I am writing this entry with nothing specific in mind but my mind is full of things. I am currently sitting in a booth at a favorite restaurant of mine. I like it here because it feels familiar, family feeling. I have spent many hours in conversation while enjoying a meal with friends here in this place. I am off work today, my Saturday if you will for those if you working the typical Monday through Friday schedule. My work week is probably like many of yours filled with the necessities of life, things that must be done and often our personal needs often must wait for available time usually the weekends. All too often I find myself wanting to literally hibernate because attending to my personal needs and wants seem so overwhelming. I completely admire “mothers” from my first hand experiences of my own mother and many friends that balance family, friends, husbands and children and have enough energy to care for themselves. I also believe that God calls these women to service to be mothers to teach others the limitless possibilities to love and be loved. I often feel very alone in this world, which is not the true reality of my life, I have a father who loves me, a brother that has a limitless ability to care for others, a niece and a nephew, many aunts and uncles, cousins and friends, truly God has blessed me with loving support. Why do I feel alone and isolated? I can answer that, at least partially answer my own question…I choose to be, not for the obvious reasons of “oh, feel sorry for me.” I have had a deep desire to care for others for as long as I can remember, this to my own detriment. I feel joy when I can help others, a release of endorphins stimulates my mind and body to a state of happiness. A key piece of information is knowing when to give and when to acknowledge limits if giving and identifying boundaries to protect myself from harm. In order for me to give and continue to give is recognizing when I need to “give” to myself for my own preservation, boundaries. A word I love to visual is “reciprocal” being able to see the word in action helps me understand the complexity of all relationships, if one side is always giving eventually things become so heavy on one side it causes collapse. This discovery has been monumental to me! Thank you, my friend for sharing your knowledge with me, you know who you are. I am so much more aware of my place in this world, my world is so much more than the fenced in areas. It is not my world, it’s God’s world I am in this world for His glory, not mine. It can be so easy to minimize our existence when we live with blinders on, there is so much to see and learn, so much God has for us! We all are making difference, the only question is are we making a change for God and His goodness?
As I share my struggles and triumphs with you, I pray that you see God and open yourselves to Him.