I almost always start my blogs out with a salutation of “Friends-“. I do this because I do in fact count you as my friend. You have taken the time to read what I have written, some even follow my page and other leave comment…all are so appreciated. I have found WordPress to be an open and accepting community of writers and supporters of writers. I have found this space to be safe to share ideas and thoughts, not to persuade or coerce readers to believe in or endorse my ideas…simply expression of such. I thank each of you for providing this to me and I hope in return you have felt similar emotions.

I have been very forth right in my faith and belief in Jesus Christ and entrust my life to His service. “With that being said,” that’s a pun for my dearest of friend (BDC). Truly, I accept that I am fully human and I fail at things every single day even several times every day; however, through the grace of God I am forgiven and given new opportunities with every new sun rise. Being a Christian is not the picture that has been burnt into some of our minds as pretty, neat, orderly, calm, routine, simple…It is rough, very rough at times. It’s falling down, it’s asking for help, it’s humbling, it’s costly in ways that money could not even image, its chaotic, its loud, its confusing…and so much more. Do you know why? We live in a conditional world, we are sinful humans with a spirit that thirsts for more than what this temporal life offers. Our bodies will fail us and we them, our spirits will live on forever. I cannot explain forever and eternity, our minds cannot calculate beyond where time does not exist, at the very least, mine does not. My trust is in God and I hold onto those promises God gave us through the prophets and the writers of the books included in the Bible and in those books and manuscripts not included within the canonized Bible, why you may ask…because they too have value.

To my friends and family at ACC, I share these thoughts because I love you all dearly. I have missed connecting with you on Sunday mornings, Wednesday morning Bible Study and participating in the Women’s group (Esther’s Circle). I have been absent for a multitude of reasons, some worthy and some maybe not so much. My absence is not due to unhappiness or conflicts relating to the church and the congregation (my family). I am energized whenever I walk into the church, even when I’m the only person in the building. It’s home! It’s the smiles, the hugs, the laughs, the conversations…it’s connection. You see there’s only positivity when I am in the presence of ACC. You might be asking yourself, why in the world would you ever be absent from something that is so life-giving? Excellent question and observation.

I ask myself that question a lot! I often tell myself my excuses keep me from doing things. I blame myself sometimes for making bad decisions or poor choices. Life becomes a blaming game. That is a hole that can be very difficult to get out of once you jump in. Isn’t life about learning? How does one learn? Trial and error, practicing to do something correctly means we must have tried it and failed. I had a coach in college that used to say, “Practice does not make you perfect.” “Perfect practice can make you perfect.” If you practice a skill incorrectly you will never execute it perfectly. (Thanks Coach Shemwell).

My struggles are no more or less important than anyone else’s. This is a value statement, we all should tether it to ourselves, a life vest of sorts. I struggle with depression, it is often exaggerated in times of change and stress. Change is a funny word and can relate to so many things in life. I have a multitude of health concerns going on in my life at the moment, some could be greatly improved through better life choices and some just are. With medical concerns comes medical appointments followed by medical bills which usually causes increased stress. None of these are unique to me and I’m sure if everyone reading this were honest, you could say that you too can relate. Sure you can, because life can be difficult and unfair in our opinion but we are survivors and we see light at the end of a dark hallway. My light without a doubt is Jesus and His arms are stretched out reaching for me. I hope that is your vision too.

Most of the time I fight my depression, I feel the cycle begin and sense the familiar. I have many people I can count on in times of difficulty, personal and professional. I thank God for all the wonderful individuals in my life, some are close and some miles away but always close in our hearts. I know that there are times in which I can make it very tough to love me!

And, then there are times I sink down into it, feel it cover my body like a deep, thick fog on a lake in the middle of the night with only a sliver of the moon glazing down upon it like glass. I close my eyes and imagine the glass sliding across my skin, making shallow cuts and streams of crimson cover my pale skin. I take a deep breathe and exhale, open my eyes, nothing broken, nothing hurt; only an emptiness that I desperately want to fill with something, with anything. I thank God for His protection and clarity during these times. I pray for those who suffer with these afflictions. I understand it and even at times yearn for it. I know it is not the answer I seek, filling a void with useless material is no different than the void itself. So, I am choosing to sit with the void, perhaps even make friends with it. It’s only my enemy because I allow it. I am even going to go out on a limb and say that the void is merely space that I have yet to grow into.

As I come to the each of this post, I pray for you. You have touched my life in ways that I may never be able to tell you or show you. Know that YOU matter and that YOU are loved!

