The book reference for today’s devotional was “A Grief Observed” by C.S.Lewis. I had no idea that this would be the reference point when I wrote my blog entry yesterday, all I can say is “God is good, God is always good!” Amen! I remember a time or a few times to be more accurate in my life when I thought I would never again feel happiness or joy, grief can be a heavy burden to carry and to carry alone. Do you know what I have discovered? Not only did I survive those terrible situations I am a better person because of them…wow! Because of loss in my life, I now have insight from personal experiences to be more empathetic to others, I can take better care of myself. I have gained knowledge in areas I didn’t think I needed any help with and I found that I carry around a lot of “stuff” I was never meant to carry. God is working in amazing ways and teaching me things I never knew I needed to know. I’m living into His purposes and plans for my life, I don’t fully understand everything but I’m trusting God. Can I pray for you today? God of heaven and earth, Lord of the universe open the hearts and minds of all who are seeking to know you. Use these words and your scriptures to open the minds and hearts of your children. I ask that you bless and keep everyone that calls upon your name. May all these things be for your glory. Amen!

Quotes from “A Grief Observed”
“For in grief nothing “stays put.” One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?”

“But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?
How often — will it be for always? — how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, “I never realized my loss till this moment”? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

“This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.”

Matthew 11:25-30 “At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do. “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Psalm 68:17-21 “The chariots of God are tens of thousands and thousands of thousands; the Lord has come from Sinai into his sanctuary. When you ascended on high, you took many captives; you received gifts from people, even from the rebellious— that you, Lord God, might dwell there. Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. Surely God will crush the heads of his enemies, the hairy crowns of those who go on in their sins.”

~Blessings and Peace~

I have found a companion in C.S.Lewis, his writings seem to touch the deepest parts of my soul. Below I have shared two quotes from two separate books he wrote on the subject of death. It wasn’t until I began thinking about this particular devotional that the striking differences of the two are that one describes and explains death in a matter of fact way almost like a definition or outline, cold. In the second book Lewis is more animated and shares emotions rather than the sterile and stale facts about death and its impact on self and others, more introspective. The change in tone and presentation of the two books is that when he wrote “A Grief Observed,” he was reeling from the death of his beloved wife, he shared his grief with his readers and the world. I have no doubt this was both painful and therapeutic, it is because of his writings and supportive people in my life I am able to share my grief. I had experienced loss in my life but when my mother passed away, it was as if time stopped. It was true but I didn’t want to believe it. Sometimes we have to not merely read about something for it to be true, some of us also need to experience it. My encounters with death prior to my mom had been in the matter of fact category much like Lewis’s first book “The Problem of Pain.” After the passing of my mom, I looked at death differently, you may find this difficult to believe or grasp but I’m grateful that I’m not over her death, grief has a beautiful way of helping one heal and process, I miss my mom every single day, that’s not to say I’m sad and distraught on a daily basis because I am not. For selfish reasons I miss her, she’s in a far better place and she’s at peace and I know she’s in God’s care. I try to celebrate her whenever possible, I speak her name often and laugh and remember silly special things she did. The thing is if I had never experienced her loss, I could not share these things with you. My hope and my prayer is that God will use this space to help someone else.

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our prayer pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Colossians 2:2-6 “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,”

Psalm 140:1-8 “Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers; protect me from the violent, who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day. They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s; the poison of vipers is on their lips. Keep me safe, Lord, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet. The arrogant have hidden a snare for me; they have spread out the cords of their net and have set traps for me along my path. I say to the Lord, “You are my God.” Hear, Lord, my cry for mercy. Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. Do not grant the wicked their desires, Lord; do not let their plans succeed.”
~Blessings and Peace~

My only recommendation is to look for the good in everyone and then tell them. We are to love one another just as Christ loved us. Don’t alienate people, respect others and by doing so isn’t an approval of all they say and do but you can and should respect their choices. Remember we are all created by God for His purposes, leave the judgments to God. None of us are qualified.

John 14:1-7 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Psalm 139:7-12 “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
~Blessings and Peace~

