~Blessings and Peace~
Month: May 2018
Different
Being different (?) (!)
This song came on the radio today as I was driving and the word “DIFFERENT” seemed to formulate in my mind in bold capital letters beckoning for my immediate attention. Initially I thought of different as opposite from anything or anyone else. I’m not exactly sure that’s the picture the artist is painting for us. The beautiful thing about music and art is it’s ability to meet each person in unique and remarkable places. The vivid picture that was displayed for me today is that God is not asking us to be different as much as He is asking us to be ourselves, the unique person he created us to be, not opposite or in opposition from anyone else. I know for me personally I have sometimes thought being different meant being unacceptable and not fitting it. These are the falsehoods that Satan wants us to believe and sometimes the world we experience; however, I believe God wants us to celebrate our uniqueness and share it with the world, as written by Paul in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
I sincerely believe we all desire acceptance on some level, too often we rely and seek this approval from the world, our friends, family and coworkers. In a general sense I don’t think any of this are particularly wrong the part I question is “why” do we seek their approval? If it’s merely to receive verbal praise and worthiness in “their” eyes I would say…STOP! The only true acceptance in placing value on yourself has already been said and established by God before time began. The hardest thing I have ever done is believe in myself: not what I can do, not what kind of job I have, title I hold, my training or my education; these are additions to me, upgrades if you will. Believing in myself because God made me and loves me PERIOD! God loves you and He loves me! Nothing more nothing less. Of course, God wants our obedience, time and talents but Hos love is not dependent upon us doing any of these things, His love is unconditional for everyone.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Rom. 5:8
“He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1
Prayer: Thank you God for your unconditional and relentless love. Amen
~Blessings and Peace~
References:
May 22nd
When I took this picture of my mom on May 22, 2012 I had no idea it would be the last one I would take. My mom would unexpectedly pass on June 22, 2012. It’s not good quality but I cherish it as being priceless.
So, here we are May 22, 2018…I miss her every day. Today, I am blessed to be able to share the day with my Aunt Helen (my mom’s sister) and my cousin Teresa (Aunt Helen’s daughter) doing something we shared with my mom, placing flowers in cemeteries across Indiana in memory of our beloved family members. This has been a family practice for as long as I can remember. It’s such an honor to be able to do this small task every May as it brings back a flood of happy memories and the retelling of old stories and most of all, thankful hearts for all the blessings God has given us. Life is so very short, tell the people in your life how much you love them, don’t wait for s special day, they are all special. Smile more and stop to smell the flowers, stand in the rain and looks to the Heavens and thank God for His Love and for all your Blessings.
The poem below was written about a month after my mom passed away and I was grieving losing her. Grieving is a part of who I am now, it is more than sadness it’s all emotions intertwined in a beautiful tapestry of all the moments I shared with her. She is my hero and I am so very thankful that God blessed me with her as my mom!
The Day
The day I never wanted to come
That day has come and gone
The imagined loss and emptiness
Those feelings have settled in
A void that cannot be filled
How does one grieve such a loss
Not with time, family or friends
Such a loss with open wounds
Wounds that are felt more than seen
Pain that blocks all healing
Mourning that feels no relief
Just one more hug or embrace
One more I love you
No one can ease the pains of life
Nothing like a mothers love
Mom, I miss you
I miss you everyday.
~C.A.Robinson
~July 28, 2012 @ 10:26pm
Abbey of the Arts for May 22, 2018
“In our usual day to day awareness, one moment isn’t especially different from another. In seasonal time, we become aware of the continual invitation to cross a threshold into a deeper awareness. Dawn, day, dusk, and dark each carry different qualities and questions.”
