As I am sure you noticed, I like to keep track of the time and date of all the things I write. It quickly takes me back in time and I just reminisce. The piece below was the first thing I remember writing, I remember with great clarity, the events that were consuming me at that time. Reading it now, years of growing, maturing and just living provide insight and appreciation that I did not have at the time. Some of the secrets I swore to keep are still locked away but for different reasons today. There’s a valuable piece of wisdom I have gained through the years, life is usually never as bad as it seems. As I reflect on my life, it is now clearly evident God was and continues to be at work in my life. My ability to formulate words that describe my thoughts can only be divine. It’s not for accolades and recognition that I write, it has a healing effect on me in that, the longer the thoughts are trapped within me I ache for a release from my feelings and thoughts. God continues to bless me with the ability to write and reflect on the events happening in my life. I will be posting things that happened decades ago and current activities occurring in my life, I am
honored to share them with you. As I mentioned in my “About me…” I hope you find words and phrases to resonate with and possibly see that we are never as alone as we may think. I wish you love, peace and comfort in all you do!
What is this pain and emptiness I feel?
Why is my life – all of a sudden?
I lay awake at night – feeling.
During the day – this ache I feel.
Nothing seems to work for me except – this feeling.
I ask myself – What did I do? What didn’t I do?
Can I stop – this feeling?
Can I control – this feeling?
I’m on the edge – the reality of life.
It hurts to think – but I can’t seem to control my thoughts.
If possible to feel hurt and happiness together –
Then, that’s what I feel.
For even though my thoughts hurt –
It’s the only place I see true happiness.
In my thoughts – all my dreams come true.
Dreams – no one knows.
No one to tell –
I cannot bear to have anyone else see or feel this pain I feel.
I am not sorry for this pain – nor do I want sympathy.
All I really want is for someone to listen – to understand.
But – there’s no one.
I try to be strong – I am strong.
But – how long?
Forever – I must! Too much depends on me.
I made a promise to be strong.
To this promise – I will be true.
Till forever is gone – true I will be.
You see – the pain, it isn’t always there.
The pain isn’t always bad.
The painful feelings – –
They remind me of the happiness I once knew.
I can only hope this happiness will return – someday.
If not –
Then, I’m thankful for the memories I have.
I’ll be thankful for every tear I cry –
For they are not tears of sorrow –
But, tears of thanksgiving for possessing the art of feeling.
Not everyone is blessed with such a gift.
So – although I have pain and emptiness.
My life – it will go one.
Perhaps as life takes me down its path –
I will find more understanding of this feeling.
This feeling – it’s difficult to explain and even more to describe.
What can cause both hurt and happiness – ?
The answer – – – different for all of us.
For me, this feeling is – – – LOVE.
And, I will never regret it as long as I live.
Many may say they know what love is.
But until you feel it.
One cannot appreciate its depth.
If not for love –
Life would hold no purpose.
The power of love – in explainable.
For me, it is ever present in my heart, mind and soul.
It takes over your being and brings meaning and purpose to life itself.
It’s never selfish –
And, grows deeper day by day.
You see – it’s not just a feeling –
It’s what life is all about.
So, if love finds you but once in your lifetime –
Then, you are truly blessed.
Because, once you’ve got that feeling it never goes away.