My anticipation is greater than the arrival of my reality. The imagery drawn in my thoughts are sweeter than my current state of affairs. My longings are filled with sweet cravings and satisfaction; these quickly fade as a parchment being met by a flame. A pretty box wrapped in beautiful paper, decorated with delicate ribbons and bows, excitement fills me as I gently untie the bows and carefully peel back the paper, when at last I slowly open the box…it reveals nothing, it is empty. An empty box, I am bewildered and disappointed, my eyes no longer can hold the tears quickly multiplying, tears begin to form and rush down my cheek as if it were raging rapids. All of a sudden, the tears stop and the flood gates close. Calmness returns as if nothing had even happened and all things resume, the thoughts of longing are quickly filed and perfectly tucked away. Knowing they will return again and this cycle will again be activated and after a short battle of wills is exhausted, a war I know I will lose and yet I continue to fight. My hope is that someday this cycle of fear, shame, and disappointment will be extinguished by truth and clarity with an honest sincere reality.
Perhaps what I seek can’t be found in the box at all, could I be the gift? Am I the pretty paper and delicate bows and ribbons? Just perhaps the contents I can choose and place them in the box myself, gathering treasures that are all of my choosing~
June 09, 2017
Isaiah 64:8 “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”
Matthew 10:29-31 “What is the price of two sparrows–one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”
Psalm 139:2-4 “You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.”
~Blessings and Peace~