Change Me, Fix Me, Break me…

The past week has been challenging for me, both personally and professionally. My father was hospitalized and was in there for three days, with complications due to his COPD and CHF. After a few days of rest he was feeling better and was subsequently released from the hospital. It is a long drawn out process getting discharged from a health facility. We finally arrived at my father’s home about 7pm. It’s always comforting to be back in your home. Within ten minutes we discovered there was no water! Even in the mist of this frustrating situation, I tried to remind my dad (and myself) things could be worse, the weather had been very warm 50’s so thankfully it was not due to frozen water lines. We had many things to be thankful for as well as feeling blessed. Not being very mechanically inclined, I called my brother seeking his expertise. I don’t tell my brother often that I love him or that I’m extremely proud of him. But I do! He has a huge heart, never met a stranger, strong, committed, faithful basically an all around good guy. My brother lives rather close to dad so he came right over. The temperature outside was cooling and the wind was blowing and it was dusk, my dad lives in a rural area so he has a well-house where the pump and other electrical things are located to provide running water. I was not much help but I did hold the flash light and operated the breaker box when needed. After surveying the situation, my brother was pretty sure what the issue was and he had an extra part that was needed at his residence. So he drove home to retrieve it, returned and changed out the parts only to find it was not the problem, rather it was an electrical issue with the smaller breaker box “thingy” in the well house. The well house is rather small and a confined space, my brother powered through the cramping of his legs and pain of his knees kneeling on the wood and concrete flooring. His fingers were cold from the dropping temperature and his hands and fingers were tired and numbing as he tried to thread screws that were smaller than the average house fly. After an hour or so, the parts needed would have to wait until morning when the local hardware store was open. What I found out later was that my brother after working 8-10 hours as a farmer, spent over an hour at dads he went home and worked on his sons truck for 3-4 hours to fix his heater. He told me he fixed it and got to bed around 1am. The next morning my brother shows up at dads at 8am, he has already purchased the needed part and was ready to tackle the job. He ran into another issue which required purchasing a new pressure tank but I’m happy to say that after about four hours my dad had water. The parts all came to about $200, it was inconvenient true enough but God made a way. These events helped me to realize in our darkest hours God is in control, He will make a way, and will never leave us alone.

So, after taking time away from work to be with my dad, I returned to work. I truly love my job and I work with some of the most authentic individuals I know. One of these magnificent coworkers accepted a job offer last week and his leaving us with open a void that will not be easily filled. He has been a mentor, counselor, supervisor and friend to me. I’ve worked with him for over ten years and I can honestly say I am a better person simply by the example he has been in the workplace. My job skills have improved and I have developed new skills sets as well. I would say that he has been the best boss I’ve ever had and I’ve been working for well over three decades. He’s a good boss because he sees a person’s capabilities and strengths, then lets them soar. He’s kind of a gentle giant, quiet and reserved but also strong, bold, and very authentic. He’s not about false praise or egos, what you see is what you get…all real, all the time. So, yesterday I receive a message from a coworker, it detailed changes happening in the near future. Honestly, I love my current schedule and had hoped nothing would change and even if it did it would be minor changes. That would not be the case, our office will be going from 4/10’s to 5/8’s; there will be a seniority bid for shifts and all will be effective near the end of April. The first words that came to mind that I shared with two confidential people in my life…”Well, it’s official my world is crumbling.” I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something! I had several scenarios flash through my head, all of them would only be harmful to me! It didn’t change my level a frustration but I was clear-headed enough to realize I will still be working at a job I love, I will still work with and around people who bless me every day. When we concentrate on the negatives in our lives it becomes a slippery slope down to the pit of self-loathing and self-destruction. I chose to not ride the slippery slope, I just stood beside it and contemplated “What is best for me to do?” I could have taken to social media and made comments and accusations, but to what end(?). Taking the high road is not for the benefit of others it is for “YOU” it’s self-preservation and in some instances the targeted individual(s) are effected only because they thought they would get a reaction from you and when it does not come into fruition, it eats them up inside. We could call it a win/win!

I guess writing this down was a twofold agenda, first for me to document the events and see them for what they were, LIFE! The seconds reason is for you, the reader…the receiver to possibly resonate with something that can give you hope when you feel hopeless, courage when you’re discouraged and faith when you feel alone. I want to remind you that we all need reminders that God’s love is unconditional and He is always available to us. This sounds cliché but when you done know what to do or what to say, JUST SAY JESUS! Life is a crazy, bumpy, unpredictable series of events, we can choose to accept them and learn from them or we can be miserable, make those around us miserable and join the club of self-loathing and self-destruction. I am not in any way, shape or form telling you life will be easy and fun all the time, it just isn’t but we have “HOPE” and “LOVE” through Jesus Christ.

