I am going to share a few things that have been on my mind and that I shared with a friend. As with most of us, I am in a journey there is a “something” I am pursuing, I seek meaning in nearly everything I encounter. Life is more than eating, sleeping, working and playing. The answers I seek are often obscure and difficult for me to articulate, which frustrates me and the people I feel brave enough to share with. I received some advice today that probably should have clarified some things for me but instead, left me uncertain. It was posed to me that “Perhaps what I seek is what I openly and freely share with others.” Could it be that simple? Maybe even the “Golden Rule?” Would I welcome and receive goodness and joy that I give away to friends and even strangers? These are the words that were on my heart yesterday…I am filled with agitation and pressure of promises made that are encapsulating me and I am feeling claustrophobic. Joy eludes me and I know why, at least partially. I am guilty of not sharing all of myself with God, my devotional time has slowed and the desire inside me has a shadow over it, this is my fault I know, I took my eyes off of Jesus and placed them upon myself…how very foolish. With all the wisdom of the writers of the Bible, I dare to think I can do better…I am nothing without God. I should be joyful that in spite of myself God wants and awaits my return. Why is this so difficult? Pride? Yes, there can be no other explanation…I am not worthy but I very much want forgiveness and love, not the love I have experience, I’m not sure that is even the correct word, I wish I were able to put the feeling I desire into a word that explains what I need…love only attempts to explain it. It’s more than physical, more than appearance, more than a feeling…it is a state of spiritual enlightenment perhaps not even possible to attain while enslaved in this vessel of humanness. God please rescue me from myself. Take my mind and give me your will. This is my prayer. So, that’s how my day started…through my stubbornness and pride, God triumphed by sending a message through an email from a site I use for encouragement called, “a little birdie told me” (thank you Margaret). Here’s what it said,
Dear Weary Girl,
You are tired today, aren’t you? You are tired of holding up the whole wide world, tired of being so darn tough, tired of being tested in every which way, tired of passing the tests only to be given another one.
It’s okay for you to have days like this. IT REALLY IS OKAY. YOU ARE OKAY. LIFE IS OKAY. And everything is going to turn out okay.
Everything is going to be okay, dear girl. It really is. You are going to make it. Please get some rest, take care of yourself, and keep your spirits up. Keep your eyes on the end goal and try your hardest to be patient with life’s lessons. You are so wise. Remember that good people have bad days sometimes. Smart people do dumb things sometimes. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. And still, everything is going to be okay.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Take a hot bath. Listen to your favorite music. And TRUST. And then keep trusting.
It’s gonna work out. You are going to be okay.
You are sooooooo loved.
It was as if God was speaking directly to me! My friends, may we all find the joys we seek.
~Blessings and Peace~