Month: January 2016

My Story

That song has been one of my all-time favorite songs since I was a child. I remember singing it at church and at vacation bible school. It is such a powerful song, it’s one you can whisper or shout out with passion. Music is very powerful and it can help or hinder a person and their faith. I know God loves me and cares for me, it is I, who doubts and blames. God has this beautiful way of helping His children understand the world and our place and purpose within His world. I have learned to seek God’s will but I am also very human and I have sadly been disobedient, I’m sharing this life lesson in hopes of helping not just myself but others too. You may even recognize some of my actions maybe even reflect them. About nine months ago I embarked upon a journey and an experiment called “guided imagery.” Although, the experiment is clearly defined as imagery, I am a visual learner and had to improvise. I took a few words and placed them into a glass bottle with a lid. The words lost power over me once they were locked inside. The words I chose were (FEAR and PERFECTION). Fear in the sense that I was/am afraid to try new things because if I screw up someone will laugh and make fun of me. I am extremely fearful of anything I’ve never tried before. I am not fearful of everything, I am confident of a lot of things. I am not afraid of failure if I am skilled in the attempt…I’ve lost a lot even with skills and I simply pick myself up, dust myself off and try again. So, that’s the short story version of fear. Now there’s (PERFECTION)…let me clarify, perfection is not being perfect, that’s what I tell myself. I think one can strive for perfection, falling short of that is okay…keep striving and adding to ones skill set. I have a tendency to set unrealistic goals for myself, I even place unrealistic expectations upon my friends, family and coworkers. The writings I’ve included below were written a few years ago. I have found myself thinking about relationships (friendships and romantic one). Have you ever experienced the “deer in the headlight” moment? Or a moment in which you were completely taken by surprise with something and you simply freeze? We all handle these situations vastly different. Do you have a “go to” plan when these kind of things happen to you? I most definitely do and it’s worked for me most of my life for two separate reasons. Reason one, I close up and walk away. No resolve, no looking back. I would like to add, this method it not a healthy choice. Reason two, I fill up on anger, I feel as if everyone is looking at me and all I want to do is disappear. My chest becomes weighed down, I feel my blood racing through the veins and arteries in my neck. I hold my breath and fight back tears not wanting to give in because it is weakness. As I sit or stand thoughts of punishing myself and telling myself I am not worthy, fill my thoughts completely. So, I’m sure you have figured out that the two choices I listed neither are good ones. I never said they were, only that they have been my “go to” choices. Recently, I received a message from a friend questioning my actions…the question, innocent enough just a question. True, but what I heard was this…”What were you thinking? Why would you do such a thing? Don’t you know better? Can’t you follow directions? What is wrong with you? After each imagined phrase I felt myself shrinking, as if someone were standing in front of me and pointing, accusing and each word weighing more than the previous one until I am the smallest thing in the room, and yet I’m still there because to make me disappear would stop my existence and sport of belittling me to the edge of nothingness. My instinct was to shut down and walk away…but that’s not what my heart wanted. Staying in the present meant work, work to figure out the why’s and answer difficult questions. As I stated earlier the song “Blessed Assurance” is a favorite and when I heard a new song very similar called, “This is my Story” it instantly became a favorite. These two songs are a full circle for me. The fact that my friend wouldn’t just let me go, the fact that I didn’t want to give up has led me to where I am today. A lesson I’m learning is this, words only have power over us when we allow them permission. This is an opportunity to tell my story, recognize that my story isn’t over and I do not have to continue doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I am worth giving another chance; I am not perfect and God never requested perfection only obedience. Jesus loves you, not your car, your home, your job…He loves you! Simply you, He’s got an amazing plan for your life. Join me in being the child that God created and created with a purpose and plan.

“Before I formed you in your mother’s body I chose you.Before you were born I set you apart to serve me.” ~Jeremiah 1:5
There Once was a Girl

There once was a girl, she cared a lot and gave a lot
There once was girl who fell in love, she loved a lot and gave a lot
There once was a girl who lost her love, she cried a lot and hurt a lot.
She tried and tried to move beyond the pain and the hurt.
There was once a girl, filled with wonder and cheer
There once was a girl she gave her heart away
There was once a girl, she had her heart returned and it hurt a lot
She cried and cried and tried to forget
She tried and tried to move beyond the pain, beyond the hurt
There was once a girl, she cared a lot, gave a lot, loved a lot …lost a lot

-C.A.Robinson
August, 18, 2010
1230

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”
~Jeremiah 17:9-10

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” ~John 14:1

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” ~Proverbs 21:2
Being my own worst enemy

Never giving others the first opportunity to cut me down

Wanting to be a part of someone else life

Loneliness surrounds me, taking my breath away –

Choking me on the stagnant air that encompasses my mere existence

I feel trapped in my own skin covered with an impenetrable shield of self-preservation

Aching to be free from myself, afraid of happiness

Fearful to open doors just to have them slammed closed

My measure of worth in the hands of each person I encounter

I want to bleed to feel relief so much hidden inside nowhere to escape

Tears hidden in the dark, smiles mask the torment lurking beneath the surface

Wanting freedom, frighten of self, mirror reflections – a stranger but familiar

Vague memory of who I was or is it? Have I ever really known?

