I have reached a crossroad in my life. I find myself thinking of my past, present and future. I feel like I am in a very good place at this time in my life. It is easier to look back on the events of my life with kinder and gentler eyes than those of my youth. I have maturity on my side and wisdom of the years. I do not like using the word “regret” because by doing so seems like I wish this or that had not happened. The truth is I do feel badly for the pain, sorrow and unhappiness I have caused others. But in the absence of these things, I would not have had the opportunity to learn from these experiences. Through my failed relationships I have learned to be a better life partner, discovered my limitations, my needs and my wants. I have learned relationships are partnerships of working together and complimenting one another. If I were to be availed the opportunity to say “I’m sorry things did not work out” I would do it; however, I know now that the faults for ruined relationships are almost never only one-sided. To my ex’s I have rationalized our breakups as something I did wrong, something I didn’t do right, I loved you too much or not enough. I have even admitted that there lives are better because we broke-up. I can honestly say I have only wished happiness and success to all those I’ve loved. I don’t know when or if I will ever “get over” the loss of my “true love” letting go is so very, very difficult. Perhaps, God is waiting for me to “let go” as long as I hold onto the past, I cannot securely grasp the present or pursue a future. Learning and changing my behaviors of the past can show me a clear vision of the present, to planning a future.
My professional life has also had it’s fair share of ups and downs, successes and failures. I’ve taken jobs because I wanted to pursue new adventures, I have taken jobs for their titles and prestige. It is because of these failures I am now more aware and have identified where my skills reside, my passion is ignited and to pursue jobs/positions that bring pure joy to me as well as contribute to the successes of those around me.
The most important revelation to my existence is my deep desire to know God and to do His Will. God has blessed me so abundantly and I so desire to be His child, to do His work. I have known of God’s love as far back as I can remember, I have fond memories of godly men and women teaching me the love of God, showing me companionship, friendship and stewardship. The writing below has always been a favorite of mine and I hope and pray that the people God brought into my life, know just how very thankful I am for having had the opportunity to have crossed paths with them.
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”
~Blessings and Peace~