Those three words have been used to describe me at various points of my life. I was recently complimented on being patient, I was awe-struck for a moment because I have in the past been guilty of mild (lol) road rage and for stating that life moving too slowly. I have been able to look back on my behavior with kinder eyes realizing now it was part of growing and maturing as well as with a bit of chuckling….at just how ridiculous I acted. I am ever so thankful for the love, grace and mercy shown me by God. My priorities in life have changed through the years and within the last decade reached a cross-road that could not be ignored. Most of my life I believed that I was growing and maturing into a better person; however, the reality of that is, I was trying to fulfill the hopes, dreams and desires of significant people in my life while unconsciously pushing mine aside. I thought providing for others would be enough for me but when I found myself alone for the first time in a very long time all I felt was empty. For the first time in my life I didn’t have someone I could devote all my attention to and I felt lost and scared. It has been a slow process but I have learned so much about myself, accepting my past, learning to live in the present and trusting God daily with my life. My world was drastically changed during the spring of 2009 (when an almost 10 year relationship ended and I could not do anything to change that fact) and again in the summer of 2012 (my mother passed away suddenly) followed by surgery that kept me from work for a month. During the entire time frame from 2009 -2012; I had been searching for answers and one particular area I concentrated on was finding a church where I could connect with people. I had been attending and was a member of a church but the pastor had resigned and the new pastor and design of the services was not feeding me spiritually. I started a search for a new church which was painful and difficult. I did not want to meet new people, share my story or visit numerous churches. My reluctance to move forward lasted a few years, I was periodically attending the church my previous pastor was now at, but I did not want to attend for the sole purpose of her presence or our previous connection. I needed a church and a congregation that nourished my soul, not simply the pastor preaching. Churches are only buildings, the people gathering, sharing and growing together makes it alive! After visiting this particular church for over 2 years I made the decision to transfer my membership. What an amazing congregation I have in my new church where I have attended workshops participated in the church newsletter and attend a women’s group celebrating the love of God while strengthening our individual relationship with God and bonding with one another, our neighbors, friends, family and community. With regards to assertiveness, God had helped me to see that being aware of my likes, dislikes and choices are just “that” assertion is not a bad thing, it is simply stating facts it is not judgmental in that one is better than another, just different. Being assertive is your individuality, God’s perfect design just for you. Psalms 139:14 The Message “Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” Now, decision-making has never been a strong skill set of mine, I had always operated on the mindset that choices were not important to me, I always wanted to be open to what others wanted to do, thinking that I was being a good friend, partner or lover. Sadly, I was wrong. I have since learned that by always giving into whatever others want never really allowed me to truly be myself; therefore, not giving people an opportunity to really know me. As my relationship with God has grown I am learning the value and merit of my life because I am not just a human being duplicated over and over, I am uniquely created by God with a purpose. The Bible has numerous verses referencing decision-making and assertiveness as well as patience…Praise Be to God! A favorite verse of mine is: Proverbs 3:5-6 New English Translation “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” In closing, believe in yourself and please give people the opportunity to know you, you are important, you matter and above all…God loves you!
~Peace and Blessings~