I guess it happens sooner or later to all of us. It’s funny I don’t “feel” old on the inside, although there are signs of aging. Pills for this ache and that pain, stuff to make to go and stuff to make you stop. It becomes a never-ending cycle. I have nothing but the words and spoken experiences from others describing “growing old.” My feelings are mine alone and as much as I try to empathize with others, there’s no exact sharing of feelings. I am still a daughter, sister, aunt and cousin…I still crave and want love, encouragement and support from my parents. All those feelings came to an abrupt standstill on the day I was told by an emergency technician my mom was gone. Almost instantly everything changed in my life. The sudden loss of my mom left me numb for several months, I immediately stepped into the shoes once worn by my mom, they were big shoes and I tried my very best to fill them. I love my family, perhaps more deeply because of this experience. My sadness is selfish, I miss my Saturday phone calls from my mom, the voice messages saying, “This is your mom, call me.” I miss hugs and kisses, I miss her laughter, I miss her spirit and spunk, her strength, her dedication to her family and friends, her sacrifices for her family, her sense of morality, fairness and commitment. She was not perfect, she was not a saint, she was strong-willed and made no apologies for the things she believed in. I’m selfish because I know that I’ll never celebrate another holiday or birthday with her, I’ll never taste her cooking again, and never hear her say “I love you, Charlotte.” With all that said, I am thankful that she is no longer in pain from working too many hours for way too many years, she is remembered by many and she touched many lives and her character will live on in her legacy. As Thanksgiving is fast approaching, I am thankful for all I have and for the things I no longer have. Loss, though painful is part of the cycle of life. Death, may have taken the body of my mom, but her spirit continues and she lives on in my memories. Grief is a process, so I’ve been told and even read about…my grief is a part of me and we are learning to co-exist with one another. In closing I want to impress upon you that we are all a work-in-progress…I’m still learning and growing, I know God is in me and He has a plan. At this Thanksgiving make a list of things you’re thankful for, I’m sure you will see that you have an abundance! Not perfection, definite blessings!
~Blessings and Peace~
I am thankful for…
Freedom
Clothing
Food
Shelter
Clean drinking water
Electricity
Medication
Job
Health insurance
Family
Friends
Vehicle
Books
Bibles
Computer
Paper
Pens
….you give it a try!
HOPE SEEKER 