Friends and Family ~ Greetings!
I am thankful for this medium in which I can share my thoughts. I have found much comfort in your support of my blog space, in return it is my sincere hope to do the same in return. I have found and continue to find many writers that enlighten me to things and places I have only dream about. I have had the opportunity to meet individuals and read of their adventures, joys, struggles and ideologies of the world; all with mutual respect for one another. This is a world I so wish could exist beyond this space. I have not tried to hide my feelings when I share with my readers through this platform. I do; however, attempt to do so in many of my one on one relationships for a list of unfounded reasons. All of those reasons, are absolutely unfounded in any type of truth. At some point in my life I learned a lesson that has not served me well, yet it remains like a natural reflex. The idea that to share deep pain and frustration with people who care about you is wrong and is a character flaw. Nothing could be further from the truth! It is with those individuals that love us and care for us that we should be most comfortable sharing these struggles. I cannot quote you statistics or scientific studies for why some individuals feel this way, I can only speak from my own personal experiences. I could spend the time researching it and could provide such things but I do not see its relevance in assisting me at this juncture in my life. I believe this chiefly because I know the benefits of trusting and sharing, I just do not always rise to the occasion.
I know myself pretty well and accept that I struggle with depression and that my control of the disease is not always a choice. I like being in charge and when that option is not available it is uncomfortable. Depression is a part of my life, I can do things to help elevate the depths of its grasp on me such as eating healthy, exercising, restful sleep, engage in hobbies, attend social gatherings, spent time with friends and family, listen to music, journal, pray, attend church…these are things I have tried and continue to use. Depression is not something to be ashamed of or something to hide, it is also not to be used as an excuse. Depression does not dominate my life, I can go long periods of time and rarely give it a second thought. There are also times when I can sense change coming and I am able to walk with my depression with little interruptions to my day to day activities. And then, there are times it hits me like walking into a brick wall. I feel attacked and defenseless, taken by surprise and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me, literally. I feel numb and things appear to be in slow motion. It’s terrifying and inviting all wrapped up together. I’m learning to rely on my friends and family during these times, and it’s not easy but it’s the right thing to do. I urge you to have a plan if any of this resonates with you, confide in someone and trust them with your truth. I promise you that you have more people who love you than you realize. I believe with all my heart that we do not meet people by accident. Our interactions with people make a difference whether we know it or not. I love the plant analogy used where our interactions with others is as if we are planting seeds everywhere we go. Sometimes, we get to see it grow and mature and other times we must trust that once the seed is planted it will be watered and nurtured by someone else. God is the Great Creator and works all things together for good! We must trust God, the Great Gardener of the Universe.
Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”
I recently attended a “Suicide Awareness” training class for my job, and it evoked a lot of emotions. In the short time I have been employed at my current job, at least three people I’ve personally known have committed suicide. I was surprised by each one, questioned myself about missing signs and could I have done something. The training was beneficial though none of the information was anything radically new, other than the rising statistics. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a short term problem.” I’ve never attempted suicide but I have thought about it many times and imagined numerous scenarios in my mind. When I was in my twenties I was is a terrible car accident, I can still remember it happening and thinking to myself “I don’t want to die.” At that time in my life, I was struggling with a bad breakup and thinking to myself, “I’ll never get over this, my life is over. I can’t move past this.” I thank God for His protection and enormous amount of patience with me. I survived the accident with only a few scratches, my car was not as fortunate. Since then I have experienced time and again “things I never thought I would get past but here I am and I did!” I can say with confidence that I’m thankful for all the tough things I’ve endured because they helped me grow in ways I never imagined or expected. God used those seemingly unbearable things as opportunities for self-reflection so that I can now share with you. Things are replaceable, people are not. We are not guaranteed a lifetime with people, cherish your loved ones so that when they pass they will remain in your hearts. I lost my mom in 2012, I still think of her everyday and miss her dearly but mostly I’m thankful for who she was and the legacy she left with everyone who ever met her. She planted a lot of seeds and I’m seeing those seeds grow and mature. I love that!
Sadness is a place that we all travel through from time to time. Watch out for the caution signs as you travel, beware of dangerous intersections and whenever possible travel with a trusted friend. Be observant and alert, be careful of detours and trust your instincts. Remember to have fun on your journey and be kind to yourself. Life is not about having all the answers or about never making a mistake, it’s asking more questions, and learning new ways of doing things. Let the adventure begin…
When I began this post, I was at the corner of Sad/Wallow. I am happy to report that I am now at the intersection of Wonder/Opportunity. Thank you for joining me.
Numbers 6:24-26, “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.”
There Once was a Girl
There once was a girl, she cared a lot and gave a lot
There once was girl that fell in love, she loved a lot and gave a lot
There once was a girl that lost her love, she cried a lot and hurt a lot.
She tried and tried to move beyond the pain and the hurt.
There was once a girl, filled with wonder and cheer
There once was a girl she gave her heart away
There was once a girl, she had her heart returned and it hurt a lot
She cried and cried and tried to forget
She tried and tried to move beyond the pain, beyond the hurt
There was once a girl, she cared a lot, gave a lot, loved a lot …lost a lot
August, 18, 2010 @ 1230
Updated: February 05, 2020 @ 1306
There is a girl, she cares a lot and she gives a lot.
There’s a girl who gives and cares a lot and received a lot more❣️ ~C.A.Robinson©️
My hope is in you. 1 Timothy 6:17 As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. Psalm 71:5 For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.