~Christine Valters Paintner, PhD
~Christine Valters Paintner, PhD
~Blessings and Peace~
Dreaming of Someone
Dreaming of Someone
The familiar keeps appearing in my dreams
I know it was true in the past but holds no future
Wanting to experience the new and unfamiliar
Clouded images is all I can see
I am shrouded with fear and anticipation
Leaving the past settled in a fossilized state
Memories good or bad have power only when we allow it
New things happen everyday it’s time moving forward
Even the best planned events are never a sure thing
The best things often happen when we least expect them
After I started writing this, I turned on the radio and the song I heard was what some might call a coincidence, while others like myself believe it was God speaking directly to me. This coupled with the fact I was listening to a radio station I was completely skeptical of when I first tried it. In fact I didn’t even make it through the stations widely known challenge of listening for 30 days and you will be hooked. Truth is, I was sold almost immediately not only by the truth of their advertising but more importantly their mission “Positive & Encouraging K-LOVE.” http://www.klove.com/
Here’s the song that was playing…
In all honesty, I have no idea what the future may hold for me, or even what I want from the future. I do believe that God is preparing me for something and just maybe someone. It all starts with one step, followed by another, walking with God as I journey forward. Thank you for traveling with me on this incredible journey of living life for God.
~Blessings and Peace~
Happy Mother’s Day
Thinking of my mom today and remembering all the Mother’s Days we spent together. She is greatly missed and I know she’s in Heaven and that she loved me unconditionally. I thought I would share a poem I wrote for my mom way back in 1985, just a few years ago!
Who…
gives me blue skies,
and tells me no lies.
gives me strength when I am weak,
and wisdom to be meek.
fills my darkness with light,
on a cold winters’ night.
makes me laugh,
and leads me on my path.
Who…
is this so true,
it is you, Mother, YOU!
Mother’s Day 2018
Happy Mother’s Day Weekend!
I was having breakfast at the Denny’s restaurant today and had just started to work on a mother’s day blog when an elderly couple walked in and sat at a table near me. I saw the lady and literally did a double take looking at her. She looked like my mom, so much in fact I took a picture of her sitting at a table. I immediately sent it to my cousin with a note saying, “at a glance who do you see?” My cousin responded with, “that gave me chills!” Followed by a picture of goosebumps on her arm, followed by, “now tears!” This lady without even knowing it touched at least two lives today. My cousin and my mom were very close and often has visits from my mom in her dreams. I was so glad to share this experience with her, her mom and my mom are sisters and there’s such a strong family bond between us, I am extremely blessed. This will be the fifth mother’s day since my mom passed away, she is greatly missed. I’ve been thinking of my mom recently and I believe seeing this lady that resembled my mom was a message telling me that my mom is still a part of me and that she knows I struggle sometimes but to remember I come from a long list of strong and caring women. I am also reminded that I will see her again in Heaven.
I am celebrating my mom and all her accomplishments this weekend! She will forever be a part of me. Here’s a photo of my mom and the lady I saw today.
Here’s a new song out just in time for Mother’s Day by Matthew West I hope you like it.
Here’s something I wrote after my mom passed away, I have shared it before but think this is a good time to re-post it.
The fog continues to conceal the facts and realities of life
She is still very alive and just out of reach from me
Seems that we just keep missing one another
As if she’s just a few steps away and I can’t get closer to her
Missing her as if I’ve been on a holiday or vacation
Basically feeling an overall numbness of self and environment
I regret not asking more questions and not listening more intently
She inspired me and others to be honest, strong and above all to have integrity
Missing her is tolerable, thinking she’s just busy
Gone, she can’t be…I’m not ready, there’s still so much more I need
–08/12/2012 @ 7:50pm
~Blessings and Peace~
Time For Everything
Surrounded by void
Covered with emptiness
Filled with obscurities
Heaviness yoked upon me
Nothingness clings to me
Time a calculation of numbers
Grayness soaks the atmosphere
Breathing toxic words
Consciousness an escape
Go, stop, merge, yield
No, yes, maybe, okay
True, false, why, because
Born, live, die
Look, touch, feel
Like, love, goodbye
Begin, end, start again-
~C.A.Robinson
May 9, 2018 @ 2302
Surrounded by God
Covered in layers of Love
Filled with the Spirit
My burdens lifted
Possibilities endless
Time irrelevant
God is the Light of my world
God supplies the air I breathe
Body, mind and spirit move as one
Truth, Purpose
Beloved, Worthy
Hope, Peace
Promises Kept
God
Alpha,Omega
Eternity,
Together Forever-
~C.A.Robinson
May 9, 2018 @ 2341
A Time For Everything
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Ecclesiastes%203:1-13&version=NIV
~Blessings and Peace~
What is Calling for You (?)
