Faith, what visual picture does this word bring to you or what does it mean to you. I proudly profess to be a Christian and believe in the Trinity of God the Father, the Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Faith is the belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof. I found myself this past week questioning my faith in people I care very deeply for, what does that say about me and my faith in God? I believe in a God, whom I have never seen and I doubt people I see and interact with on a regular basis. This revelation has caused great concern to me and I started trying to understand this double standard I am living. I started as basic as I possibly could asking is faith, trust and belief the same thing? They are synonyms for each other and are defined very closely, but I am more interested in the words as “action” words rather than simple nouns. Faith is an “action” word for me, it’s living out my faith on a daily basis and is what others see in me. It was a devastating feeling when I realized my faith seemed to be weak. As I was considering these things the word “trust” kept creeping into my thoughts, and after thinking about it and having a conversation with someone close to me I began to see with perfect clarity that it is myself that I do not trust and that my belief/faith in myself is weak. As with most things in life, it is expected that one should be able to understand and do things before they expect to receive it from others. The foundation of my faith and belief in God is that He loved me before I was created, He knew me before I was conceived, these truths are found in the Bible. I have been holding onto fear for as long as I can remember and although I have experienced periods of strength and confidence somehow I recoil back into a place where I have retreated over and over again throughout my life. What am I so afraid of? Criticism, not being pretty enough, smart enough overall not feeling loved, liked or accepted. The problem is I try to be accepted based upon everyone else’s moral and value code of ethics…see my problem? The rules will never be the same; therefore, I will never meet any of them! I must define my own values and morals to live by and the only acceptance and approval I should be seeking is God’s. Please bear with me, I realize I might be making this sound easy and in many instances it can be; however, if you are reading this and have ever experienced doubts about yourself, life and even the eternal know that you are not alone. I am starting a journey and I am inviting you to join me, the first thing is to identify and name it (fear, confidence, inferiority..) whatever is enabling; second thing is honesty with ourselves and most especially with God, He already knows what’s in our hearts. The third thing is a plan, knowing where we are and where we want to go/be. I think three steps are more than enough to begin this journey. I will be updating and sharing my trek of living my faith and I would welcome dialogue.
~Blessings and Peace~