Things to consider:
1. Choose a visual aide for yourself when you start to feel frustrated or tested. Once you have this mental picture you will be able to pull it from your memory bank and it will help you process. It makes no different what it is as long as it is helpful to you. I actually have a couple of images that help sustain me during difficult times.

2. Have a person you trust to share personal and confidential information with so that you can talk with when you seem irritated or frustrated.

3. This is actually the most important, trust in Jesus, accept Him as your personal Saviour. If you don’t know Him personally simple say a simple and direct prayer, “Jesus I am a sinner, save me and teach me your ways. Amen.”

Thanks for continuing to read to the end. I appreciate your support and I pray that God reveals himself to you in a very real way today. Below is a quote that explains how I was feeling this past week. Unfortunately I do not have an author or references for it.

“God look at me. I’m a mess. A mess that I can’t even deal with but I know you can. This can’t be life? This can’t be who I was meant to be? I don’t understand why certain situations get the very best of me. Lord look at me. Change me, fix me, break me! Do as you please, whatever you need to do. I just want to one day speak about this and feel nothing but love. Change me for I can see with your eyes and not mines.”
“Change me….”

~Blessings and Peace~

The Wilderness and Providence – Day 5

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“He split the rocks in the wilderness and gave them water as abundant as the seas.” ~Psalm 78:15

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Providence defined by Webster is “divine guidance or care.” It’s origin comes from the Latin word “providentia,” which means the ability to see something in advance; foresight, foreknowledge.

The reading from the pamphlet today focuses on God’s Providence. The direct and indirect ways He is shaping the future. There has been much debate of God knowing the future; God making the future events happen which all leads to the question “If God already knows, does “free will” actual exist?” My position of this particular subject is I believe both can be true. Since I am only human and not a learned Christian theologian I am at a disadvantage to say God does not really acknowledge “free will” what I can say with certainty is, I believe in God, creator of all things. God loves all of His creation and wants only the best for all His children. I know that I am nothing without God, He sustains me, loves me and forgives me of my sins.

The Bible gives us many examples of God providing water for people who are lost and struggling in the wilderness, to prepare them for the transformative work to come. Have you every thought about your actions or reactions to specific situations (?) you may notice that sometimes you know exactly what needs to be done? I have and every single time when I look back at my life and I have had experienced something similar before and because of that experience I am now more fully prepared to help others and even myself when there’s a need. I have found that in times of deep sorrow I am less likely to implode on myself because of lessons learned.  I have experienced two devastating events in my life over the past decade and I look back and wonder how I made it through such dark and heart wrenching events. I never really imagined life without my mom, but she left this earth over five years ago. I was crushed, I went through all the stages of grief more than once and I’m still here. It was God’s unrelenting love that helped me. There’s so many things I had to learn because she was gone, now I’m stronger, wiser and more compassionate because of losing her. The other defining event in my life was the ending of a nearly decade long relationship with the person I loved and wanted to grow old with, people change and grow apart, I just didn’t see it happening. It took several years to even talk about it because it still hurt. It hurt because I wasn’t ready to let go and move on, over time things began to change and I could see more clearly that it had been for the best. I have nothing but fond memories and we both want one another to be happy. Yesterday would have been eighteen years, silly how some dates are forever etched into our brains. It’s true that time heals wounds. The reason I shared these two events was to let you know that even though these were difficult times for me, I have learned so much about myself, my world, and most importantly the people I love and care for. These were teaching moments in my life and my hindsight allows me to see God working in my life.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

James 1:2-3 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”

Bible examples of God providing water for people in the wilderness:

John 4:5-42 “Jesus talks with a Samaritan Woman”
Verse 7: “When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”
Verse 10: “Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
Verse 13-14: “Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

1 Kings 19:1-9; 21:25-28 “Elijah Flees to Horeb”
Verse 6: “He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.”
Verse 8: “So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.”

Exodus 17:1-7 “Water From The Rock”
Verse 5-6: “The Lord answered Moses, “Go out in front of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink.” So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel.”

Where has God provided in your life, and how did it bring change into your world?

Breath Prayer: When I am parched with doubt, God of Living Water, fill my cup.

~Blessings and Peace~

References:
https://www.biblegateway.com