I was recently ask the question, “What is calling for your attention?” Could it be “control” or possibly “vulnerability?” I started approaching this question with a past method that had not served me well, avoidance. What I have learned is two things, avoiding things will only delay the inevitable and two, my ability to suppress my thoughts while sleeping, impossible.
One thing I have noticed is the more distance I place between the things I want most in my life, the louder they call to me. The appear in the news feeds I read, they randomly show up in conversations and even in movies and TV shows I watch. I have a tendency to perform risk analysis to many things in my life and often it keeps me from moving in the direction of finding and pursuing. I’m left with a sense of emptiness and a void that I try to fill with “things.” These things are typically just “fillers” watching a movie I’ve seen multiple times, playing useless video games or my go to favorite, sleeping. I try to keep myself in check knowing the risk of depression taking a stronghold, when I feel the tightening grip of depression I can sometimes do one of two things, give in or physically move myself to a new environment. Often going for a drive or a walk outside helps and gives me a new perspective. But, depression is not something you turn on and off, it can be completely debilitating at times. Depression is a disease and is not about making yourself feel good. Just like other diseases, depression is a medical condition that can require the assistance of medication or counseling or a combination of the two. With that being said, sometimes I am depressed and withdrawn. The spring weather is definitely good for my soul, seeing nature coming to life and hearing the sounds of new birth is very refreshing. I am reminded of the power of God and His endless, boundless and wondrous love for me. I am also blessed with friends and family that support me and encourage me.
God’s perfect timing, I just read my verse for the day, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 4:6-7 https://biblegateway.com/passage?search=Phil.4.6-Phil.4.7&version=NIV
I want to be very clear here and say that my depression is not a curse from God or some kind of punishment, it’s an illness and a disease and God loves me and created me for His glory. Depression is not for anyone to judge or burden one another with self-righteous babble. God alone is the Truth, Life and the Light of the world. “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” ~John 14:6 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=John%2014:6&version=NIV
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” ~John 8:12 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=John%208:12&version=NIV
So, to get back on point…I was sharing a question about what is calling for my attention. Is it “control” or “vulnerability?” I have been examining “control” more specifically “my control” over the past year and have be blessed with wonderful role models in my life to assist me on this quest. The biggest and greatest lesson I have learned is the different between “control” and “concern” and they are not at all what I thought they were. I had assumed that the things I was interested in and passionate about, I also held some sense of control of, in true reality there are very few things we have absolute control of. For example, I am in total control of what I wear to work everyday true or false? False, I have control only within the confines of the workplace dress code. The same is true for many things in life. The selling point for me was learning the difference between control and concern, when I saw things as they truly were, I found out I have a lot of things I am concerned about and very few where I have absolute control. This was a huge awakening for me, I would stress myself and those around me when things were not precisely the way I had intended them to be. The issue was rarely that they were wrong they just weren’t the way I had envisioned them to be. Kind of an ego buster to admit that you’re not in control, lots of concerns but no control. Once I was able to more clearly see my role and my responsibilities, as opposed to the self-imposed responsibilities; I found myself feeling less intense and less demanding of patrolling areas outside of my control. An added bonus to learning this life lesson is I discovered boundaries and what they truly mean and what they represent. It was as if someone turned a light on and all of a sudden I saw boundary lines as real as if they had been painted in white. Boundaries have always been so elusive to me, the concept was never really clear, it was like looking through a frosted window where things are all distorted. I actually have a book I’ve started reading a few times over the past decade called “Boundaries” I just could never get past the first chapter. I just wasn’t ready to learn the lessons I needed to until now. I look back over the past few decades and can see God’s will working in my life and leading me to this particular time to more fully understand life and my place within it. This is just another part of my journey and I know God is using the people and circumstances in my life to teach me the things I will need as I journey forward.
