this world, I knew that truth while writing but writing it down got it out of my head, my authentic message to everyone reading this is “God is good, God is good all the time!” I also want to thank a special friend and her silent strength and endless prayers and reminds me, that being me as ok.  Place your trust in God always and most especially when nothing makes sense and the tunnel has gone dark.  Nancy reminded me of one of my favorite passages, “Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity…”

~Blessing and Peace~

I feel myself slipping away to a familiar place, a place I haven’t been in a long while. I know I should resist but I want to let go. My strength is weak, my senses are covered with a dense fog of vagueness. My desire for life is weakened in this state of nothingness, I have not lost my awareness of God and my need for Him; however, I do feel and acknowledge the distance between us growing with every breath I take. As the darkness continues to surround me, the light of hope is pushed further away, I can almost touch it. My tears do not flow outward, my sorrow grows within me. I want to rest, I sleep but rest eludes me.

C.A.Robinson
~03/13/2014

Lent 2014-What will you seek to receive?  I want to share mine with you…

What to give up? My fear of FEAR
What to give? LOVE

Daily
– Thank God for everything (All of it)
– Tell fear I will face you

Paul wrote, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

– Philippians 4:11 (NIV)

Direct me in the path of your commands,for there I find delight.

– Psalms 119:35 (NIV)

03/05/2014: Ash Wednesday, the service was emotional for me, it gave me cause in considering our mortality and a realization that I am NOT in control, God is!  I am allowing myself to be being controlled by false ideation of being the central part of the solutions but I desperately need to trust God which means giving up the reins of my life and my selfishness. It is time to face my fears and to bring them out into the light where darkness can’t hide and give false security. As I drove home from the service I kept thinking that if I were gone tomorrow what would happen to all the things I think are mine alone to do or can only be done me…somehow the pieces I’ve left behind would somehow get picked up, they would not simply disappear because I was gone, someone else would take over. I also thought about my mom and the emptiness my family has felt since her passing almost two years ago and as I see my father aging and his body doesn’t work like it used to, it saddens me to see him so fragile, and if his time to leave this earth is before mine will the void within me collapse and seal the pain that haunts or will it completely engulf me? The root cause of my emotions is fear, I’m so frightened all the time, fears of loneliness, emptiness, intimacy, of being me, the person God created me to be; why am I so scared of all these things and more? As I begin my Lenten journey I am seeking to fully experience and participate in this season of reflection, remembrance and renewed spirit. I was also reminded at the Ash Wednesday service that this season is about three things:
Prayer
Fasting
Giving of Alms
Through these things we are recipients of mercy and beneficiaries of grace given by our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Psalms 51:10

~Blessing and Peace~