I was pondering the other day, a habit I do a lot, my friends would say. I was in my car, driving along listening to the radio and all of a sudden I realized life is simply the act of living. Now I know your probably saying to yourself, duh! To that I reply, I agree…touchè! At some point in life some of us complicate life and develop attitudes of entitlement. Whether or not one believes in an afterlife, I think a majority of people would agree that what you put into life you will get out of life, meaning one must work in order to have the things one wants and needs. I feel very fortunate to be called part of the “Baby Boomers” I have experienced life at a time when technology was scarcely available to being inundated with technology that allows and promotes instantaneous results and gratification. I remember our family was the only house on the block that had a home telephone, and it was called a party-line. This is definitely “old school” and maybe something you’ve never heard of! A party line is a local loop telephone circuit that is shared by multiple telephone service subscribers. So not only were there only a few telephones available, those lines were shared lines and if someone had an emergency the caller would have to ask others to hang up so you could make a call! Hilarious to think about compared to now, practically everyone has a personal cell phone with capabilities far beyond just making phone calls. The point I’m trying to make is this, today I have my phone with me 24/7/365 and I still get frustrated and impatient which is utterly ridiculous because as a kid and even a young adult if I needed to make a call, I either waited until I got home or to a pay phone. There’s so many examples I could point out showing how we, as a nation and the world in general have grown and prospered but I think you probably get a sense of what I’m talking about. Getting back to my moment of pondering, as a Christian I was reminded that no where in the Bible does God promise or describe life as being easy, carefree, or perfect. In fact, I will go onto say that life isn’t about “our” comfort; it’s about being in places and circumstances where growth has the opportunities to take place. Often I have found that during the most difficult and stressful events in my life, God teaches me lessons that have had profound effects on my life and more importantly my relationship with God. On more than one occasion I have heard it said that we are called to be God’s hands and feet and to share the His love with everyone. As a Christian I have learned and accepted the truth and reality that life is not fair, more importantly God does not place us in harm’s way, we are not dispensable pawns in a game used for mere enjoyment or entertainment, we are God’s creation each uniquely different from one another. The most profound thing I’ve learned is this…”Life is not about what (we) think we can do or what (we) think our limitations might be; it’s about what God “knows” we are capable of doing and being. God’s plans are far beyond what even our wildest dreams could imagine.” Isaiah 64:8 “Yet, you Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

~Blessings and Peace~

The Compassion of Jesus

(Matthew 9:35-38) (NKJV)

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore, pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_line_%28telephony%29

Today, I’ve sort of barricaded my self within the confines of my home. I am surrounded with luxuries many don’t have such as running water, food, clothing, shelter, electricity, books and paper…I share this not to brag but to thank God for His abundant blessings. I am not worthy of any of these things, only by the grace of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Today I find myself neither having feelings of encouragement or discouragement. I am not satisfied nor unsatisfied just laying in bed, this is my safe zone. My protected area I can be and know that I’m surrounded with love, memories of family and friends and most significantly my God. This room is where I discover dreams and care for and allow my dreams space to grow in this my safe place. My bedroom/study area is the single most solitude place in my home. My home and most especially my bed are practically virgin(ness) once again. But I am not trying to dwell upon those things. Sleeping and resting are having an unusual effect upon me during the past few days perhaps a week, I often wake not refreshed but drained and exhausted. I know that I am experiencing a deeper level of sleep referred to as REM sleep, as I often dream and upon waking I try to remember as much as I can about my dreams. Most of my dreams frighten me and cause physical expressions such as screaming, thrashing the sheets and blankets and occasionally yelling out for help for specific people. Sometimes I’m afraid of my dreams and I keep them locked up inside, shoving them down as far as I can possibly push them. My small piece of the world seems to draw closer and closer day by day. My fears of people and things this earth can do to me are far more pleasant than what God can do to me. I’ve dreamed of Heaven since I was a child, I remember those stories and visions of streets paved in gold, with pure, crisp refreshing water flowing in streams for all to drink, resting on fluffy white clouds and the endless celebration of God’s final victory over sin and darkness. That’s where I want to be, I do not want to miss out because of my puffed up ego, my pride or my self-righteous indignation. I am not asking for the frontline, I only want to be called good and faithful servant. God, I am yours use me for your glory not mine, I know I have taken credit for things that were yours alone, forgive me, mend me complete me again. You gave me the gift of “empathy” and through your power and love I have been able to show others grief and loss as temporary, temporary in the sense that we learn to live with loss and find useful means for it in our daily lives. When I lost my mother I was 47 years old, age means absolutely nothing when you lose a parent. All I knew for sure was I would never again feel her embrace when I was sick or hurt, celebrating or mourning. I would never see the determination in her eyes and the hear the joy from her laughter. Today, sitting in my protected space at home, her voice is so far away even my memory has difficulty recalling it. It makes no difference to me what she meant to others because for all the many wonderful things she was, the best of all is, she’s my mom. I love her so much, I miss her so very much. And as I fight back the tears, I can faintly hear her say, “no tears please…I love you, this is your mother speaking….”

I Love You, Jesus
I Love You, Mom

~Blessings and Peace~

James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

The quiet and stillness of the night, so serene and solemn. The darkness of night that once fed my fears now offers a peaceful place for contemplation. In the distance, I hear birds chirping as if a celebration is taking place, a party in which I was not invited. I listen while nestled in bed covered by the shadows of the night. The darkness holds secrets laced with fear, intimidation and shame. I have experiences I wish I could forget and others I wish I could recall. I need to let go of the troubling ones but I continue to hold onto them keeping them locked in time and tucked tightly away within the framework of my very being. I used to recall these troubling memories and moments, replaying them over and over in my mind so that I would never forget them. The power of ones mind is unimaginable at times, some of my experiences have faded over time and their sounds seem like distant echoes in my mind. Recently, new fear has taken me by surprise, oh how I ache for my mother’s voice filled with confidence, independence, comfort, all with a commanding presence. My mom is not just my mom, like so many other moms. She was my teacher, my first role model, but most of all she was my friend. She was my beginning, she carried me, gave birth to me, raised me, and we will forever be a tapestry of all things beautiful, something uniquely shared by mothers and daughters. She is woven into the very fabric of my life, with every breath I take she is a part of me. I have things in my life that are fragile parts and pieces that are entirely too painful for words; however, I know full well by not allowing my spirit to speak its truths and give my soul the opportunity to heal, I am allowing and giving permission for “fear” to live and grow inside of me. The shame, regrets and faults must be expelled, its rich environment must be eradicated and exposed for the fraud and the lies it contains. Memories will linger for a season, maybe two but the hold they once had will slowly but surely fade because truth has conquered fear. No more living in the shadows, step into the light and be you, beautiful you! The wonderful person God created you to be!

Celebrate your life, you were not a mistake or accident, God had you in His plans from before the beginning of time as we know it.

~Blessings and Peace~