Yearning for Familiarity

After a day filled with love, laughter, deep conversations and time spent with friends and confidants, I found myself feeling very alone at the end of the day, sitting in the dark in my empty home. In the past, I might have allowed this emptiness to overwhelm me and spiral into a depressive state; however, this time was different. I did not let the emotions of the moment dictate and lead to hopelessness; I sat with the feelings of being alone and discovered truths beyond the usual guilt’s of past relationships. As I sat there in the dark, taking in long breaths with purposeful exhales I let my feelings bubble up and flow out and over me, it felt very much like standing in a spring shower letting the raindrops fall upon my face and slowly trickle down my cheeks and drip from my chin. Then, all of a sudden I realized I had tears gently falling from my eyes. It felt good, as if a burden was being lifted and I felt light. The moments that followed were points of truth and clarity, I was alone and perhaps a few feelings of loneliness but I was certain as too what I yearned for…a familiar touch that only my mom could fill, I was not bitter knowing that she was no longer an option since she’s been with Jesus for nearly five years now, no I just felt blessed that I knew and had experienced that kind of love. I cherish the fact I’m always going to be my moms baby. My mom taught me several great lessons about life but the one that I’m most thankful for tonight is, self-love not selfish love but the love and care she taught me as an attitude towards myself. My mom was a strong and confident woman, tough and stern with a huge loving heart. I experienced a truth through this clarifying moment and that truth is I am lonely at times but disparity does not win, most importantly is the fact I am never truly alone, my God is always with me, plus my mom loves me and lives on in my memories. I am grateful for the lessons she taught me and that she will always be a part of me. So, as I continued sitting in the dark on this warm spring night, I prayer to God and ask him to embrace me like my mom used to and to make His presence known and to give me rest. Amen! I woke a few hours later, to a gentle spring rain and the aroma of freshly mown grass and I felt “loved.”

~Blessings and Peace~