I haven’t shared much about vulnerability, as it’s a tough subject for me. Most people do not like being vulnerable. Webster defines it as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. Well neither sounds good to me! In a world where power, popularity, and wealth seem to be coveted, vulnerability has no place. Why? Often because in my opinion, it is misrepresented as only a negative, a fault and defect. I think it can be those traits as well as being the means of developing a better understand towards one another and it can help solidify ones own character traits. By definition a vulnerability assessment is the process of identifying, quantifying, and prioritizing the vulnerabilities of system/person/place/thing. I have things that I am vulnerable (sensitive) about and I try to avoid them whenever possible. And, just because you are vulnerable in an area doesn’t mean you will always feel that way. When I was in high school I detested speech class, I was embarrassed to be in front of my classmates for fear of being laughed at along with other fears as well. I think I only gave one speech the whole time I was in high school, then came college. I decided to major in Education…obviously I did not think that through…what do teachers do? Talk in front of others! My solution for freshman speech class…get into a class where I didn’t know anyone, my thought was it wouldn’t hurt as much to have strangers laugh at me. Not sure how I did it but I managed to pass the class, and I graduated with a B.A. in Secondary Education. I still get nervous when talking in front of people but it’s different now, this is yet another example of God’s unfailing love, He was providing learning lessons that molded me over time and through a gradual process for His glory not mine. I have had the privilege of leading a women’s bible study the past two years and it has brought me so much joy! Amen! All things are possible with God! When it was no longer about me and was about God will, my vulnerability became God’s message.
We are all imperfect people living in an imperfect world, my hope is that we treat others in the same manner that we want to be treated. In a world where you can be anything, BE KIND!
Thank you for sharing my journey with me. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this blog entry and my prayer is that you know Jesus in a personal way!
~Blessings and Peace~
Your (My) Moral Compass
I changed the title after I started thinking about this blog post first because I am in no position to tell anyone what their moral compass is or should be and tell you how to find your moral compass. What I do hope to convey is my moral compass and the journey I have traveled and where it might lead me to next. Life is not a destination to arrive at to plant oneself and stop. Life is a journey with many stopping and starting points along the way. A musician doesn’t learn to play a specific instrument and suddenly stop, they crave new sounds and arrangements, challenging themselves to new discoveries. The same is true with artists, it’s even been said “they like to push the limits and press ideas outside of conventional means in order to start new conversations that connect people. Writers have a burning in their souls to share their thoughts and ideas, allowing their readers a glimpse into their organized chaos.
Everyone’s journey begins at birth, everything we are exposed to during the critical developmental stages of life make an impact on our understanding of life. It has been my experience that children with siblings develop a sense of sharing more quickly than children with no siblings. I grew up with several cousins and that taught me that not everyone gets to do their favorite thing everyday, some days we played baseball for hours, some days we rode our bicycles for hours, some days we would go fishing…mostly outdoors activities occupied my childhood and I was exposed to lots of activities which help develop passions for some of those activities. I also learned concepts like trust, cooperation, teamwork and companionship.
As I grew older some of these traits solidified and made profound impacts on my life. Growing up in a small rural area I just assumed my values, my dreams and my aspirations would and should be just like everyone else’s. It’s seemed very clear based upon the data available to me at the time. I had similar dreams that other girls did…a boyfriend in high school, dates and first kisses. Thoughts of getting married, living in a cute little house with a white picket fence. *Those that know me, don’t laugh…I really did dream those dreams. Because that’s who I thought I should be, be like everyone else. I even had a picture in a scrapbook of a southern mansion with a wrap-a-round porch painted in the purest of white paint and decorated with beautiful flowers. *i still have the picture today, not the dream…I realized it really wasn’t me at all but beautiful all the same.
