Every day of our lives no matter what is happening; we have, in my opinion, three things: God, Heart and Soul. True, we also need air, food and water all of which are provided by God. There is nothing without God, no me, no air, no food, no heart and no soul.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.” -John 15:5
These past few weeks have been challenging for me on many fronts. My job offers a multitude of difficulties which are often more created from reaction than being proactive. I have been trying to better prepare myself for unpleasant situations and training my brain to engage before my mouth! I’m a work in progress and I’m thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness. My father has been in the hospital for the past couple of weeks, he gave us all quite a scare but the Lord has blessed us with great health care workers and my dad is slowly regaining his strength and his health is improving. My brother has been such a source of strength and support throughout this process. He has jumped in and helped with maintaining dad’s house and yard as well as visiting him nearly every day while dad is in the hospital. Not that this wasn’t enough, I have a health concern if my own. It may be nothing, it may be something, only way to find out is to see the doctor, which I am going to do. No need to worry, I remind myself of this fact often. This conditional world does that to us, creeps into our psyche and causes us to doubt ourselves and our God. I can say with confidence that I trust God and His Plan, and with that comes His timing as well!
I think the most frustrating thing about all of these things going on in my life is finding balance. We each find balance in a variety of ways and I am not in any position to promote one over another, I can only offer up what I’ve tried and what works for me. I know myself well enough that when I allow myself to be “spent” I totally go into “shutdown” mode. I definitely do not recommend allowing yourself to be completely drained, our bodies are not designed for such abuse. Everything in moderation. Eating well, resting, recreation and work, they are all important and necessary. Along with these things is spiritual wellness, in my opinion is the KEY to living a well balanced life. Spending time with God is as important as breathing. I have thought about this particular area a lot, God is not and should never be an after thought. We are nothing without God. Our very existence is because God created us and He loves us. I have learned and continually remind myself that God wants to be included and a part of every aspect of our lives. He wants to share our joys, our sorrows, our ups and downs, our embarrassing moments and our crowning glory moments. There’s nothing so bad that God would not want to be by your side.
So, what to do when frustrations mount and you feel like your in the spin cycle of a washing machine? In order to find balance it’s important to know one’s limitations. Taking control of the things we have control over and recognizing things we do not control and asking for God’s help in our concerns. Take it from me, you are not invincible. I have tried for years to convince myself and those around me that I am able to handle everything. Obviously, I was wrong and I was fooling no one including myself and causing more harm by lying about it. Why is it that some of us think we have to be “superhuman?” Where do we even learn that concept? If you’re like me, I would never expect anyone to do or handle the things that I try to make myself deal with…it’s a crazy thing to even think of, so why in the world would I expect it from myself. *The day I realized this, was day one of my healing process. Recently, I took a honest and full inventory of the things I’m trying to do, juggle would be a better word. I have to make some hard decisions for myself and I know they are for the best but I still feel like I’m letting others and myself down to a small degree. I’ve decided to cut back on some volunteer work that I’m doing, though it brings me enormous joy it is also a sacrifice of my time that is running very thin these days and I need to take care of myself in the same manner in which I want others to do for themselves. My new outlook tells me this is healthy and is a good thing. The old me would have been judgmental and criticizing of not being good enough or strong enough and just plain NOT ENOUGH. The truth is, I am enough and the decisions and choices I’m making are not selfish for myself or to others. It’s being kind and considerate of both. The grace we extent to others is equally deserving to ourselves. God loves us, not our attributes, skills and abilities. Our value is within us, not what we can or cannot do. Remember, “But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.” ~Romans 5:8
Below I have included a poem I wrote a few years ago before I found balance but as I look at the words today, I can see glimpses of truth trying to shine through my words, I just wasn’t ready to fully see the path in front of me.
Heart and Soul
Cold and scared where will I find refuge
Bleeding within myself, beaten, battered and bruised
My chest aches with the weight of the world upon me
Will I see the Light, will I ever feel again
My tears offer no release, I’m chained twisted and torn
I want to scream but who would hear my cries
God are you there, I need to know am I worthy
I’ve never been this lost before, where is home
I feel so full of emptiness, why do I even have a heart
My heart is a battlefield colored with darkness
Will my sorrow continue, what more will fall or go away
I am the infant that nothing will soothe my cries
I am the tree on a lonely plain, no shelter no leaves
I’m a single blade of grass on a concrete yard
How did I get here , who am I, why does it matter
When did I know, what purpose do I have
Talk to me, I am searching, is that my purpose
Crawling and scraping where am I to go
Can I be true to you and to me,
Show me the way home…
March 26, 2013
May you always find your way to God, no matter what kind of day you are experiencing.
“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S.Lewis
Below are some verses that will encourage you and tell you of God’s promises: