“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
~Ecclesiastes 3:1

“To focus solely on endings is to trade conclusions for the very beginnings that created them. And if this cycle should persist, we will likewise miss the beginning that will follow this ending.”
~Craig D. Lounsbrough

The Cycle of Life, what is it and do I really have to participate. (?).  I recently had the opportunity to share some of my thoughts as they related to the passing of my mom in 2012. Back then I thought I had the whole cycle of life, the part about being born and the dying figured out but I was absolutely not prepared nor did I understand the reality of it all, losing my mom was a BIG deal. My thoughts have been filled with memories of my mom for many reasons lately and my hope is someone will benefit from what I am sharing. My mom was only 65 when we suddenly lost her. My last memory of her is saying goodbye and hugging her as she and my family left my home to drive an hour to their home. It was a Wednesday afternoon and I got the call at 3:22am on that Friday saying she had passed. It was very surreal, life seemed to be in slow motion for several hours, even days that followed. My dad and my brother were present at her passing and their last memories of her are quite different from mine. It would be 3 more days before I could say goodbye at the funeral. I frequently visit her gravesite and tell her that I love her and that I miss her. Over time I’ve cone to embrace and live into the sadness and moved towards acceptance. I know the grave only holds the body and that her spirit is with God; however, it feels intimate and peaceful when I visit her there. It is so true what the professions say about the stages of grief; one must live into them, let the emotions take root and wrestle with them. In time you will be glad you did. Grief is not something that goes away but you can learn to accept it and live into the emotions that surface.

The 5 Stages of Grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
These are all part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.

So, here I am in 2017…I absolutely still miss my mom and some of the best and most difficult lessons in life have happened during these past 5 years. I believe in the divine power of God and just as the verse I posted at the beginning of this post says, “There’s a time for everything…” I’ve grown and matured beyond my own expectations as I have traversed through life without my mom. It was through her absence that I was able to see the miraculous woman that she was. I’ll never forgot the words that her boss said at her memorial service, “Not everyone liked Shirley, but everyone respected her.”  Wow!  I was blessed to have her as my mom. I am equally blessed to have a loving and caring dad and brother, our relationships have grown as we have lived into our grief and knowing that life doesn’t stop just because we want it to. My mom’s birthday is this Saturday, the 23rd, she would have been 71. I’ll be having good thoughts of her on that day.

Today, as I was driving and doing errands I received an unexpected call from my brother, he wanted to share his delight in becoming a grandpa this week on the 18th! And that makes me a Great-Aunt, Woo Hoo! His voice was pure delight to my ears, he’s already planning fishing trips with his grandson. Better yet, my dad is a great-grand-dad, how awesome it that! There were a few tears in our conversation wishing mom could share in this beautiful new life that has been a blessed gift and has tightened the family fibers that had worn thin through the years. God is doing amazing things within our family and I am in AWE! There’s renewed family ties, siblings and step-parents, grand-parents, it’s all simply beautiful. All this because of a baby boy! God is good, GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD! The only wish my mom ever really wanted was for her family and her children to be happy. She had generous heart and soul, she was honest, ethical and above all she was authentic. I reminded my brother of these truths and told him she would be extremely happy and proud of him and all of our family.
~Blessings and Peace~

 

 

 

Recently, I had a conversation about “JOY” and I imagined a completely different view of joy based upon biblical statements that seem to be in direct opposition of what I learned as a child in Sunday school. Did any of you remember learning what the acronym J O Y meant?

J=Jesus (1st)
O=Others (2nd)
Y=Yourself (Last)

By definition the word ” JOY” describes an emotion of well-being or good fortune; the expression of an emotion; a state of happiness; or a cause of delight. Depending on your religious views or beliefs it nay evoke thoughts of Christmas songs and celebrations. The vertical acronym J O Y was explained to me as a child in Sunday School. My all-time favorite teacher Roberta “Birdie.” J=Jesus; O=Others; Y=Yourself. The fundamental principle was to teach us to recognize that Jesus/God created us and we were created to serve Him; secondly, we should carefully consider “Others” before ourselves, as to not be prideful and to be respectful of all “others; and lastly, only after we have shown care, love and respect to “Jesus” and “Others,” then we could care, love and have respect for ourselves. As it was taught using a vertical structure to emphasize the hierarchy.
J=Jesus
O=Others
Y=Yourself

What if,…we allow ourselves to look at J O Y from horizontal view(?).

Jesus, Others, and Yourself

Does it change how we treat others and the order in which we do? I believe the answer is yes. I definitely don’t believe my Sunday school teacher intentionally taught me to think less of myself by being last on the list, instead it was presented as a guide to take others into consideration and think about how we treat others and it was a great way to teach the basic teachings of the bible.

So looking at J O Y horizontally it takes away the sense that others are more worthy than ourselves, the New Testament specifically tells us that we are to love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus uses the word “as”  NOT “before or first.” Jesus loves all people, just as Jesus died for all sinners and He has redeemed all sin. There’s not big sin and little sin, it’s all sin. God’s Love is love enough for all. In fact, Jesus left Heaven to be born human and lived among us, teaching and loving everyone. So, if we tilt our heads and see J O Y horizontally there is overwhelming love/joy for everyone.

Mark 12:28-31 “One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
~Blessings and Peace~