My Identity, as if it were as easy as looking at a map or following step by step instructions.

~C.A.Robinson

“The Lord appeared to us in the past. He said, “I have loved you with a love that lasts forever.  I have kept on loving you with a kindness that never fails.” ~Jeremiah 31:3

Hello and Happy New Year 2016

 

I wanted to share something meaningfully with you as we usher in a new year. I was reading a devotional and the passage of scripture I read was from, 2 Corinthians 5:17, 19. What an awesome verse to start a new year…

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. Namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not reckoning to them their trespasses, and having committed to us the word of reconciliation.”

Then I came across a quote from one of my favorite authors…

C.S.Lewis…”Nothing is yet in its true form.”

As I reflect upon these words and as I attempt to greet 2016 with hope and a desire to do God’s Will, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that I am saved by GRACE alone! There is absolutely nothing I can do to be worthy of God’s love, nothing that any of us can do in order to be worthy of His love and forgiveness. Jesus, the Son of God came down from Heaven to be born so that we could be freed from chains of sin and to have a relationship with God, our Creator. For anyone who has the personality trait of being a “people pleaser” or an “over-achiever” accepting God’s “free” gift of salvation and the forgiveness of sin…there’s a feeling or an idea that there will be a “catch” something possibly written in the fine print and difficult to read. That is so not true! Salvation is truly a gift, no hidden agendas and no “gotcha’s” A dear friend of mine explains salvation as “having ones eyes opened!” It’s true, the moment you realize that God is real, you begin to see the world differently, more vividly and quite possibly more colorful and lively. There’s no prerequisite to be saved, simple ask God to come into your heart and ask for forgiveness and then place your trust in Him. I’m quite sure that your transformation “Coming to Jesus” may be vastly different than my experience but no less exciting and invigorating. Being a Christian and believing in God is both wonderful and challenging, God does not promise that we will be free of life’s difficulties. God does promise to never leave us or forget about us. As I look back at my life and my journey so far, it’s comforting to know that God has been with me through it all. Did l always give God the praise and glory, I will have to say NO. Just because I believe and trust God, I am not immune from hurt, heartache, loss, pride, jealousy…all the things that happen in life and all the feelings and emotions we experience are part of each one of us, it’s called “being human“/“our humanity.” The human condition, we are all born into sin, from the original sin in the Garden of Eden. I want to make something crystal clear…No person is without sin, except Jesus Christ. You may be thinking “I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, I’m too old, I’ve wasted too much time”…whatever the reasons, it doesn’t matter because God loves you, loves you wherever you are in the world and whatever you might be doing or not doing. God is concerned about your heart, your soul. Did you know that God knew you before you were ever conceived in your mother’s womb? It’s true, check these verse out…Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…” and Psalm 139:13 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” God loves you! Here’s another great thing as a Christian we are able to start each day with. renewed spirit through the unconditional love that God has for us. God doesn’t simply want to save you, He wants a relationship…He wants to hear and share in your successes and your losses, give comfort and encouragement. It’s never too late to turn to God! I cannot even begin to explain how much God loves and cares for “Everything in the universe!”
In Hebrews 11:3, it says, “By faith we understand that the universe has been created by a word from God so that the visible came into existence from the invisible.” and in Genesis 1:1 it says, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Each and every day we can start our day by asking for God’s presence to be with us, to help us discern over our actions and words, to be mindful of who we are representing. Each night as we prepare for sleep, we can go to God with humble hearts, asking and seeking forgiveness and comfort and the ability to try and not repeat things we know are wrong and not pleasing to God. Find peace, rest and forgiveness. We do not have to carry the weight of the chains called sins around our necks, God’s forgiveness and grace has freed all who believe and truth in Jesus Christ.
It says in Romans 5:8 “But here is how God has shown his love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! May you it be filled with love, joy and laughter the whole year through. If you are saved and trust and believe in God and in His grace and mercy, I pray for you to dig deeper in God’s Word and share God everyday through your words and actions. If you are unsure of your salvation or have questions please feel free to contact me through my blog page.

“That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9) .

“The Prayer of Salvation”

God, I recognize that I have not lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in Jesus’ precious and holy name. Amen.”

~Loving, Growing, Learning…May the Peace of God surround you!