As I am writing this my heart is heavy, today I will be attending a funeral, a life celebration for a second cousin of mine. He is my mom’s first cousin and they had a lot in common. Family was precious to both of them, they loved to laugh and reminisce whenever they were together. They both came from families with lots of love, history and traditions. Today, also marks four years since my mother passed away, I still think of her everyday and I miss her and I’m ok with all of it. Grief has found a place to rest in my soul. I was talking to a friend today, describing how my thoughts of heaven have changed through the years…I believe it’s an evolving idea. As a kid, I heard about streets made of gold, mansions, praising and singing, harps playing and big white fluffy clouds. As I have grown and experienced life and studied the bible I think maybe, all the things I mentioned are true and more…my hope is that God and the spirits/souls of family members met my cousin and my mom as they entered into God’s Kingdom. I’m comforted by knowing that I was raised in a Christian home with the promise of everlasting life with our Creator. I hope these words below and the songs give you peace and comfort.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
~C. S. Lewis
Family, the fragile state of life.
The tests and trials before us
Years come and go, family ties bind
Sickness and sadness reminds us
Busy lives, racing to and fro
Thinking tomorrow time will slow
Tomorrows stay elusive out of reach
We gather at weddings, wishing
We gather at funerals, remembering
Often asking why and where
God may seem elusive but He’s not
God is always with us
We only notice when we need Him
Celebrate the daily things
Thank God daily for His presence
Take time for Family in-the-in-between
Weddings will be happier
Funerals will be less sad
Family ties that bind, strengthened
The grace of God never-ending.
~April 3, 2011
The day I never wanted to come
That day has come and gone
The imagined loss and emptiness
Those feelings have settled in
A void that cannot be filled
How does one grieve such a loss
Not with time, family or friends
Such a loss with open wounds
Wounds that are felt more than seen
Pain that blocks all healing
Mourning that feels no relief
Just one more hug or embrace
One more I love you
No one can ease the pains of life
Nothing like a mothers love
Mom, I miss you
I miss you everyday.
~July 28, 2012
I took for granted that you would always be there for me, how selfish that was but here I am wishing you were here with me. I’m sitting here thinking of all the missed opportunities I had and let slip away because I thought…there’s always next week or tomorrow now there’s no more tomorrow’s or next week. I miss you so much it literally makes me weak and ill. Thinking of all the things we wanted to do and now they will never be realized because you’re gone. You were the strongest person I knew, the most giving person I knew and you were loved by so many, even by the ones who didn’t like you they loved the person you were. I like to think of you in place where you can still see me and watching over me. I also hope you’re at rest and surrounded by loved ones and you have peace. If I close me eyes I can still feel the embrace of our final hug and kiss goodbye ….that day will always be…no, it does feel like its happening right in this very moment. It’s true what they say…When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. Mom, I miss you so very, very much!
I will forever be your loving daughter.
~January 08, 2013
~Blessings and Peace~
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ~John 14:27