~Peace~ Charlotte

References:

https://disciples.org/

Home 1

https://www.crisistextline.org/selfharm

http://oneloveallequal.org/2017/08/24/self-harm-hotlines/

Home

https://www.mentalhelp.net/depression/hotline/

https://www.biblestudytools.com/

https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/stress-bible-verses/

https://www.christianity.com/bible/bible-verses-for-depression-38

Hello dear friends ~

I have been pondering this post for a few days, excited to share one of my most favorite movies with you and hopefully some insights that have been beneficial to me. The movie is called, “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness.” It is loosely based upon the real true life story of Gladys Aylward. I’ve watched the movie at least a dozen times and have memorized some of the lines.

I have not read the book about her or watched the documentary, that is until yesterday. I watched the documentary on Amazon Prime and highly recommend it. She was a remarkable woman! She was born in 1902 and died in 1970, to my surprise I actually know someone who met her! I posted on my FB page yesterday that I had watched the documentary and liked the movie a friend of mine responded and told me she had met her in 1961! Amazing!!

Her story is one of courage, compassion and complete faith in God! So inspiring!!

“One happiness scatters a thousand sorrows”

According to traditional Chinese thought, the most important goals in life are the five happinesses – good luck, prosperity, longevity, happiness and wealth. These lie at the heart of all aspects of Chinese life and culture and are commonly depicted as various symbols or ideograms on everyday objects such as textiles, furniture, doors, ceramics and jewelry.

The sixth happiness as described in the movie is: “Each person must find out in his own heart what the sixth happiness is.”

The pondering question on my mind the past few days has been, what is my sixth happiness? I am not certain I can actually single it out or down to one thing. I find myself very passionate about sharing life and sharing love. My heart overflows with gratitude for the abundant blessings God has given to me. I am passionate about literature and learning. I often ache to write down my thoughts and as the words flow out of my mind its as if a damn has been breached and my heart races as I try to write down every word. Often the words do not feel as if they are just merely my words but that the words are being funneled, directed and/or lead to me to share. I believe that God through the workings of the Holy Spirit are placing things on my heart to say. I don’t wish or want to alienate anyone with my words. I’ve learned over the past couple of years that our words are very powerful and we must be careful how we use them. I am not point any fingers towards anyone in particular, I myself have spoken words that were in anger, even false based upon my own interpretation of things. The truth is, we all have said things we wish we had not because we are human. We are sinful and are in need of saving, saving from ourselves and the wickedness of this world, we need a Savior, we need Jesus. When we start looking at and learning from those mistakes, we are humbled and we strengthen our resolve to be better human beings tomorrow, than the ones we are today. Being a Christian is not easy and definitely not for the faint of heart. It’s not simply saying the right things that people want to hear, it’s saying the words and living them day after day. God did not promise perfect days, riches, good health or prosperity; He did promise to always be with us.

Matthew 28:20b, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

I find most days difficult because there’s so much discourse happening around the world, in my country, in my state, in my city, in my neighborhood and even with my work environment. Discontent is being multiplied in every corner. People are afraid to speak their thoughts, feelings and opinions due to fear of retaliation or guilty of not being PC (Political correctness) enough. I feel at times surrounded by individuals who would rather blindly do or say what someone tells them to do instead of using their own brain and voice. We have politician promising things that will never come to fruition, at least in their lifetime, all for the sake of a few votes. Cable news shows attack other networks instead of presenting facts to help educate their viewers. I don’t care if your a democrat or a republican, a constitutionalist or a libertarian, it matters that you care about the country you represent and how you treat others. Mutual respect should be afforded to everyone. In a democracy such as the United States during elections there will be winners and losers, win graciously and accept defeat graciously. We vote every four years, if your party doesn’t win accept that we are all Americans and that we are free and that freedom came at a price. Life is ebb and flow, that includes government…as elected officials you serve the people (ALL PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES). We each are capable of doing great good or great harm.

“Say what you mean and mean what you say.” -Stephanie Lahart

I am sorry I got a bit political, I try to keep that stuff off my blog but it is increasingly becoming more and more difficult. I will definitely try and keep it to a minimum. My frustrations had reached a boiling point and I felt I had to share in order to stay authentic to myself and to my readers.

“…at 211 degrees, water is hot. at 212 degrees, it boils. and with boiling water, comes steam… and with steam, you can power a train. one degree. Applying one extra degree of temperature to water means the difference between something that is simply very hot and something that generates enough force to power a machine.” -Sam Parker, 212 the extra degree

I am a Christian, not a shocker to anyone who knows me or follows my posts; I want to share another pressure point for me these days, Christians fighting and dividing humans into groups as if we are cattle off to market. A good reminder for all of us, pastors and congregations is that we are the created and the Creator is the final authority on all things. I have not been to seminary and the only authority I have is from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have attended church my whole life, raised in a Christian home, attended a Christian high school and college and the most important lesson I’ve ever learned from the Bible was spoken by Jesus and is in my opinion the foundation of all biblical teaching:

There you have it:

• Love God with all you are

• Love your neighbor as yourself

My One Word for 2020 is FAITH! I am seeking to live in and through my faith this year with intentionality. And, as I seek my sixth happiness I have a feeling it will include LOVE…giving, receiving and most importantly SHARING!

