Absent in the Present

This month has been filled with all levels of emotions for me, with Lent and Easter Celebrations and lots of family things. I found myself getting disconnected from God and frustrated at myself for it. My father has been experiencing many health issues over the past six weeks which have included 3 hospital stays, 4 surgeries with 2 of them serious. I am happy to report, he is now doing better and recuperating at home. I found that I too often put myself in a control position and quickly become overwhelmed, I am only fooling myself, God is the only one in charge and control the universe. Seeing my father age has been a struggle. Since my first memories of my dad, he’s always been active. He enjoys working in his garage, mowing the lawn and tinkering on this and that projects. Although his health requires modification to do these things now, I do not want him to stop doing the things he loves doing. He remains in my heart and mind…the “I can do anything” dad. He often remarks about his limited education but those who have degrees and certifications have nothing on him. I’ve seen him change oil, change tires, rebuild engines, build a tool shed, paint, doing roofing…the list goes on and on. My dad came from a lower middle class family, learning many traits and working long, hard hours was just a part of life that started at a very young age. My dad, in my opinion holds a very special degree, MASTER OF LIVING LIFE which is available everywhere but not all can complete the class!! I have been able to see and appreciate my dad with kinder, more loving eyes, the older I become. We lost the “rock” of our family almost two years ago. The loss of my mom was in my mind devastating, the worse experience I’ve had in my life. But, how much more devastating it was to my dad, after moms passing the depths of my dads love for her was so very evident and so overwhelming I could only try to imagine what it was like for him as he suffered the loss of his wife and best friend. My parents were to celebrate their 49th wedding anniversary just one month and three days after she passed. I had planned a secret gift for them, knowing that it would not be expected at their 49th…a trip to Gatlinburg, TN. When my brother and I were young that’s where we would go on vacation and I knew they loved the area. However, it was not meant to be. Back to my thoughts of being overwhelmed with issues life has thrown at me this month. My biggest struggle this past month has been that my life felt “out-of-balance”; my life routines had been drastically altered. My time with God and studying His Word had been interrupted and initially I remember thinking I’ll catch up with my devotions and reading…you know how that went, out the window!! The further I got away from God’s Word the more frustrated with life I became. Knowledge I have gained during this time of Easter/Lenten celebration has been to live in the moment, celebrate in the moment, being present in the moment. God does not require makeup sessions or detention when we miss a devotional or church service, God will meet us where we are, He wants to meet us where we are. I simply had to acknowledge who God is and how very much I need Him, as well as how very much I want to be in connection with Him. I noticed that the more I connected with God, through His Word, prayers and conversations, the closer I felt to God. When I choose to look at the events of this past month, I can see clearly that what I viewed as overwhelming, was opportunities for me to experience my dad in a very personal way and gain even more respect for him as a person but most importantly my dad. I have new found insights to the realities of Jesus’ Life, Death and Resurrection! Jesus paid the price for my sins and when He sees me, He doesn’t see the ugliness of sin which is what I often see in my reflection, He sees the person He created along with all the special and individual characteristics that are mine alone, how awesome is that! I am unique and wonderfully made, by God who is my Redeemer, my Salvation and my Heavenly Father. I am so very blessed by my Earthy Father and my Heavenly Father!

~Blessings and Peace~

References:
biblegateway.com

Psalm 139:14 (NRSV)
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.

Psalm 18:2 (NRSV)
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 19:14 (NRSV)
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.