The devotional for today was regarding letters that C.S.Lewis received containing questions from his fans/admirers. From what I have read about Lewis, is that he spent a considerable amount of time responding to letters he received and tried to provide information to the seeker and not necessarily an answer. One question was “Do people get a second chance after death?” and another was “What happens if I die an atheist?”  Lewis offers two statements about the first question regarding a second chance and refers to reincarnation in that the individual would attempt a fresh start after failing in the first one. He also refers to purgatory in which the work of redemption continues most noticeably after death. The second question regarding atheism and death, Lewis is quick to answer with “we are never given any knowledge of ‘What would have happened if…'”. Lewis, in my opinion was encourage people to examine information available and through pray and study of the Bible and reference literature each person would be able to make a more informative decision about what they believe to be true and not what someone tells them to believe as truth.  After all, it’s a personal relationship with God, not a denomination or specific place or people. I have often sought out the easy route of getting answers to my questions from others, it was easy but not necessarily my truth, then I had a couple of incredible individuals come into my life that flat out refused to participate in this technique of mine. So, slowly over time I started seeing benefits of making my own decisions and my own choices. And along with today’s title sometimes our questions can be dark and murky but fear need not be the reason to stop our search for our truths. The Bible tells us that “Fear not” or “Be not afraid” appears at least 103 times, more if you take into account the different versions and meanings of the words. I am in not way trying to tell you answering your own questions will be easy, it’s not; however, I can tell you it is so worth your time and effort to seek and find your truth, it will strengthen your personal relationship with God in ways you never thought possible.

Isaiah 56:1-7 “This is what the Lord says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed. Blessed is the one who does this— the person who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps their hands from doing any evil.” Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say, “The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.” And let no eunuch complain, “I am only a dry tree.” For this is what the Lord says: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant— to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever. And foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord to minister to him, to love the name of the Lord, and to be his servants, all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it and who hold fast to my covenant— these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.”

Psalm 27:4-9 “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior.”

~Blessings and Peace~

References:
Preparing for Esther by C.S.Lewis

To be vulnerable means capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. So when we choose to be vulnerable in situations and with people we run the risk of being hurt. If we are constantly keeping ourselves away from these possibilities of harm or hurt we sometimes end up hurting ourselves. When our defenses are isolating us and building walls to keep people out we sometimes don’t understand why we don’t have friends or are never asked to participate in activities and events. Just like with everything else in life it’s about balance and making decisions based upon true data and not simply fear. Fear keeps us from being brave and yes, being vulnerable. This all comes with trusting yourself and having boundaries. Setting simple goals for yourself will provide you with safety perimeters and gradually trusting others with your thoughts and building upon that trust is often the best route to go. I am sharing this out of personal experiences, it’s definitely not easy and absolutely not quickly achieved if ever fully achieved. I was having a conversation with someone I trust today, I spoke about where I am mentally and spiritually compared to four years ago. It’s true about hindsight being 20/20 but knowing what I know now versus what I thought I knew then(?) let’s just say I’m grateful for God’s unfailing love and the unconditional love and support from a few very special people in my life. Back in 2013, my church decided to explore and to participate in “My One Word.” The word I chose was “Clarity.” I think my choice was twofold looking back, I sincerely wanted more clarity with regards to my spiritual life and clarity in my personal life regarding education, work, and personal relationships to name a few. I also felt this would be relatively easy to pursue and obtain answers (I tend to like shortcuts). I figured I would have this all figured out rather quickly, I applied to go back to college to pursue religious studies and companion it with my BA I had already earned. I thought clarity was as easy as going to the optometrist, get an eye exam and glasses for correction and then see things crystal clear! HaHa! So fast forward to 2017, I’m still pursuing “Clarity” and although I have learned so much there’s just so much more I “want” to learn. And as I look back over the past four years I have learned more than I ever imagined possible. I can’t say it was easy but at the same time it has been joyful. I am blessed with incredible people in my life and I give all the credit to God, He knew what I needed and how best to teach me. I have gained knowledge through education just not in the conventional method I had boxed myself into believing. Adding another college degree is still on my list but it’s priority has changed. What I really wanted was knowledge and opportunities to share in conversation while learning with others. God opened a different door for me. I met a pastor from another local church and I have been able to participate in a women’s retreat, two separate bible studies and a monthly gathering called “Pub-Theology” where we meet for dinner, share a meal and a beverage together and then talk about a specific subject item (news story; faith practices; cultural differences; interpretations of passages in the Bible, etc). Over these past few years, I have strengthened old relationships; renewed broken relationships; created new relationships. I have become more comfortable in my own skin, faced some of my fears and looked my past pains in the mirror and do you know what I discovered? I’m ok, better than ok…I’m a princess and my father is the “King of Kings”. *A bit of Charlotte humor, but it’s true nonetheless! I’m thankful for the difficult periods I’ve lived through the past few years because they have made me stronger, wiser, confident and compassionate. Please know that you too are worthy and loved and are a prince or princess! God loves you! May you see and feel the love of God all around you!

Ephesians 5:1-6 “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out-of-place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.”

Psalm 5:5-12 “The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest. But I, by your great love, can come into your house; in reverence I bow down toward your holy temple. Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make your way straight before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with malice. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongues they tell lies. Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you. But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.”
~Blessings and Peace~