~Keep the Faith~ 2 Timothy 4:7

References:

https://www.encyclopedia.com/women/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/aylward-gladys-1902-1970

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051776/characters/nm0786780

https://www.openbible.info/topics/i_will_always_be_with_you

January 1, 2020

Hello friends!

2019 has come and gone; whether it was filled with good or challenging things I want to pause and thank God for the opportunities to be a part of the story and journey. I am sincerely grateful you joined me on my spiritual wondering in 2019 and I hope you are able to travel along in 2020.

I have spent the last month writing and talking about Advent and the anticipation of Jesus’ birth. It was a time of Hope~Peace~Joy~Love! It was also a time of Faith, faith in the prophecies foretold in the scriptures and faith in God fulfilling His promises.

A few days ago I received an email from One Word 365 (http://oneword365.com); it was asking if I had picked a word for 2020. I had not, so I began to pray about it and asking God for guidance and insight. On the morning of 12/31/2019, I awoke and the word on my heart was “FAITH.” I was not exactly sure and still do not know where this word will lead me, but I trust that God has a plan. As I began my day, looking around my home I was suddenly struck by something I have looked at nearly every day since August 2019, it is a beautiful frame that a dear friend had given to me as a birthday gift! I smiled and thought to myself, “It’s a God Thing!”

I’m thankful for my faithful friend and for this amazing gift and keeps giving long after the celebration. I purposely use the word faithful because my friendship with this person has lasted many decades and long periods of little contact and yet we I see her it is as if no time has passed. In many ways there’s a kindred sister like spirit between us, I’m so thankful for her caring and loving spirit. She is a blessing to me and to do many others.

I know how faith is described in the Bible but I also wanted to see other definitions of the word so I went to the Merriam Dictionary for additional meanings:

FAITH (NOUN)

• allegiance to duty or a person LOYALTY

• fidelity to one’s promises

• sincerity of intentions

• belief and trust in and loyalty to God

• belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

• firm belief in something for which there is no proof

• complete trust

• something that is believed especially with strong conviction

• a system of religious beliefs

• without question

FAITH (VERB)

• BELIEVE, TRUST

I am looking into 2020 with optimism, I am blessed to be on this journey and I’m seeking to serve God in the coming year. This past year had many challenges and most of them are still lingering around. Some days I see them more as obstacles rather than opportunities. I have found myself fighting systems that seem broken from my viewpoint, sadly not everyone else sees what I see. I have learned, although with much difficulties that my vantage point often only makes sense to me and in most if not all cases serve to benefit me. If I were in an individual environment all the time my viewpoint might be ok; however, that is not the case. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionists, I like to have a system and for it to be followed. I’m overbearing, I had to admit but my ex’s and friends don’t lie. I really do mean good but it does not always seem that way. I am hoping to improve upon some of my less attractive features in the coming year. Some days I amaze myself at my stubbornness. I grew up with friends and playing on team sports, sharing and carrying burdens as a group. Over the past decade I’ve been more reserved and have spent a lot of time alone, not excuses or even reasons why I’m different, simply facts.

This past decade I lost my mom to either an aneurysm or possible heart attack, went through a breakup of decade long committed relationship and reunited with an old relationship that ended nearly as quickly as it reignited. My job, which I love and find rewarding has brought disappointments from management and supervision, my work hours, days off and people I work with have changed several times. I’ve experienced hands-on management and no-hands management; I’ve seen my evaluation scores decrease every year since the current management changes and they do not correlate with actual performance. When employees feel valued they perform better.

With all that being said, I still love my job. I love the daily task that I do and some of the individuals I work with. I’ve learned a lot of things about myself through all these changes and challenges, as well as learning about others I work with and for. I’ve posted in previous blogs the lessons I learned about control and concern, I have many concerns and even ideas but I am not in control. My stubbornness has got me into some sticky situations when I assume control of things I am not, just because it’s a good idea and even logical and maybe time saving and did I say logical (?)…if you’re not the person with the control it is only a concern.

Romans 10:17

“So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

Hebrews 11:1

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

2 Corinthians 5:7

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

~Keep the Faith~ 2 Timothy 4:7

References:

#OneWord365

https://www.merriam-webster.com/

https://www.openbible.info/topics/faith