My Non-Specific Phobia: “Middle(ness)”

Middle is defined as being in the midst of something.

“As we release the hold of expectations and disappointments, as we stop trying to live into the imagined life and live the one we have been given, we discover a profound inner freedom to make choices out of love, rather than obligation or resentment.”  ~Christine Valters Paintner, PhD, The Wisdom of Mary and the Sacred Feminine – An Online Self-Study Retreat

I read the above quote after having a heartfelt conversation with a very dear friend about current challenges I am facing in life and being reminded that God has a plan, He’s always had a plan. I simply need to trust the plan and be open to the lessons God is teaching me.

I have found myself questioning many things over the past several days and formulating worst case scenarios so that I can be prepared for what the future may hold. Being prepared is not a bad thing, we all live better lives knowing that we have options and choices. The struggle for me and maybe others is that I am pretty good at beginning things (planning) and imagining the culmination of said things, I really struggle with the unknown and uncharted areas of the middle. I have often described myself as starting at “A” of the alphabet and quickly progress/jump to “Z” skipping the “B-Y” which is the true essence of said thing. True, it’s hard but so worth it. I say that because I know it to be true, I have not always been one to skips parts but I’ve learned, practiced and in a very sad way perfected it over the years. My reasoning for this has been in some respects; is that one can skip a lot of hurt, sadness and pain by avoiding the middle. The same can be said about missing the joys, happiness and pleasures of life that occur smack dab in the middle.

I know that my sense of reasoning is flawed and has come at a high price over the years. Being strong and responsible are great qualities to possess but being vulnerable and fragile doesn’t make one any less strong or responsible. It’s completely possible for all to exist together. Life is about taking chances and can be truly rewarding While experiencing the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I know I need to stop believing all the lies I tell myself and the lies I have imagined others saying to me or about me. I need to trust in God, accept God’s grace that He created me with purpose, on purpose and with a plan. I’ve hurt myself more than any other individual possibly could.

One of the biggest and best things we can do to move forward is to FORGIVE! Forgive ourselves for believing falsehoods about ourselves and forgive others of hurts that they directly or indirectly placed on us.

“Forgiveness is not about freeing the other person, it is about freeing yourself.” – Lisa Layden

Quote from, “How The Power Of Forgiveness Will Set You Free”

By: Tony Fahkry in the Mission (

“Forgiveness does not erase the past, but looks upon it with compassion.

To withhold forgiveness keeps alive emotions of hurt, anger and blame which discolour your perception of life.

To forgive, avoid ruminating on thoughts of being wronged. Rather, trust the power of forgiveness to heal the hurt and pain.

By holding on to pain and resentment, you suffer because the sorrow is intensified to keep it alive.

Despite people’s perceptions that forgiveness means to forget, its motive is preserved in self-forgiveness and the role you played in co-creating the circumstances.

This does not mean you consented to what transpired. Given your involvement, even as a victim, you forgive yourself regardless of your role.

Forgiveness means to let go of hatred, instead of allowing it to eat at you.”

“Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” ~Colossians 3:13-14

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” ~Matthew 6:12

It is my hope that this post provides encouragement to keep moving forward, strength to believe in yourself (myself) and courage to embrace and experience the “MIDDLE.”

Glean, the good.

Sift, the unpleasant.

Hold, the truths.