I was fortunate to have been able to know and remember not just my grandparents but also my great-grandparents. What a blessing! My deep sense of family comes from growing up with multiple generations of my family. My mom had 8 bothers and sisters and my dad had 2 brothers and numerous cousins and second cousins. Family was valuable and priceless. I was the only granddaughter on my father’s side of the family, which was good and not so good all at the same time. I learned at an early age that family is always there for you, no matter what. I learned generosity from my family, whether it was providing a meal, transportation, money until payday, labor to mow the yard, borrow a cup of sugar…hearts were filled with compassion and generosity. Second chances, third chances…you’re family and that’s all that matters, take care of family. Helping a neighbor, saying hello to a neighbor and just plain being neighboring!
My parents provided for our spiritual needs as well, as a kid my parents attended the “big” events life Easter, Christmas and VBS programs and sent my brother and me to Sunday school every week. Some of my fondest memories are from that part of my life’s journey. We were picked up every Sunday by our Sunday school teacher, her name was Roberta Smith and we called her “Birdie” she was an angel. A strong godly woman with a heart of gold. I attended that church from toddler through my high school years, I still drive by the church about once a month and pause to remember and smile because of the peace I feel in my heart. The other beautiful thing is that this church is at the entrance to the cemetery where my mom was laid to rest. There’s so many happy memories of this place and although I know my mom is not really there, I know she’s in heaven with God, but it comforts me to be able to visit her here and to leave tokens of my love at her gravestone. This too has been part of my journey, in the midst of the pain of saying goodbye to my mom God was preparing me to discover new things about who I am and the learning continues. I experienced grief like I had never imagined, I found out that I would survive without my mom’s physical presence and learned she will always be a part of me. I am her daughter, she loved me beyond imagination and supported me beyond understanding, she taught me how to be strong and confident, how to give without reservations, to display bravery even when your frightened. She was honest, faithful and fearless.
Recently, I have found myself looking back on events that have happened in my life and examining the lessons I’ve learned. I’ll be honest, I’ve had some really “crappy” things happen to me that have helped to form some of the moral ideas on my compass. Let me be the first to tell you, you don’t have to hang onto those “crappy” things or ideas. You have, I have the ability to say…NO! That’s not right, that’s not true! That’s not me now! We can choose to delete those false ideas that were pressed upon us when we trusted the wrong people and situations. I don’t want to forget, I want to put them in their proper place and look at it from a new perspective then recognize it for what it was and let it go. Tell it, that it no longer has control over you. When we spend too much time in the past, we lose sight of the present. Respect the past, receive the lesson and the move forward freeing your hands and feet to meet the next step in your journey with arms open wide.
I have learned that I can honor and value my parents and their beliefs and to not be bound to them. I can form my own values and beliefs and I have the ability to change them. My core values (love, respect, forgiveness) remain unchanged, it is the learning of new ideas and living through life experiences that lead me to more clearly and concisely define who I am and what I believe. Some experiences have led me to greater empathy towards others and there have been times I just had to say, I don’t understand but I respect you. Life, like I mentioned earlier is not always about what we want, it’s compromise and cooperation. I have friends that I love and respect and we do not agree on everything and that’s ok. To be respected one must give respect. To be heard, one must be willing to listen. If we start with commonality and work together towards our differences we might actually see possibilities.
I am thankful for all the stops, starts, detours and derailment so far in my journey through life. God has blessed me, God continually forgives me, God comforts me, God leads me, God chases me and God restores me. No regrets, because I learned from the mistakes and the missteps, sometimes I learned quickly and other times it took years but God never left me even though I wandered off many, many times.
Sometimes we just need to stop and check our compass, make sure it’s pointing in the right direction. Thank you for reading about my journey and I pray for your journey may we meet at Jesus’ Place someday!
~Blessings and Peace~
DISCOVER 
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