Change Me, Fix Me, Break me…

The past week has been challenging for me, both personally and professionally. My father was hospitalized and was in there for three days, with complications due to his COPD and CHF. After a few days of rest he was feeling better and was subsequently released from the hospital. It is a long drawn out process getting discharged from a health facility. We finally arrived at my father’s home about 7pm. It’s always comforting to be back in your home. Within ten minutes we discovered there was no water! Even in the mist of this frustrating situation, I tried to remind my dad (and myself) things could be worse, the weather had been very warm 50’s so thankfully it was not due to frozen water lines. We had many things to be thankful for as well as feeling blessed. Not being very mechanically inclined, I called my brother seeking his expertise. I don’t tell my brother often that I love him or that I’m extremely proud of him. But I do! He has a huge heart, never met a stranger, strong, committed, faithful basically an all around good guy. My brother lives rather close to dad so he came right over. The temperature outside was cooling and the wind was blowing and it was dusk, my dad lives in a rural area so he has a well-house where the pump and other electrical things are located to provide running water. I was not much help but I did hold the flash light and operated the breaker box when needed. After surveying the situation, my brother was pretty sure what the issue was and he had an extra part that was needed at his residence. So he drove home to retrieve it, returned and changed out the parts only to find it was not the problem, rather it was an electrical issue with the smaller breaker box “thingy” in the well house. The well house is rather small and a confined space, my brother powered through the cramping of his legs and pain of his knees kneeling on the wood and concrete flooring. His fingers were cold from the dropping temperature and his hands and fingers were tired and numbing as he tried to thread screws that were smaller than the average house fly. After an hour or so, the parts needed would have to wait until morning when the local hardware store was open. What I found out later was that my brother after working 8-10 hours as a farmer, spent over an hour at dads he went home and worked on his sons truck for 3-4 hours to fix his heater. He told me he fixed it and got to bed around 1am. The next morning my brother shows up at dads at 8am, he has already purchased the needed part and was ready to tackle the job. He ran into another issue which required purchasing a new pressure tank but I’m happy to say that after about four hours my dad had water. The parts all came to about $200, it was inconvenient true enough but God made a way. These events helped me to realize in our darkest hours God is in control, He will make a way, and will never leave us alone.

So, after taking time away from work to be with my dad, I returned to work. I truly love my job and I work with some of the most authentic individuals I know. One of these magnificent coworkers accepted a job offer last week and his leaving us with open a void that will not be easily filled. He has been a mentor, counselor, supervisor and friend to me. I’ve worked with him for over ten years and I can honestly say I am a better person simply by the example he has been in the workplace. My job skills have improved and I have developed new skills sets as well. I would say that he has been the best boss I’ve ever had and I’ve been working for well over three decades. He’s a good boss because he sees a person’s capabilities and strengths, then lets them soar. He’s kind of a gentle giant, quiet and reserved but also strong, bold, and very authentic. He’s not about false praise or egos, what you see is what you get…all real, all the time. So, yesterday I receive a message from a coworker, it detailed changes happening in the near future. Honestly, I love my current schedule and had hoped nothing would change and even if it did it would be minor changes. That would not be the case, our office will be going from 4/10’s to 5/8’s; there will be a seniority bid for shifts and all will be effective near the end of April. The first words that came to mind that I shared with two confidential people in my life…”Well, it’s official my world is crumbling.” I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something! I had several scenarios flash through my head, all of them would only be harmful to me! It didn’t change my level a frustration but I was clear-headed enough to realize I will still be working at a job I love, I will still work with and around people who bless me every day. When we concentrate on the negatives in our lives it becomes a slippery slope down to the pit of self-loathing and self-destruction. I chose to not ride the slippery slope, I just stood beside it and contemplated “What is best for me to do?” I could have taken to social media and made comments and accusations, but to what end(?). Taking the high road is not for the benefit of others it is for “YOU” it’s self-preservation and in some instances the targeted individual(s) are effected only because they thought they would get a reaction from you and when it does not come into fruition, it eats them up inside. We could call it a win/win!

I guess writing this down was a twofold agenda, first for me to document the events and see them for what they were, LIFE! The seconds reason is for you, the reader…the receiver to possibly resonate with something that can give you hope when you feel hopeless, courage when you’re discouraged and faith when you feel alone. I want to remind you that we all need reminders that God’s love is unconditional and He is always available to us. This sounds cliché but when you done know what to do or what to say, JUST SAY JESUS! Life is a crazy, bumpy, unpredictable series of events, we can choose to accept them and learn from them or we can be miserable, make those around us miserable and join the club of self-loathing and self-destruction. I am not in any way, shape or form telling you life will be easy and fun all the time, it just isn’t but we have “HOPE” and “LOVE” through Jesus Christ.

Things to consider:
1. Choose a visual aide for yourself when you start to feel frustrated or tested. Once you have this mental picture you will be able to pull it from your memory bank and it will help you process. It makes no different what it is as long as it is helpful to you. I actually have a couple of images that help sustain me during difficult times.

2. Have a person you trust to share personal and confidential information with so that you can talk with when you seem irritated or frustrated.

3. This is actually the most important, trust in Jesus, accept Him as your personal Saviour. If you don’t know Him personally simple say a simple and direct prayer, “Jesus I am a sinner, save me and teach me your ways. Amen.”

Thanks for continuing to read to the end. I appreciate your support and I pray that God reveals himself to you in a very real way today. Below is a quote that explains how I was feeling this past week. Unfortunately I do not have an author or references for it.

“God look at me. I’m a mess. A mess that I can’t even deal with but I know you can. This can’t be life? This can’t be who I was meant to be? I don’t understand why certain situations get the very best of me. Lord look at me. Change me, fix me, break me! Do as you please, whatever you need to do. I just want to one day speak about this and feel nothing but love. Change me for I can see with your eyes and not mines.”
“Change me….”

~Blessings and Peace~