My Greatest Joy-My Deepest Sorrow

Monday, June 22, 2020

To all my friends around the world— Greetings! I want to share with you my greatest joy and my deepest sorrow. I find myself fighting back tears, a few quick blinks and the excess fluid in my eyes dissipate, avoiding the cry I desperately need. I am somewhat “fidgety” trying to avoid the inevitable memories that today and this week hold. I have felt my emotions rising and falling for several days, I am somewhat creative at pushing them aside, cluttering my life with distractions of cooking and binge watching TV. If I have learned anything over the past few years, it is that one must face the things that scare or frighten oneself. I have also learned that fear can be malignant and destructive. What might have started out as the fear of _____; overtime will expand and extend into other areas of life. Truth and honesty are the best way to travel the road called life.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”― Plato

On June 22, 2012, I received a call at 3:22am from the Fountain County Ambulance Service, they told me that my mom had passed away. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in complete shock. Questions seemed to be exploding inside my head, bombarding me like fireworks…what? why? how? ______ I remember making one phone call to a friend and then I got in my car to drive the hour and half drive to my parents home. I don’t remember any part of the drive, I only remember walking out of my house and walking into my parents house. I was met by many family members already there who greeted me with hugs and comfort. All I wanted to do was see my mom. I needed to see her for myself, my faith tells me her spirit was gone and only her body remained. I would have to wait three days before I could see her body during the funeral visitation. I miss her every single day. My father was with her during her final moments and my brother was there at the end. For the longest time I felt cheated that I was unable to see her when she died. I had seen my mother two days before her death, that memory is very special to me. I remember and can still sense her embrace that day as we said goodbye. My dad and my brother hold a very different memory, one I’m not sure I would have been strong enough to carry such a memory. My dad loved my mom and would have done anything for her, they almost made it to forty-nine years of marriage before she passed. In my opinion, my dad and my brother are the bravest people I know. The transition of life without mom has been difficult and also illuminating for all of us. We all looked up to and admired mom, life without her would be an adjustment. We are all grateful that God blessed us with her and are thankful for the time we had with her. We look forward to seeing her again in Heaven.

As I look at my life since my moms passing I am thankful for the many life lessons I learned from her. I am also sometimes saddened by the fact that there are lessons I have learned simply because she is no longer here. I know and trust in God’s plan for my life, my human/sinful/natural nature makes me sometimes wish I could have learned these specific life lessons without losing my mom. My loss is Heaven’s gain, she’s not really gone, she has simply gone to her eternity home with God.

Thank you for stopping by my post today. Life is short so LOVE 💗 MORE!

My greatest joy was being the daughter of Shirley (Peach) Robinson. My deepest sorrow was losing her much too soon.

Not Ready

The fog continues to conceal the facts and realities of life

She is still very alive and just out of reach from me

Seems that we just keep missing one another

As if she’s just a few steps away and I can’t get closer to her

Missing her as if I’ve been on a holiday or vacation

Basically feeling an overall numbness of self and environment

I regret not asking more questions and not listening more intently

She inspired me and others to be honest, strong and above all to have integrity

Missing her is tolerable thinking she’s just busy

Gone, she can’t be…I’m not ready, there’s still so much more I need


~C.A.Robinson©️

08/12/2012

7:50pm

In This Very Place

Your spirit is woven into the fabric of this very place

Every corner, every shelf reveals remnants of your special touch

Christmas gifts of long ago still adorn the walls of this sacred place

Family photos of yesteryears all with a story to tell

If only this were but a childish game running and laughing, all covered with love

I hear you in the chimes letting me know you’re near

Hummingbirds with their ease of flight…shows me the beauty and complexity of this life

As I hear the tick tock of the clocks, I can hear your laughter in the distance

Remembering the comfort and strength in your warm embrace,

Remembering your sacrifices in all you did, making life sweeter

Everything has changed, nothing feels the same, hard as I try reality continues knocking at my door

Go away, go away…Can’t you see you’re not welcome in this place.

This was hers, this was ours…wishes and dreams unfulfilled, it’s all left undone

Questions linger, the obvious one of why…it’s beyond our understanding.

Has she traveled to all the places she once dreamed of, was there a welcoming of those who had gone before?

No pain…walking and running freely, perhaps even flying or floating about.

Today as I looked in the sky, filled with billowing white clouds I paused to wonder…

Thinking to my self, and saying…can she see me, is she proud of me,

Am I doing and being the best person I can be? When will I see her again?

Mom, I miss you so very much and I love you more than I was ever able to show.
Until we meet again, you will always be in my heart, my soul…the very existence of who I am, always and forever…your daughter.

-C.A.Robinson ©️

September 19, 2012

1:23am

Be good to yourself! Be kind to one another! Share LOVE! Please practice healthy social distancing along with good health and hygiene habits! 😷 May God Bless You in a special way today. Amen. 🙏🏻❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💗🔆🌻

~Peace~ ειρήνη~Charlotte 🌻🙏🏻☀️

ειρήνη– “Peace” in Greek, reference listed the below. 

References:

https://biblehub.com/greek/1515.htm

7 thoughts on “My Greatest Joy-My Deepest Sorrow

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